Paul, Hold on, I meant no ill will towards you at all! All I meant by saying that reading what you wrote was that you made me understand what I had done wrong. I am sorry if what I wrote made you think that I was implicating anything negative. towards you or your responces. (that I was always glad to see.) why would you think that I have read my post over and over.everything I wrote was referring to Kaiser and their tumor board those wre the experts I was referring to . imeant that going with the flow of what THEY had found or suggested. and if your anger towards me has to do with my time machine statement. that had to do with my mistakes. ME. I know you don't know me that well. but right now I am typing like hunt and peck styl because I am shaking so hard that icant stay on the home keys. you thought I was talking about you when I said that I go with the flow. and you thought iwas referring to you as the experts. I only saw this post today, if I knew you posted this yesterday awould not have been able to sleep without trying to make it clear to you that I MEANT NO ILL WILL that is not who I am. I cant imagine what others are thinking of me. You have hurt me,paul all I ever wanted to do is make friends and share my journey with people going threw this terrible ordeal. why do I care so much about what you or anyvbody thinks of me so much. paul I don't know what else to say other than I hope you see that I meant nothing negative about you in any of my posts and im sorry if you thought something was amiss with my last post. I am not sure what you ment by that. well I guess I can thank you for one thing, im crying over something other than cancer for a change. if this is just ahuge misunderstanding then im sorry. shawn u.