Thank you, Alpaca, Christine, and Tammy. All of your posts made me cry! Personally, if my mom has even a small chance to be "cured," I want her to take it. But I know I'm not the one who has to live it. I just don't think the guy with the second opinion really knows her as a person, and he saw her after a very rough couple of weeks of procedures and a 5 hour drive the day after her surgical biopsy.

It's hard-does she do bucket list stuff, but risk uncontrollable pain and knowing the cancer cells will be runamuck very soon and do whatever they want, or do we take the bull by the horns and go for the cure (which realistically would probably be postponing another round with cancer), but spend her valuable time at the hospital and at doctors' appointments? Yet, I see that you're here today helping my mother navigate this situation and being with your families, and I think my mom would think that's worth it.

Tammy, thank you for sharing what your husband went through. It helped me to think in a different way, and maybe to be a little more prepared to hear that my mom may just decide she's had enough, and she is not up for waking up in ICU all over again. Before, I couldn't even fathom her not having the surgery, and you've helped me see it's more nuanced. It's encouraging to know you and your husband are doing well, though, and I know you're a treasure to him and he to you.

Christine, your description of what you went through, and the thought of you reading your son's posts from that time made me sob. I know that you are beautiful and your kids are so glad you're here. I like your reference to deciding it was better to "live with the collateral damage than not to be here at all." And I agree that chemo doesn't appear to be a good option for her.

Alpaca, thank you so much for your input. It inspired me because it's almost like you're channeling my mother. You're at a similar place in life-enjoying grandkids, having so much wisdom and perspective to share with the world. There's so much value in that, and you articulated how I see my mom perfectly. I really think she needs to see your post.

She has a lot to think about, but this is so helpful. Thank you, and love and best wishes to you all.