Dear friends,

It is with a heavy heart that I must tell you that Heather has lost her battle with this dreaded disease. She passed away early this afternoon. Although she hadn't been able to move her arms or hands for more than a week, she was able, at the very end, to squeeze my hand in a final goodbye. For those of you who haven't followed her story closely, the tumor in her spine had partially paralyzed her arms for much of the last 6 months. About 2 weeks ago, it must have started growing again because the rest of her body was gradually immobilized. For the last week, all she could move was her head.

Anyway, the hospice nurse was speaking to her, telling her it was okay for her to go if she was ready, when Heather started wrinkling her nose. When we noticed that, the nurse told her to squeeze our hands if she heard and understood. She had been asleep for most of the past week and her eyes were shut at the time we were talking to her so we weren't sure how aware she was, but I guess she was very aware because she squeezed my hand 3 times and kept wrinkling her nose. I think that was her way to let me know she was okay with going. I don't know where she got the strength to move her muscles like that, but she always was very strong willed. I guess it held her in good stead until the very end.

In lieu of flowers, I am asking that people make a donation to OCF and if any of you would like to honor her memory, I think that would be an especially appropriate way to do so. I will probably take a leave of absence from the forum for awhile, but I will be back sometime. All of you take care and keep fighting.

Rainbows & hugs,
Rosie

Dear Rosie and family,

I am beyond words to express my feelings for you all. If there is anything you need please e-mail. Hugs to you as well

Rosie and family their are no words to express our feelings........Many prayers your way, i`m sure there`s another Angel in Heaven watching over you. Our Love, Packer and Dee

Dear Rosie,

Your post brought tears to my wife and my eyes. I am sure there is another angel looking down on you. God Bless you and your family. Don't stay a stranger to this forum to long. Your posts were
always so good. God Bless ,Dan

Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

God Bless,
Cheryl

Rosie,
I am so sorry.

Danny G.

Dear Rosie,
Words cannot express the sorrow we all feel at Heather's parting. The two of you fought so valiently and inspired many others to do the same. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Eileen

Dear Rosie,
I am so sorry. We e-mailed eachother many times when Heather was first diagnosed. I think so many of us felt like we knew her. You and your family have touched our hearts.
Love,
Rosalie

Rosie,

I too can not express how sorry I am. I know there is a new angel in heavan for you and yours who will watch over you all and is now free of pain and suffering

Love Diane

Rosie, There are no words to express the saddness I feel at your loss of Heather. She became a part of our daily lives.I wish you and your family well.

I join the other members of the board in expressing my sorrow for your loss. I followed Heather's progress since your first posting. Wishing you you and your family the strength and faith to continue on in Heather's memory. LM

I am so sorry for your loss - I am in the process of losing my mother - She is on a respirator trying to fight an infection from the chemo - It doesn't look good - We will know in about 72 hours - I'm devastated to say the least - I feel your pain - Please know that you are in my thoughts and your family too - You will get through this - Please take care -

Sue

I have been waiting and thinking what to write in response to Rosie's post. Several days have gone by, and the words just don't come. Needless to say I share in the pain associated with Heathers passing. Over the last year we have all come to know both Rosie and Heather through the many posts here. We have all participated in a way in Heather's battle, and in Rosie's fight; we have seen the fears, the pain, the steps forward and backwards, and ultimately had their inner strengths revealed to us. I doubt that any caregiver or any patient is not snapped back into reality by the culmination of their fight, as we all, at least on a subconscious level, can see ourselves in their positions. While what has transpired cannot be changed, what I choose to remember about all of the posts over the last year is the courage with which both mother and daughter approached the fight. It goes without saying that one day all of us will leave this physical existence. We will be remembered by the quality and actions of our lives and their impact on those with whom we came in contact. If this is the true measure of our lives, Rosie and Heather certainly have set that bar high. In spite of her own issues and trials, Rosie has frequently come to the boards to offer support and advice, wrought from her own experiences to new comers, be they caregivers or patients. Her gracious and generous participation in helping others even while in the middle of fighting her own battles reflects her genuine humanity, something that we can all aspire to. She has asked that those that wish to honor Heather

Rosie

So sorry to hear about your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you during this time.

Bob S.

Rosie,

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for the love and support you have giver Eric and I. I will honor your wishes for remembering Heather through supporting OCF.

Jack Hovenier

Rosie,
I"d like to add my condolences for your loss. Often, when I have felt at a low point helping my husband with his struggle with this disease, I have thought of you and taken inspiration from your courage and strength.

