Posted By: Vicky1 Feeling overwhelmed! - 04-28-2018 12:26 AM
So, had our consult with my dad's surgical oncologist and radiation oncologist and I'm a bit overwhelmed. Drove 4 hours one way to Mass General's Cancer Care Center.

Dad's going to have to have part of his jaw removed and replaced with a bone from his leg. He'll also need radiation 5 days a week for 6.5 wks. The surgeon said he does 2 or 3 of this procedure a week, so he's probably very good at it.

This is my dad though. I'm scared of what's going to happen, if he'll be in pain, his mental state, etc. Also worried about bills and helping them stay afloat while my mom is off work for the summer and Dad can't work. Stressful times!
Posted By: ChristineB Re: Feeling overwhelmed! - 04-28-2018 02:18 PM
Your father is going to have a long road ahead of him. He's lucky to have such a caring daughter in his corner!

We all are apprehensive when we're facing unknown territory. Take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Try your best to stay busy with positive things to help pass the time and keep your mind engaged so you are able to avoid dwelling on the "what if" thinking. Theres a couple things you can do to prepare.

Anyone who offers you their assistance, tell them when the time comes you will let them know what they can do to help. People really do want to help but most of the time they have no idea what they can do. Someone should stay with your father 24/7 or as much as the hospital will allow. Even if your father is asleep the hospital staff still will be in and out of his room and often will speak to your father expecting him to reply which he may not be able to do very well especially when first out of surgery. Theres a million other little things that can add up to making this so much easier on everyone involved. Walking the dog, picking up groceries or prescriptions, driving your father to treatment or a doctors appointment, doing a load of laundry, mopping the kitchen floor, mowing the lawn, taking out the trash are just a few suggestions of things friends and relatives can do to help. Caregivers will need a break from time to time to catch their breath. Even having a few people take a couple "shifts" to sit with your father while he is in the hospital is a huge help to allow you and your mother time to yourselves to deal with your other responsibilities. Write down everyone who offers their help and then you or your mother will know who to call on when you need a hand with something or a break. You can never have too many helpers.

It sounds like your father is in very capable hands. Your father will probably end up having a feeding tube and trach with this type of major surgery. Theres not much he can do to prepare for this type of surgery. The only suggestion I have is to encourage your father to eat, especially all his favorite foods, desserts too. If he is on the slim side, putting on a few pounds would be a good idea. His ability to eat and drink probably will be compromised for a while. For most patients its a temporary nuisance. Your father sure doesnt want to go into this having any cravings for his favorite foods so get him to eat everything now. Cancer patients usually burn up calories at a greatly increased rate, he may want to start keeping an eye on his intake, fluids too.

Ask about therapists or what the treatment facility offers for mental health support. Its ALOT for anyone to deal with. Many patients and caregivers need some help to get thru what they're facing. Your father may need anxiety meds or something to help stabilize his moods. It is nothing to be ashamed of!!! Many patients avoid meds thinking about the stigmas that come along with that sort of thing. Some meds take weeks to work so if he would needs something its better to start taking it sooner rather than later. Same goes for caregivers. They have a very difficult job to be the voice for their patient while showing a sunny, positive attitude no matter how they really feel inside. I applaud caregivers for the inner strength they always have. Even when they dont realize it, caregivers all show an incredible amount of strength which helps the patient feel better about their situation.

Ive had the same surgery your father is having. It is not very easy on the patient but having people supporting him will help to make it so much easier on everyone.

Please stop by often, read and learn about what your father will be going thru, ask questions and we'll help you as much as possible. Hang in there!!!

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Posted By: Vicky1 Re: Feeling overwhelmed! - 04-28-2018 08:27 PM
Thank you, Christine. I've been crying quite a lot lately. In reading your signature, it sounds like you had a long road to recovery. We didn't realize his cancer was effecting his bone until yesterday's meeting. I heard the radiation oncologist saying it's Stage 4 to another surgeon. I think they said N 2 after that, but I don't know what that means. They said it is likely in one of his neck lymph nodes as well, but that his lower neck is clear. Do you know if most people are able to walk after the surgery? Was your speech affected by your surgery? Our surgeon said he didn't anticipate having to remove any of Dad's tongue and seemed quite sure it wouldn't affect speech or swallowing. I will ask the social worker about therapy, etc.
Posted By: Maria NY Re: Feeling overwhelmed! - 04-29-2018 02:28 AM
I had my surgery and reconstruction in January 2018. My leg healed quickly and with physical therapy I was able to get back to most physical activities after 6-8 weeks. I thought the radiation treatment was more difficult than the surgery. I was standing with a cane after the second day and walking with a cane on day 3. I was physically active prior to my diagnosis so I’m sure that helped with my recovery. Wishing your dad a speedy recovery!
Posted By: ChristineB Re: Feeling overwhelmed! - 04-29-2018 11:43 AM
Yes, patients will be able to walk after surgery. From what Ive heard from patients who have had this surgery, the leg is painful. They need some PT and a walker then a cane to help make walking easier. Once the leg heals most patients will be back to almost all of their original functionality. Ive seen many who have a very slight limp afterwards. In the whole scheme of things a slight limp is not anything too serious, at least I dont think it is.

