Went to get results and I'm we're at @ the lowest point ever. There is 50% uptake in his bones. Jim pushed her extremely hard to get her to tell him how long...6 months if we do nothing; 8 months maybe if he takes another round of kickass chemo. I haven't told his family - I've just cried all day; was supposed to go to work, but came home and went to bed...only got up to talk to y'all. I've just had my teeth and gut kicked in and am expected to go to work and just keep pushing forward. I don't have it in me anymore; want to curl up and die right along with him. What do you do - more chemo and affect the quality of life that we have now??? At lease he gets up and we go on weekends....or just try this other poison and watch him slowly deteriorate....I of course can't make the decision...he has to. He is the one that is trying to pull me along and looking to me to be upbeat and saying come on - we will do this. His 50th bday is on 8/24/10 and he won't do anything until after the party. Do you really think I feel like partying? I feel like it's a dress rehearsal for a funeral that I don't want to attend. Of course I can't tell him that.....

Im so sorry to read your post. You both must be devastated. Being a caregiver is such a difficult job. Always trying to put on the brave face and say positive things must be very hard on you. Some caregivers also see a therapist and take anxiety meds. It must be even harder to carry on like everything is ok while working. Please remember we are here to lean on.

Paula-I'm so very sorry. Try to not think of this as a dress rehearsal for a funeral. Make the best memories you can right now. Neil was pretty upbeat also even when he finally realized the treatments were never going to help. We spent alot of time with his parents and siblings and that was the best thing we could have done. I know how hard it is to put on a brave face but you MUST. There will be plenty of time for tears in the future, unfortunately. You know I come from a place of experience on this subject.

Jim sounds very much like Neil. He was the one who wanted to continue with treatment even after we really knew they were not helping. He only stopped when he couldn't take it physically anymore. Jim will know. I wished Neil had stopped sooner to actually improve the time he had left but like you said-it's his decision.

Take time for yourself. I know this is easier said than done but your stress level is so high right now and you have to remain strong. There is time left to enjoy your husband's company and you want to stay healthy to deal with all this. Please feel free to pm or call me ANYTIME. Stay strong-your husband needs you right now more than ever.

Sue

Oh Paula,

I am so sorry.....I don't know what to say. Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and Jim. This news just sucks. We're always here for you.

Love,

Shelley

Paula:
Just wanted to let you know another Forum member is thinking of you and praying that somehow you two can have some peace. Decisions about continuing treatments must be so hard to make -I don't know what I'd do if I were in Jim's position and yours. Maybe some other Forum member can give you their experiences, but you both do have my prayers.
julieann

I'm so sorry. I don't really have any "pearls of wisdom" but just wanted to let you know that my prayers are with you both. Make memories and leave nothing unsaid. Try to take care of yourself.

So sorry to read your post. I will also be keeping you and your husband in my prayers. Please try to make the best of the time you have together. Take care.

Nancy T

Dearest Paula, I too join with the others to express my sorrow for Jim's results. When you say you want to die along with him, I so understand. My precious Dad suffered for months. We all sat around, helpless. If anything it was a wonderful family bonding time. We gave up everything & were together constantly. Embrace each day of life, soak it up & treasure every moment together.

The love never ends.

Paula, this is heartbreaking news. I'm so, so sorry. I hope you have lots of love
and support from your family and friends to help you and Jim get through this hardest of times.
Anne

Paula,

I'm at a loss for words. I am so very sorry. Being your friend, I feel as though I share a part of your heart ache and wish I could fix it for both of you. I am here, call or write anytime.

Love and many prayers...

Paula- What a tough day. I can only imagine was you are going through and enduring. Stopping treatments doesn't mean that you are giving in or giving up.
It must be an incredibly difficult choice to make... I'm so sorry.. know that we are all thinking of you and sending you love. Try your very best to enjoy the time you have together. That is the most important thing.

hugs and hugs and hugs. I wish there were more owrds of comfort or a solution to this

Paula,
I'm so sorry to be reading your post. I hate this disease! I'll be praying for you and Jim. Take care of yourself.

