Yeah, suing isn't an issue in NZ but I remember the surgeon sounding embarrassed and regretful when I overdosed on morphine last time. It seemed to take a hell of a lot of staff to get me back on track with the antidote. (Some of my memories might be fantasies though.)

I had warned them about my previous problems but because I don't have a true allergy to morphine I wasn't listened to. I had also asked for the wrong thing. In 1995 after the epic morphine failure I got total relief from paracetamol and voltaren suppositories. Same thing happened after my first little tongue op/biopsy. I asked for that and was told it wouldn't be enough.

This time I'll ask for Fentanyl or another drug, but I'm going to have to be assertive. Even the specialist nurse at the ward advised me to write a letter (I suggested the letter idea)and give it to the anaesthetic staff as I go into the op. Heavens above! My GP said surgeons are surgeons and that their priorities don't extend to overall patient welfare so I'll have to bypass them somehow. Hmmm.

I had constant hallucinations on morphine but funnily enough my worst nightmare was on Day 8 when I ran out of the ward at night convinced I was a soldier. (After I came round I persuaded them to send me a psychiatrist.) I had pulled my NG tube out and broke down completely when a nurse tried to put it back in. It's an uncomfortable procedure when the patient is tense and upset and I felt they were punishing me for my escapade.

Staff attributed that event to a combination of ondansetron and citalopram but I'm not so sure because it carried on from the morphine dreams.

How nice it would be to have pain meds that got me through the first week in a state of mild euphoria instead of tension and nightmares!