you are normal! However, like many normal survivors of oral cancer you need someone to talk to and maybe some medicinal support. Please go to your GP tomorrow and talk about your feelings. Ask for a referral to someone who can help you talk through your feelings.

It strikes me when reading about the experiences of the people on this site the reactions are not unlike post traumatic stress syndrome. Add to that, you are not yet back to your peak physical well being, it is no suprise you feel the way you do. Equally unsurprising you don't know why you feel so bad. The natural thought might be "she has beaten this disease, she should be on top of the world". However, facing a life threatening event and beating it is almost never simple. Just ask the people who have survived plain crashes or bombings when others have died. It is common and natural to feel immediate relief followed by feelings of guilt and depression. This series of feelings has been documented as an actual condition (the name I forget for the moment but may be "survivors syndrome") in the same way the process of grieving is complex and involves many different stages.