At the risk of sounding insensitive - there is a bright side. It is possible that all those pneumonias were in part caused by food or drink that was aspirated or breathed in rather than swallowed. Maybe the pneumonias will ease off now?

The only thing I can share in terms of socialising is one story and a couple of suggestions. Alex continues to go for "a drink with the boys" or a coffee with me and orders his first drink along with everyone else but just doesn't drink it. Everyone knows that Alex's "beer" is just a place holder and no one even notices when he doesn't drink the coffee as it comes in a take away cardboard cup with a lid. But the drink in front of him keeps him connected to his friends and the activity.

In terms of eating, we have tended to avoid public sit down dinners to date, but would be comfortable with a cocktail party where people serve themselves with finger food. This situation would be fine as Alex would not feel conspicuous not eating. Maybe you could put your husband in charge of something that will give him something to do whilst others are eating? Maybe preparing a dessert whilst others are eating dinner, or make the coffee, or even cook the BBQ (assuming he can learn to be ok with being around food but not eating it). Or carrying the conversation at the table? Imagine, he will never again be required to respond to someone and be caught with his mouth full.