Posted By: jojoba123 oral cancer, anxiety and doomed - 08-31-2016 10:10 AM
Hi everybody,

male, 40 years, married.
It has been 8 months since I had mild sore throat, redness of soft palate. No improvement with rounds of antibiotic. March, a lump of marble size in right neck. April, a pea size lump under my jaw. Have been to ENT for scope, no growth, slightly enlarged tonsil, doctor diagnosed as acid reflux. No biopsy done. June, feel something on my base of tongue.
Googled a lot, until I am convinced that it is tonsil HPV+ cancer that have spread to tongue and lymph nodes.
I think I infected HPV from my ex-gf long time ago.
Now feel doomed and guilty to my wife, as she is monogamous.
and she think I am too.
I think already infected HPV to her, she shows signs of cervical cancer and oral cancer too. And my young daughter possible has recurrent respiratory papilomatosis.
Oh no, what have I done. Our life in danger.
I need support, but i think my wife will kill me if i confess. Now, I don't know what to do.

guilty and hopeless,
Posted By: ChristineB Re: oral cancer, anxiety and doomed - 08-31-2016 11:32 AM
Welcome to OCF, Jojoba.

Do yourself a big favor and stop using Dr Google to diagnose yourself over the computer. There are so many variables for the scenario you suspected above to happen. Of course anything is possible. Its highly unlikely you have HPV+ tonsil cancer while your spouse has both cervical cancer and oral cancer and this has also affected your daughter. Has your wife had an abnormal pap test? If so that needs to be addressed. Ive been here for over 9 years, read thousands of posts and watched thousands pass thru our website. I have never run into a couple who both had oral cancer at the same time plus the wife also had cervical cancer going on as well.

Most of the population has one form or another of HPV at some time in their lives. Most of those infected will successfully have their bodys clear the disease. Only a very small percentage of those infected carry the 16 or 18 strain of HPV and will have it develop into cancer. If you have the correct strain of HPV to cause cancer you have no way of knowing where it came from or how long its been there. To read more about HPV (correct medical info from reliable vetted sources) click on any of the HPVs that are highlighted in this post or follow the link below...

OCF main site --- HPV Info

When patients start reading from Dr Google too much they start a negative cycle of "what if's". Take your symptoms step by step and find an experienced physician (ENT) who specializes in treating oral cancer patients. This will give you the best chance of finding out whats going on. Im not sure if the symptoms you described come and go. Even if you would be diagnosed with HPV+ oral cancer (OC) that is not an automatic death sentence. You need to continue taking one step at a time to become cancer free (that is... IF you actually do have cancer).

Hang in there and stay busy to keep from over worrying. Good luck!!!
Posted By: Bob Whyte Re: oral cancer, anxiety and doomed - 08-31-2016 02:18 PM
Well said Christine !!! He needs to get a real opinion from Oncology ENT and as you said then get a plan of attack IF it is Cancer. Semper-Fi Bob
Posted By: donfoo Re: oral cancer, anxiety and doomed - 08-31-2016 03:52 PM
Welcome Steve,

Please stay off Google for random searching. Do get a biopsy as this is the only way to confirm cancer. If the ENT has not done one it seems like your growths do not appear cancerous - a good thing. For peace of mind, ask for the biopsy; if still denied, find another ENT. Until you get confirmation it is cancer, then it is NOT cancer. Hard to get there mentally but keep chanting the thought. Good luck
Posted By: jojoba123 Re: oral cancer, anxiety and doomed - 09-01-2016 01:45 AM
Thanks everyone,

My symptoms did not come and go, it is persistent and slowly getting worse. Redness at the back of throat and soft palate, white patches on my tongue, 2 hard lumps on the neck, tonsil enlarged, felt something on the base of tongue.

You are right, I should get a biopsy for confirmation. But I am convinced it is a HPV+ oral cancer, I knew what I have done wrong in the past. At my young age, I was too naive and didn't know much about HPV. If only I am better educated about it, these things will not happen.

My wife never had pap test before and she shows symptoms such as frequent urination, abnormal period, etc.
She also had persistent earache for months.
My daughter frequently clearing her throat, and snoring every night. That's why I am so stressful and feel guilty.
This is all my fault and now have to face the consequences.
My wife and daughter is innocent, I have ruined their life.
I don't know how to tell my wife. she will not accept it. She will never forgive me and she will dump me for sure.
I can only keep myself busy and try not to worry.
We will have a vacation next week. After this, I will plan to get biopsy. I must accept reality.
Felt relieved after expressed my problems in this forum.
Thanks for your support.

Posted By: ChristineB Re: oral cancer, anxiety and doomed - 09-01-2016 12:05 PM
If you are showing symptoms of HPV+ oral cancer, call and get an appointment before you go on vacation. It can take a few weeks to get an appointment so get the ball rolling. Even with symptoms, it takes a biopsy to determine if a "spot" is cancerous. Just by a visual exam even experienced doctors cant be positive what something is. A biopsy will determine exactly whats going on.

You do not know for certain what you have. HPV is a STD that can lay dormant for many, many years. Until you are actually diagnosed with HPV+ cancer, you do not have anything to confess to your wife about. Its NOT cancer until the biopsy says it is!!! Take a deep breath, take it step by step and do your very best to logically think thru this.

Good luck with everything.
Posted By: fishmanpa Re: oral cancer, anxiety and doomed - 09-03-2016 03:12 PM
Cancer is an uncontrolled growth of abnormal cells. It doesn't come and go nor does it stop once it starts.

I agree with the others. You've already been to an ENT, been scoped and diagnosed you with acid reflux. In eight months, you would be showing more signs and symptoms. In the few months from when I noticed a node on my neck, it was quite apparent something was going on. The ENT knew right off it was sinister. A FNAB confirmed it.

There's a little more going on than meets the eye concerning your personal relationship which I feel is rearing it's head. Certainly you can chase a diagnosis and perhaps for your own peace of mind and reassurance you should, but if there's nothing to biopsy then it's a mute point.

Dr. Google will tell you a pimple is skin cancer so stay off the search engines. What I sense here is a bit of anxiety and guilt more than cancer.

Hope all works out for you.
© Oral Cancer Support - Survivor / Patient Forum