Peace,
Anita

Dearest Rosie,
I feel so very sad to hear of the loss of your beautiful daughter. After reading the news, I simply sat here not knowing what to do or say, almost not being able to move. Please do know that your honest account of Heather's journey has helped all of us who love and support an oral cancer patient. Everyday I pass along the message of being "committed to the fight" to my dear Aunt Ro as she continues to battle her cancer and the aftermath of her treatment. I do know (as I have lost my most favorite love, my Dad) that there will be a tangible void in your days for some time to come, but your daughter will live forever in your heart (and ours) and forever in your dreams- where you will be able to see her and talk to her always. Forgive me, as I am a devout Catholic...... my prayers are that Heather's soul is whisked on angel's wings to Our Father's home in Heaven where she will forever be safe in His loving sight. God Bless you and yours Rosie. Please take good care of yourself as you go through this transition.

With much love,
Lisa Stankus-DeStefano
Niece/almost daughter to Aunt Rosemary (Stage 3/4 Base of Tongue, Floor of Mouth, Salivary Gland, 1 positive lymph node, STILL FIGHTING!)

For those of you who would like to see a picture of Heather before she got cancer............well at least before she knew she had it..........try this link. It is of Heather and her daughter Cati in July 2002.

http://user.pa.net/~vidwiz/MyPictures/heather.JPG

Rosie

Oh Rosie, what a beautiful picture of Heather and her daughter!! I never saw the pictures you posted of her during her fight with cancer, so it is so hard to believe this beautiful woman is gone. We are all praying for you.
P.S. How are her daughter and husband holding up?
I have two kids 14 and 10 and they had a very hard time during Dan's treatment.

Sherrie

Rosie,

Thank you for posting that beautiful picture. That is the one I will keep in my thoughts when I think of Heather.

Please take care of yourself. God Bless.
Dinah

Dear Rosie, I too, find it difficult to find the words to express my heartache and sadness over Heather's passing. The picture of her and her sweet little girl is very beautiful, and even moreso is the beautiful soul that Heather has, and now knowing that Heaven has another precious Angel watching over her loved ones from above. Her courage and your strength through her illness gave all of us inspiration in our daily battle with this disease, and her memory encourages us to keep up the fight. We will honor her memory by doing so. God bless during this difficult time and always.

Dear Rosie,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Words alone cannot express how I feel.
I send you and your family a big warm, loving hug.
Didier

Dear Rosie

I have just read the sad news and I am so very sorry. Please accept my sincere condolences and take good care of you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Kathleen

Rosie..........Like so many here on the OCF forum I have followed Heather's story since day one. I am so sorry for your loss, Rosie. So sorry.

Sincerely,
Donna

What can be said that has not already been?

I have often felt that anyone I have come in contact with that shares in this battle against cancer is like a brother or sister to me.

Maybe that is why I cry with the receipt of this news? May this not relieve us of our own personal hope, but remind us that we are all connected.

May your pain,once shared, be lessen by the numbers you have shared it with.

Dave

Rosie,

I am sitting here weeping my eyes out about Heather. My heart just bleeds for the loss you and your family have felt, but I also try to focus on the fact that Heather is now in a much better place and no longer suffering.

I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. I wish I could say more, but I am totatlly overwhelmed.

Dear Rosie,

I am so sorry for your loss. It has taken me forever to get up the courage to write to you. I am at a loss for words.

You have many happy memories of her that will help you through this difficult time and along with Heather's daugher you will continue to live each day with such appreciation of the simple things. God Bless and take care....Love Flo

I am so sorry to hear your sad news, God bless xx

Hi all,

I just wanted to take a moment and thank everyone who has helped me get through the last 16 months. This forum was such a huge help. I don't think I could have kept my sanity without it. It is such a shame that Brian can't get a corporate sponsor. I guess until one has to deal with the reality of this cancer, it is hard to imagine just how much of a lifesaver this site can be. Hey, to any corporate bigwigs reading this.........sit up and take notice........there are few causes more deserving of your sponsorship! This endeavor saves lives! And even when that isn't possible, it is still the best place on the web for those needing help to get through such a devastating time.

Anyway, I truly appreciate all the posts that helped us deal with Heather's cancer. Also deeply appreciated were all the donations to Heather's Fund. I wish we could have raised more, but I believe the total was about $2000, which isn't too shabby. Of course, given the number of hits per month that OCF receives, $2000 is pretty paltry. But, hey, I guess we need to be thankful we at least got that much. Thanks so much to Dan Bogan for starting the drive. Thanks to Karen Ng for the largest donation. And thanks to everyone for even the smallest donation. It all adds up. If any of you are looking to make one last donation for tax deduction purposes, this is the place to do it! You would be hard pressed to find a more worthy cause.

Okay, now that the thanks are done and the begging is done , I would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful, healthy, Happy New Year!!!

Rainbows & hugs,
Rosie

Rosie
Thank you your courage and love is an inspiration. May you enjoy your Holidays with your granddaughter.

Diane

Thank You Rosie,

You have helped so many people with your insightful posts. Please give your granddaughter a big hug for me Xmas morning. Love Dan Bogan

I hope 2004 will be a banner year for you and your family!!!

Dear Rosie,
I will contribute every month I can, with Heather, you and the grandbaby in mind.
Mandi