My mother has been very healthy until last winter when she had to have an aortic valve replacement. She was up and down butrallied and we had an awesome 90th birthday party for her in mid July. She mentioned a lump behind her ear to my sister but said it wasn't painful and wasn't overly concerned about it. Over the past 3 weeks she has had 3 falls and is now so weak she can barely function. She went into a small assisted living facility 2 days ago. Last week she finally went to a doctor about the lump and was told it was cancer of the jaw. I live in MD and she lives in FL and I have to depend on a brother who is not very close for information. As far as I know she had no radiologic testing but is scheduled for a PET scan next week. Couple questions, can be jaw cx be diagnosed by a physical exam only? My brother tells me there is not any question that she has it but I don't understand how. Second question, for a 90 year old in her weakened condition, are there many options or should we be prepared for pallative care only? Last question, could this cancer cause her equuillibrium to be off and cause the falls? New to this so thx for your input!

Im so very sorry you and your mother are going thru this! Being far away it must be very frightening and frustrating for both of you.

Only thru a biopsy can a tumor be confirmed to be positive for cancer. If she has a lump and swelling near her ear then yes that can cause her balance to be off.

As far as treatment decisions its a very personal family decision. Ive seen all kinds of situations with elderly patients. Some fare very well and go on to have many happy, healthy years ahead. Other patients will not do so well. Its a very individual decision.

If at all possible, are you able to go help your mother with this? It sounds like she could use a good advocate in her corner to help her with everything. This sounds to me like her situation would greatly benefit from having you there, even if its just to see things with your own eyes instead of second hand knowledge.

She could be weakened due to her intake. If her intake isnt enough (especially if she has cancer) then she will not have much strength or stamina. Are you able to discuss her diet with the staff at her center? Maybe they have a dietician who can help to boost her intake to help her regain some strength.

Best wishes!

Sorry to hear about your Mother. As Christine states, a biopsy is required to determine if the cells are cancerous. With the PET staging can be done.

Given the situation you offered, speak with your Mom and ask her to be added to the list for receiving all reports and access to her doctors. That way at least you can get information directly and also ask specific questions particularly as if this cancer and at her age there will be more difficult decisions ahead.

There is a lot of information here so start reading up and feel free to post as you move along.

Must have bio and then we can advise you.

Sorry I haven't posted in a couple days. An update. I talked to a nurse at the ENT who dx mom. It is not jaw cancer but cancer of of parotid gland. She told me the tumor was 2" (which if my metric conversion is correct it's about 5cm) They did a needle aspiration while she was there and the preliminary report showed cancerous cells. The final report should be in tomorrow or Friday. She is also scheduled to have a PET scan. She is settled in her new home, a small, private (4 residents) assisted living facility and says she likes it. I have been approved for FMLA at my job but am going to wait to see what I am going to do. I am not wealthy by any means and this would be my 3rd trip down there this year, and of course, unpaid. I will find a way to do it if it will help her but for now I want to wait and see what the final test results are. I don't know how much her body can take at this point but I am not going to let her go through this without some kind of family support. My brother lives there but I'm not sure how much good he'll do. Ahh..the dysfunctional family!

Thanks for the update. Sounds like you have more info now. Dealing directly with the medical professionals will make this so much easier for you.


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Thanks!

Tricia friends and family don't always behave how you expect in a serious crisis. Some will disappoint, some will surprise you and step up to the plate. It's hard to force people to do more than they are willing to do, and it causes tension in the family that will be a drain on your mother. I hope you find a way to navigate through the difficulties and come out with a good outcome.

Hello Tricia, this is a very hard position for you and your Mother to be in. You will both have a lot to weigh up.
Take your time to get fully informed. If you can, accompany your Mum to appointments. You will need to be her advocate.
I think, that until such time as you are presented with treatment options, there are currently no decisions to be made.
This is a nasty cancer and current treatments are brutal. Your Mothers age and general health will be a huge consideration.
Yours sounds like a typical family.
Tammy

wow, much better news about the location of the cancer. One downside of parotid is it will get whacked hard by the rads so loss of saliva will be more.

Glad you are getting the story right at the source.

Keep reading and learning. Since you have to travel quite a distance, you can not be there all the time. The treatment runs months as does recovery. You will certainly want to make the best use of time and money to maximize the times you spend your mother. About how many trips and time off can you afford?

As to what I can afford, I don't know. My mind is kind of fuzzy. I will find a way to do what ever I need to do but I don't want to add any stress to the situation with my family. Until we get the final results on everything, I'm just going to try to be patient. I know she is being taken care of. I happened to think yesterday about something. We are all talking about her but I don't know if anyone is actually taking to her about this. Should I try to talk to her? Her latest phone calls have been short and she just sounds so weak. Opinions?

My Grandmother is a similar age with complex medical issues and requires a high level of care. Like you our family is dispersed and its hard when you're not there on the ground seeing whats happening. You can only do so much over the phone. A lot of the time with my Grandma she sounds quite good on the phone, mainly because she's buoyed by the phone call. So its hard to get a good indication what she's like during the day. You need someone on the ground there you can talk to you can trust to tell you whats going on. What are her care arrangements now? Is she living alone or does she have some level of assistance?

As for talking to her about it, in my experience the biggest need the elderly have is the need to feel safe and secure. While we might stress about different aspects of treatment, Grandma's biggest worry about hospital was she was not in her own bed surrounded by her own things and own routine. She finds it all very unsettling. Sometimes with bad medical news she goes into denial, and we have to work through the issues with her.

I think you're on the right track. Being patient, asking the right questions and getting informed. Keep the dialogue open with the medics, your mother and the rest of the family and work through the issues as they come up.

I do feel that you should be talking to your Mother about this diagnosis.
She is obviously aware of the diagnosis and I am sure that she would want to discuss this with her family. She will need to know that you will be there for her , advocating and supporting her. You do need to talk to her to find out what she wants. This is the most important thing. What, She, wants.
Once a treatment plan is offered, you will need to talk about this with her. What is involved. How she might experience this. What side effects there may be. What is the likely outcome and what the longer term consequences may be. What her quality of life will be. You really need to discuss these things and what she really wants to do, given her age. Make sure that she really does understand all this. Does she want treatment or is she going along with what her family want or expect. To me, it is paramount that you do understand exactly what your Mother wants.
Not easy.
Tammy