I have to say my Dad has been a very tough man and he's always been my hero. I remember his first heartattack about 35 years ago, when I was only 4 or 5 years old. Then, when I was about 13/14, he told me that he had to go into the hospital to have a bump removed from his tongue. I will say, when I walked into that room, it was the most horrific site I had seen in my young life. Staples from his lip, down his chin, around his neck all the way to his ear. He was being fed through his nose. I was so nervous I had to step into the bathroom to regain my composure.

I remember years later, catching him smoking again, and I couldn't belive it. But it wasn't my place to reprimand my father.

Then, when I was in my 20's he went for a physical and was admitted immediatley into the hospital to undergo triple-heart bypass. The doctor told him, if he didn't stop smoking, he was going to die. He hasn't touched a cigarette since.

About 5 years ago, it was getting to where he was having trouble swallowing. A g-tube was inserted and he's fed himself several times a day for the past 5 years. Joking that he just sat down for a big round-steak. Or saying that he tried to get the doctor to install a bigger tube, so that he could slide an enchilada down it.

About 2 years ago he started getting some pain in his jaw where he had had the cancer surgery 25 years earlier. They immediately referred him to MD Anderson, where he started his treatments. He seemed to be doing good up until this summer, he was beginning to lose his voice and the pain was getting worse. He had another scan at a different hospital, which was sent to MD Anderson. They told him, he needed to return.

At this point, they informed him that it had spread to his lung, a place on his hip, on his spine and looked like into his legs. They said they could try the treatments (not Chemo, but something else.) If after 3-6 treatments, if the spots weren't getting smaller, there would be nothing else they could do.

I've just finished "Final Journeys," which has been very helpful. He has been showing my step-mom how to do the little things that he usually does around the house. He's also become a little short with her. He told me today that he's not sure if he can do the 4 remaining treatments, but he wants to come home once that's done.

I'm not sure if my step-mom is trying to not scare me, or if there's a little denial. I told her that we need to be formulating a plan. As you can tell, she's been taking care of my Dad for the past 35 years. However, I told her that it sounds like he wants to make sure that she is taken care of. I told her we need to let him know that we have it covered and I'll take care of her. I've told them numerous times that I will fly out to Houston to help them get home. After fighting this stuff for so long, I get the feeling that he's tired and ready to go home (for good.)

He's 80 years old, a strong fighter, and will always be my hero. But I feel the time is coming..