Last Night I went to see a live show "The Christmas Story" The star of the show:, Ralphie, was once an infant in my day care! I had such a good time. Sunday I woke up @7am and just rubbed my right cheek, and felt a bump under the skin! I have been digging my nail into my skin to keep on trying to feel it. Something hard is there, right above where my top R wisdom teeth are. I can't stop pressing on the bump. I can't tell if it is in my cheek or on my jaw bone. My heart is racing and my insides are shaking, I just can not even think of going thru this again. The treatment, maybe surgery, telling my family, I just got my day care up & running after taking such a dive from the 1st cancer. What should I do next? What dr. do I call from my tean? The RO, ENT, Dentist ? Should I wait the 2 weeks & maybe it will just go away? I want to sit in my closet, close the door & never come out. I can't do this again. I feel like a goner already. I'm usually so strong & optimistic, cancer is proving to be more strong willed than me. Now I'm the big cry baby.

I forgot to mention that I just had a clear CT scan on 11/9/09. Could a tumor come back/grow in just less than a month?

Dianne, please calm down. Being upset will not change anything. If it really is a recurrance, remember you already went thru it once. Now you are so much smarter about OC.

Which doc do you normally see the most? Thats who I would schedule with. Personally, I see my ENT most often. He oversees my treatments. If it were me, thats where I would go first thing tomorrow morning.

Since you already did rad. its unlikely you would have it again. Most patients only have rad once. We do have very few on here who have done it twice.

Hang in there. Best of luck with everything.

Thanks Christine, I just can not stop crying! You have had your share of recurrence's, I'm sorry. I willed my cancer to never come back. I've lost my faith & have no fight left in me...not again. I dreaded this might happen. I read other people's stories & cringe. I just can't accept this again.

Dianne

Sometimes a lump is just a lump. It could be scar tissue or many other non-cancer things. Remember, it's not cancer until the biopsy. My ENT was the one whom I turned to out of the team when my lump appeared but mine was right on the left side of the tongue near the base - where the first cancer had been.
It's very human to worry: OCF even has a name for this:Sword of Damocles syndrome: Here is an excerpt from the main OCF on the fear you are having:
[quote]Rather than silly, these are normal and ubiquitous concerns; unfortunately, they "go with the territory." They, too, get better over time. Dr. Christopher Gates, a psychiatrist, helps the person to conceptualize these fears by saying:
Just imagine with me that your frightening thoughts are like voices on a radio. They can be controlled by changing the volume. When the volume is up too high, the noise (your fear) is so loud you can't hear or think of anything else. But you can turn the volume down, so low that you still hear the noise (your fear) in the background, but it doesn't bother you so much, and you can concentrate on other things. [/quote]

My suggestion is to read the entire OCF article on emotions. If nothing else, it will reassure you that your feelings are pefectly normal, we all had them, and you will get through this no matter what the lump turns out to be
OCF- survivors
charm

None of us wants to accept any of this - pardon the expression - crap. But, we do what we have to do. You deal with a recurrance IF AND WHEN it is diagnosed. At the moment, all you have is a lump and trust me, I've had alot of lumps looked at in the past which were just that - lumps. (Which reminds me I have an outstanding biopsy result - gotta call tomorrow).

Deeeeep Breath. Get an appointment and try not to do the catastrophic thinking that we all do. One step at a time - we are here with you.

Donna

Donna,

I would start with your RO and see what he/she thinks. I don't think I would wait the 2 weeks we normally tell newbies. At least I would get an appt. Heck it might be 2 weeks before you get to see the right person anyway. Maybe by that time it will have resolved itself. Lets hope so.

Thanks everybody, I just love you guys! Even as I write this now, my eyes are swollen & filled with tears streaming down my face. The funniest thing is that when I was 1st dealing w/my SCC, in 4/08 I never shed 1 tear. Now I am waiting f/ the phone call f/my RO (nurse) to take the next step. A good thing (in a way) my daughter got layed off & she could (again) fill in f/me @ my day care, while I go to dr. appointments. The more I am constantly feeling the lump, it is in the fleshy part of my R cheek, about the size of a peanut. If I do follow up w/treatment it will only be because of all of your support. I have lost my will. Even the thought of my son & daughter do NOT inspire me.