Having walked this path with my dad (sister and mother) I have much empathy for your struggle. It can be a dark and lonely place. It forced me to look long and hard at my own mortality and that was long before I had cancer. I suppose that it prepared me somewhat for my own experience with cancer. Soon after my initial Dx, my wife and I did a living trust, will and advanced directives.

Some of the things I learned about the journey are that the human body is remarkably resilient and death is not always an easy or forthcoming thing (in spite of how frail a person may appear - he was quite lucid until his last breath). My dad had non Hodgkins lymphoma and lived much longer than we expected. He was down to under 80 lbs when he passed. His pain symptoms mitigated as the body was slowly shutting down. A year ago I revisited this journey with my MIL when she died from a botched surgery. The hospital staff defied the DNR orders and broke her ribs attempting CPR and also mortally wounded her from damage to the recent surgery.

If he is at home and goes into arrest, call the hospice people - not 911, as EMT's are required to take heroic measures to resuscitate. At least keep a copy of the DNR on the refrigerator door and this may prevent this procedure from happening in case EMT's are called. I also believe that, in many instances, we actually choose the time of our death. My dad died during my one day off (and he knew how distressing this whole thing was for me). I can't speak highly enough of hospice care. They educated all of the caregivers, provided all kinds of aids. Insured a pain free quality end of life, provided assistance with bathing, respite care, visiting nurses and bereavement support afterwards.

I am sorry that you have to go through this but losing your parents is a rite of passage. This is also the time to converse, express, remember, dot i's and cross t's, find out family "mysteries" and many other wonderful aspects of your lives together.

On my fathers death bed he revealed to me that I had 7 brothers and sisters (I was always told I was adopted because I had a single mother which wasn't acceptable in the 40's as it is now).