Hi all,

Thanks for this forum.

My husband had a biopsy taken from a lump in his upper right gum last week and is waiting for the results. His symptoms were that he started to get bone loss and teeth became wobbly and now three have been taken out as they died. They thought it was severe gum disease, to begin with - he was given antibiotics but they did nothing. After a scan, they noticed a mass in his gum, which is getting bigger and heading into the sinus area. He's been told it isn't an abscess, it's definitely some kind of slow-growing mass.

Obviously, he is devastated. I'm devastated for him and for us. We don't know if the mass is cancerous yet but it could be. My husband feels tired all the time as well - but I guess that could be stress as well as everything else.

On top of that, I was HPV+ a few years back which has since cleared up via laser treatment. So maybe I passed it to him or from him to me and then back again? I'm wracked with worry and also feeling guilty and responsible which I know is irrational as it's nobody's fault. We don't even have the results yet. I've read your HPV section, it's very informative, but I'm still worried. He said that he doesn't blame me if it does turn out to be HPV cancer. He actually said 'what a way to go!' if I did pass HPV onto him which I guess is kind of funny, but totally awful all at the same time.

Just reaching out for some support from you all.

Thanks,

Maddie

Hi maddie,welcome to the group please be calm and be strong for him no matter what the result hpv + cancers respond well to treatment so educate yourself the more you read posts here more you will be prepared to support him,Goodluck.

Hi Maddie,

Welcome to the forum. This is a great place to get information and there are many here who will want to help and offer advice. Three years ago, we suddenly found out I had stage 4 cancer on my tongue and it was possibly HPV related. My wife felt guilty but it is hard to say exactly where my cancer came from (non-smoker, social drinker only). And, honestly, I didn't care other than wanting my wife to not feel guilty/responsible. Cancer is a fickle beast. We talked it through and eventually she relaxed and let go of that guilt.

From a medical perspective, the best advice I can offer it seems you already have, which is to jump on this situation and find a medical team that you trust. You may find writing in a journal will help. I did that every day for months. I ended up writing about all kinds of stuff - memories from childhood, current fears, doctor notes, etc. I enjoy going back and reading it occasionally. It gives me a reminder of how far we have come over these years.

Please let us know once you have more information about your husbands condition.

Stay safe and keep the faith,
Nels

Thanks, both of you.

You are right that cancer is fickle and could be caused by many different reasons. Feeling guilty about it isn't going to help - we both met when we were in our 40's so the only way to have avoided HPV would to both be virgins up to that point which isn't very likely :-)

We are still waiting for the results and trying to keep a positive mindset.

I'll update with the results once they come through.

Maddie

Hello

So my husband does have oral cancer but it is caused by lymphoma, rather than HPV. Here's some info about it, it's very rare. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4990057/

Not that it's a relief, but it shows that you can put 2+2 together and make 5, like I did :-)

Thanks again for your support, we may post again if needed.

Sending best wishes to everyone,

Maddie

Maddie

I am so sorry to hear this. As you go forward, please feel free to reach out and ask questions or share your experience for others to learn from you. Sending love and positive thoughts. Stay safe and keep the faith.

Nels

Definitely do not go into too much despair until you get into staging as treatment has evolved greatly over the past two decades. Even in Stage 4 survival rates have been consistently over 50% but if early you may be able to have alternate treatment that is higher with less toxicity. There is a significant amount of data and reason for hope that this is just a huge speed bump. There are many others cancers that is not the case but with some faith and love this to shall pass.