Yes, to be honest as a caregiver I am still in shock every day. I call it the new abnormal. I am in the midst of a grieving process for our life before HNC. For us the life we had is not coming back and I have to learn to love the life we have now. I am trying to put lipstick on that pig. What keeps me going on the days I can "go" is focusing on the things we can control and letting everything else go. As a control freak, I am not getting good at letting go, but I am working on it.