You and your husband are in my prayers.

Marlene

Paula,
I am so sorry for the news. Any decision that your husband makes is the right decision to him. I hope you are able to spend every last minute together and come on her to vent at anytime. Hugs!!!!!

So sorry to hear your sad news, Paula - My heart goes out to you and my tears are falling along with yours. Please call on the comfort and strength of friends and family, and know that we are all sending you hugs and wishing you and and your husband some peaceful moments to soothe the hurt.

Hi Paula
sad news on today the third anniversary of robs death.You were fighting then,and here you are still going through it.I have said this too you before and it remains true,Robs illness was short lived and his death sudden and shocking,Jims illness has consumed you for every day that my loss has consumed me.I dont know how you have done it.
Thinking of you as always

liz xxxxxx

Paula,
I have been keeping up with you and Jim on here, but never replied to any of the messages. I want to let you know I have beenpraying for you al and will continue to do so. I am sorry about the news you have received. Feel free to come here anytime and vent away, You can lean on us as much as you need to.

paula im extremely saddened for you to hear about his results. life is just totally unfair at times...i think to cancer patients and caregivers, it can feel like ALL of the time for us. its okay to cry and stay under the covers...you must be so exhausted mentally and physically.
you will both make the right decision together when the time comes. try to take care of yourself in the process

Paula, I am so sorry for the news of Jim's results. I wish there were magic words but there are none to take away the heartache. You and Jim are in my thoughts and prayers.

HUGS

Dodie

Paula

Your post was so poignant, I could not bring myself to reply. But today is Jim's birthday and in the oft chance that you turned to the OCF board for some comfort, I wanted to say that we are all so sorry to hear the PET results. It is so hard to know when TX is not a good option and a very personal choice.
The American Cancer Society has a write up that says it better than I can
[quote]When a person has had many different treatments that did not help stop the cancer, it may mean that it has become resistant to all treatment. At this time it's important to weigh the possible limited benefit of a new treatment against the possible downsides, including the stress of getting treatment and the side effects that go with it. Everyone has a different way of looking at this.

This is likely to be the toughest time in your battle with cancer -- when you have tried everything available and it's just not working anymore. Your doctor may offer you a new treatment, but you need to consider that at some point, continuing treatment is not likely to improve your health or change your survival.

If you want to continue treatment to fight your cancer as long as you can, you still need to think about the chances that it will help. In many cases, your doctor can estimate the response rate for the treatment you are considering. Some people are tempted to try more chemo or radiation, for example, even when their doctors say that the odds of benefit are less than 1%. In this case, you need to think about and understand your reasons for wanting this kind of treatment.

No matter what you decide to do, it is important that you be as comfortable as possible. Make sure you are asking for and getting treatment for any symptoms you might have, such as pain. This type of treatment is called palliative treatment.[/quote]
I hope the birthday went better than you expected.
Charm

Paula, so sorry for the results. All I can say is you are an amazing caregiver and Jim has been fortunate to have you to help him through this. Make the most of the time left like you have so far. Don't assume that because they say 8 months that they will be accurate. Just live each day the best that you can and worry about tomorrow in the future. Listen to Jim and he will most likely give you clues as to how he is doing. Even if he doesn't have the strength to go out during the week, I am sure you two can be comfortable at home just being with each other.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you.

Let me know if you would like any my thoughts or the second guesses on the decisions that we made during Pam's final weeks. Take care.

Paula,
What a sweet, loving, caring, brave, sacred heart you have been throughout this ordeal. What a lucky man Jim is to have you by his side, bringing about the good, and coping with the bad. Remember to let yourself feel all of the feelings and have all of the tantrums you need to get to the "feeling better" stage.

Yesterday, when you responded to my hot pet scan, you told me, "just reach in deep and hang in there." I have been repeating that to myself today, and have found comfort. I hope you will wrap those words around yourself like a blanket and feel the same warmth they have given me.

Barb