My speech was not affected by this surgery. There was significant swelling due to the complications I went thru... MOST patients do NOT have complications... Im just one of those lucky kinds of people who did. Since your fathers doc thinks your fathers tongue was not affected then he should be ok with his speech. Every case is different and will have their own things that bother the patient. If your fathers case isnt that invasive, he may not need a trach and feeding tube. Or if he would need them, it could be for a very short time possibly only necessary while hes in the hospital. Patients who need a trach should ask specifically for a Passey Muir trach so the patient is able to talk easier with having it. Make sure to mention this to the surgeon even if the doc says a trach isnt going to be used. You just never know until the doc actually gets in there and starts removing the cancer. Better to mention it and its not used than to have the regular trach given.

Hang in there and when you feel weak its ok to lean on us. We've gone thru this before and understand just how difficult it can be for everyone, not just for the patient.
Posted By: PaulB Re: Feeling overwhelmed! - 04-30-2018 01:20 AM
Hi,

I had a segmental mandibulectomy with a fibular free flap for osteoradionecrosis, which is pretty much the same surgery as if there was cancer, some cases the cancer is more involved. I was in “step down” for six days, minus one day in recovery. I was taken out of the bed around the 3rd day, actually sat up in a chair. At some point, they have you stand with the boot on, but I don’t recall walking as it was difficult. With this surgery, you have a support boot on due to part of the fibula being removed, while it heals, but reality it has little support for weight bearing. When I left the hospital on the 7th day, most go home, so i was told, but I went into rehab nursing for several months mostly due to prior treatments, and difficulty walking Also at this time, the trach, which is usually removed at your departure, was, but my stoma didn’t fully close due to prior radiation, and took a month to do so, so everytime I spoke the stoma needed to be closed off with gauze.

For the fibula, a thigh graft was placed on the lower leg for closure, but the lower leg did not fullly heal, and required a graft from tge groin, three months later, and finally healed.

The nerve for the mouth was cut, so if there is no graft, if it can be done, will effect the lip. Today, I have no more trouble with my legs than I did before this surgery.

I hope this helps
Posted By: Vicky1 Re: Feeling overwhelmed! - 04-30-2018 11:42 PM
Thank you for all of your responses! Did you all have a lot of pain while you healed? Did you look much different after your surgery?
Posted By: An Hurst Re: Feeling overwhelmed! - 05-02-2018 12:49 AM
Hi Vicky

I’m going through the same fears as my mum has just been diagnosed with ACC however we are still in the early stages of diagnosis, treatment schedule has yet to be determined. We are in Australia but sending positive thoughts your way.


An
Posted By: Vicky1 Re: Feeling overwhelmed! - 05-02-2018 02:35 AM
Love and strength to you and your mom, An! It is amazing what doctors can do today. I think we're in good company in this forum! I already feel better, knowing that people do make it through these procedures which sound so scary.
Posted By: PaulB Re: Feeling overwhelmed! - 05-02-2018 02:50 PM
Vicky1,

I wouldn’t say I was in alot of pain, as I was on pain meds in the hospital and nursing home. They don’t want you in alot of pain as it interferes with healing too.

I looked somewhat different, not with the jaw replacement, but from the weight loss, all the prior surgeries, and the necessity to use the artery and vein from my chest for the mandibulectomy due to having no vascularity in my left neck from prior treatments/surgery, and a skin graft to protect this area too, otherwise, I’m back to my usual pre-surgery self, at two years out. Don’t get me wrong, it was a difficult time, especially being alone, and had my share of words, but actualky, I don’t think about it much now, except when I go to the doctor(s), and try to recollect everything for their review, which is mostly ongoing issues.

