From my post in the other thread, some of you probably know that my mom was diagnosed with Stage 2 Tongue Cancer and is starting treatment.

She has never set foot in a hospital before (even for childbirth). So the combination of "first time nerves", cancer diagnosis, her overt focus on the stress she's causing her caregivers (my dad mainly, and me) and other problems with our family situation (I, her son, haven't settled down in life, my dad has health issues himself etc etc) mean that she's extremely depressed.

It's heartbreaking to hear end-of-life talk from someone who has been a cheerful, bubbly, positive character for most of my life. How do I console her? This is all the more terrifying because she just barely started treatment -- from what I've read online, it doesn't look good at all for the next coming months (chemo, rads and side effects etc).

I'm trying to be positive but I've been diagnosed with depression myself in past so I'm not the warm center I ought to be (for her sake). It all feels very dark and suffocating. Just where do we derive the inspiration and positivity from?

I’m sure your mom is scared. No one wants to be told the diagnosis is cancer and the treatment plan and side effects. If she is at a cancer center, she should have access to the Guidance Department. When my husband was in treatment, a volunteer at the hospital told me to trust the doctors, that they know what they are doing. She also told me to go talk to someone at the Guidance Department.

Other than that, I found that the best way of dealing with the stress is to take it one day at a time. If John had to have an MRI, then we went but we did not then allow our minds to fly to the results on that day. We had to wait for the doctor’s visit and then we would be told. There was no point in fretting as it would only exacerbate the stress. The mindset took me through multiple tricky situations over three years. That’s probably the best way to deal with it.

Wishing you all the very best!