Heidi,

Thank you sharing your experiences - I know it wasn't easy for you.

I was the caregiver and decision maker for my mother who had Alzheimer's and a number of other health issues. Towards the end she "forgot" how to swallow, which is a problem with many oral cancer patients, and the issue of tube-feeding came up. My father went thru a similar health decline, while my mother was still in good health. Over the years I had some honest conversations with my parents on end-of-life issues and I understood their position (they both had living wills stating their wishes). I worked with the hospice staff who were great with counseling me through this difficult process, and they were very honest with describing what my mother was going through. It was difficult to watch, but the knowledge of what was physically happening was extremely helpful. The unknown is far more frightening.

So thank you again for sharing this, and I also send you supportive thoughts and prayers. You will always miss your mother, but in time you will forget the last few months and remember all the wonderful years you had her in your life.