I hope this helps!
Posted By: Vicky1 Re: Feeling overwhelmed! - 05-17-2018 01:32 AM
Did you have to have your jaw wired shut after surgery? I googled it, and the images and information was overwhelming and scary. I'm going to avoid google from here on out.
Posted By: Vicky1 Re: Feeling overwhelmed! - 05-17-2018 01:37 AM
Dad's getting more upset as we near the date. He's started saying stuff like maybe he should kill himself to avoid the surgery. His primary care doctor gave him some anxiety medication, but told him to take it only when he's feeling very anxious. It's making me more worried for the surgery and afterwards. It's been a rough couple of weeks.
Posted By: KristenS Re: Feeling overwhelmed! - 05-17-2018 02:07 AM
Talk to your dad's doctor about the anxiety. Depending on what he's been given, it's possible he can take a lot more. I'm on pretty regular anxiety and depression medication, and my very sensible psych upped the doses for some of them during my cancer treatment, because obviously that's going to push the boundaries a LOT! If I can be prescribed as much as I get, you can certainly question if your father can be prescribed more regular or a higher amount dosing. If it's for anxiety or panic attacks, I find that by the time mine break through, they are a lot harder to stop, and it's better to keep them in check up front if possible. Cancer is scary. Might as well go ahead and get the anxiety under control if you can ... enough of the rest feels out of control as it is. I'm NOT a doctor, of course, but I've been dealing with panic attacks for near twenty years now, so I have some experience in this area. smile Ask. It is always worth it to ask.
Posted By: ChristineB Re: Feeling overwhelmed! - 05-17-2018 02:13 AM
As you have found out the hard way, Dr Google is NOT a good source for info! I always advise members to avoid using that. I tell people that if you put in enough info, even an 80 year old man will come up as being pregnant with twins. Of course Im joking!!! I just hate seeing patients and caregivers who already have enough on their shoulders learning from any number of unreliable sources. OCF is one of the few sites certified by Health on the Net to always provide up to date, correct medical advice.

The patients mental health plays a big role in how well they do with surgery and recovery. Im so very sorry your father is upset and talking about suicide! That must be very sad and scary at the same time. If your father is a danger to himself, thats way more than almost all caregivers are able to manage. If you have not notified all of your fathers cancer doctors about this, do so right away. They need to know about your fathers current state of mind and the change in his anxiety meds. Some of those type medicines take weeks until they are completely effective. Your father isnt on something like that, his is a more of a sporadic type of medicine. Sounds to me like your father would benefit from something taken daily even though most of those meds need a few weeks before it kicks in. Tomorrow morning start calling your fathers doctors.

Hang in there!!!
Posted By: PaulB Re: Feeling overwhelmed! - 05-17-2018 03:08 AM
Vicky1,

Depression, and even suicide is a major factor with head and neck cancer patients. I once read as far as cancers, suicide was 5th with Head and Neck Cancer patients, but recently read it’s second behind pancreas cancer, but regardless, all threats should be taken seriously. Maybe your father can see a therapist, talk to a friend or minimum tell his doctors!

Some anti-depression medications can even cause these thoughts with certain individuals with no history of this or even with this disease, it did with me. I contemplated this, still have a wrist scar, but attempted several times, other ways, which was all I thought about doing when I was hospitalized for 6 months in 2010, and paralyzed from the waist down or was just so weakened, with no good prognosis. The hospital and staff had no idea either! I told one friend who came to see me, who had convinced me that if i wasn’t successful, I could be permanently harmed, disfigured or paralyzed. That made me think, so at one point, I requested the hospital stop giving me anti-depression meds (only do this by dr request), but I don’t know if this was the cause or not, but haven't had this problem again, even after multiple cancers, but here I am still, cancer free, 9 years later.
Posted By: Vicky1 Re: Feeling overwhelmed! - 05-24-2018 02:40 AM
We found out dad has diabetes today. We also went to a cancer support group at a nearby hospital. I think it bummed him out. It sounded like the three folks who were there have been coming for years. Two of them have terminal cancers of the prostate and of the lungs. They talked about a woman who died since their meeting last week. People cried. He did talk a lot about how angry he is about his diagnosis and how scared he is of the surgery, which might be good.

Posted By: LJM Re: Feeling overwhelmed! - 07-11-2018 01:46 AM
There really is a great sense of comfort in talking with others who have gone with similar situations. I would make sure his doctor knows he has talked about ending his life. I believe antibiotics might benefit him. I am sure the anxiety meds help but if he is suppose to only take them when things are really bad, that doesn't help him every day.

When I went in for my tongue & neck dissection surgery, one of the nurses had part of his jaw bone removed due to Oral Cancer. It was very inspiring to me that he was working as a nurse and had made it through his storm...at least for the most part wink
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