Hi Sallie,
Congratulations on rounding the finish line.

I know you are not okay. You are worried. You feel helpless because you can't do anything to get rid of your husband's pain. You know what he needs to do but it hurts you to push him to do something that is unpleasant and painful. You have responsibilities that you didn't ever think you would have to deal with in addition to all the daily stuff that doesn't stop coming despite cancer disrupting your life. You are tired physically and emotionally...and you are probably angry.

Friends don't always get it. When a friend told me I wasn't being positive enough right after the diagnosis, I went off all over her. People don't often understand that our emotions are going through a process. They want us to talk about it, but they are sometimes critical of what we say...so we self-censor. None of it is helpful. A friend who doesn't understand needs to just listen and be compassionate. If they are able, they can offer to run an errand, help with the kids, etc. If a friend makes an offer, don't be shy to accept. It makes people feel good and if it helps you...it's a gift.

The only people who will truly understand you are people who are caring for a spouse with cancer. While many of our wonderful caregivers are taking care of their parents or children, it is different when the patient is your spouse. You are caring for the person you share your life and love with on a different and more intimate level. Your life is woven so intricately with your spouse's life, that virtually your entire life will be affected. But, take heart. Treatment ends and life does get better. Before you know it, your husband will no longer be a patient but he'll be a survivor and you will no longer be a caregiver, but you will be a co-survivor.

You have found a wonderful resource--actually, a family. Welcome to the OCF forum.