Wow, you are going through a lot with your mom -- my thoughts are with you and with her!

You say she had surgery earlier this month. It is still very early in her process, so it is understandable that she is not yet exercising and that she is having a hard time approaching food. In my first weeks after surgery, I had to force myself to "eat" -- it was mostly Ensure, Boost, or smoothies that I resorted to in order to make things easier. Since her surgical site is still in flux (has not settled down into its "new normal" state), her obturator probably isn't fitting tightly enough to keep food from going over it and through her nose. I had the same problem for a long time, and just kept tissues at the table with me. It can feel embarrassing, and is a nuisance, but I don't know that it can be avoided at this point for her.

If you are concerned that the obturator is not fitted properly, please go back to your mother's prosthodontist and ask about having it refitted. He can play with the shape of it to some degree and make it fit a little better if that is the problem.

Life WILL become normal again, though a "new normal." Eating, swallowing, and talking will become better as she heals and as she has her obturator properly fitted to her healed mouth. It takes getting used to -- takes many months, for most of us. She is still probably dealing with the after-effects of her surgery -- physical and emotional -- and is understandably not much interested in food at this point. Keep trying soups, smoothies, and if needed Ensure or Boost. She's got to get those calories in, especially if she is headed for radiation in the near future.

I'm sorry to hear that your mom seems distant -- that must be very hard. She has had a trauma to her body and is probably struggling with a lot of really difficult physical and emotional feelings. Maybe distancing herself is her way of dealing with all this; there's not a lot you can do except to stay where you are and be there for her. She still needs you, she just is suffering internally and isn't reaching out, but turning inward. That's okay; I think of it as cocooning, a way of protecting oneself. Stay by her side; she'll emerge when she feels she can.

Can she take little walks for exercise? Can you walk with her, for company? Again, it's early after surgery to be expecting her to exercise much, but getting outside is good for the soul and a short walk can really help.

Please know that there are several of us on here who have dealt with similar surgeries and the obturator, and we're here for any and all questions or reflections or venting or whatever you need to do. Hang in there -- it will get better.