Welcome to OCF, Samar! Im very sorry you have a need to use our site. We will help you with info and support you before, during and after treatment. Best thing to do is to look forward. Dont sweat anything you did in the past as its not possible to go back and change anything.

Im wondering about your tobacco use. Have you quit using tobacco (in all forms) yet? If not please do your best to wrap your head around eliminating it from your life forever. I was a smoker too. The light bulb finally went on for me as I drove to get my feeding tube consult. I was so repulsed at the idea of having a feeding tube and it dawned on me I had created the entire situation. I got so mad at myself for putting my childrens futures in jeopardy. I looked over at my 17 year old son and said .... "Thats it, I quit!!! I will never smoke again!". I then threw the entire pack of cigs right out the window as I drove. Im not a litterbug either so that move was fueled by my anger at what I had done. Ive been successfully tobacco free for almost 10 years now and I still remember that incident like it was yesterday. Im telling it to you to encourage you to quit like I did. I smoked for 25+ years and quit cold turkey. If I can then I know you can too smile

Good luck!!!

Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07
-65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line IV antibx 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3x in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile