You are such a great young lady and have lived thru one of lifes toughest challenges that it throws at us. THanks for you and your class. It seems you have the youir students aimed at the good and truthful .

In the words of your brother and your signature.
"Everyday is beautiful"

Keep that at the forefront of your mind to honor his memory. I know this isn't easy at all. I would be absolutely devestated if I lost my sister. My heart would be broken. We share so much of who we are with siblings. Our childhoods-- kids shape each others personalities and can make each otehr laugh more and piss each otehr off more than probably any one else in your life!. It can be a very special reationship deeper than most of your friendships.... and it sounds like your was brother this way to you. It sucks that he went through what he did and that he isn't here with you. I wish that he was. He sounds liek a wonderful special person.

I think just living each day in honor of his memory would help ease the pain. He would want you to be so happy and fulfilled in your life and not sad and depressed. Easier said that done of course.

take care and I hope you start to feel a littl ebetter soon.
focus on things that make you happy and thing that made jorge happy

K

So many people on this board seem to know just the right things to say, I could never hope to be so eloquent. I would just like to say that I truly feel for you and wish you to find happiness in your life. "In the end, I don't want to be happy" sounds to me like "survivor's guilt" which I fully understand. I pray you find the strength to go forward.

Dear Little Sister: I'm not as eloguent writer as others, but I can say that I'm glad you could post your pain on this site, and I hope it helped to release some of your anguish. The feeling of loniness and lost never really goes away, but hopefully in time the pain will lessen and your memories of your brother will bring joy and laughter.

I would like to recommend a book (fiction) that was very helpful to me, not only because of the ordeal I'm facing, but with all the pain from the past. The book is "The Shack", by William P. Young. It's current, and in bookstores now. It is a wonderfully spiritual book. I believe it may help to answer some of your questions. I hope it helps.

Take care, and please visit us to let us know how you're doing.

Sandy S.

Dear Noemi,
What a pretty name. I believe you may be suffering from Depression. A place where you are unable to see the way out. 28 years ago I was diagnosed with Reactive/Rheumatoid Arthritis. I had a severe case unresponding to drugs and I had to quit working for 3-6+ months. I was a single mother with 2 children and no childsupport. I had family support, but it didn't matter. I didn't tell anyone my feelings until after I started planning suicide. I felt my children would be bettter off without me and my disability. Luckily I told a Dr friend how I felt and he arranged for a Psychiatrist to talk to me. He put me on medication and its amazing how much better I felt. Between talking with a trained person and medication, I was able to find solutions.

You have reached the point in your grief for your brother that you need a trained person to help you. Find a person you like and I promise you that things will get much, much better. You took the first step when you posted your feelings here. The next step is getting professional help. Do it for yourself, your husband and your children. God Bless

"You have reached the point in your grief for your brother that you need a trained person to help you. Find a person you like and I promise you that things will get much, much better. You took the first step when you posted your feelings here. The next step is getting professional help. Do it for yourself, your husband and your children. God Bless"

Hi, Little Sister -

This is so true. And getting through, not over, grief is work - the hardest work you will ever do. You can do it, with help.

"Companion Through the Darkness," by Stephanie Ericsson, helped me after my husband died suddenly.

Tom Golden's story/parable, "Swallowed by a Snake" was a tremendous eye-opener. I would recommnend it to anyone who has experienced trauma, grief-related, or not. It taught me that grief *had* changed me. It would always be with me, but eventually, I was no longer part of "it": "it" was part of me.

After my husband died, I didn't think I could ever find joy in my life, but I have. It took several years, and I still experience great sadness at times. But I know I can get through it.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve because we each grieve differently. Acknowledging your feelings is an important step.

Good luck,
Marlene


In the end, I don't want to be happy. Life goes on, so many say. It hurts...like I have never felt hurt. I rejoice at everyone's great outcomes and clear findings and I cry with those walking where I walked. I sit and read and feel as though there were something...to be done. This horrible "thing" has changed me and I question many things. It is a deep heart wrenching pain that no one seems to understand....until I am here. Why? Why can't I heal?

I have read the post on this forum a few times and each time they move me.There is such caring, so manyh feelings, such sympthy as I have never seen in one forum and they are so deep. It's no wonder I love this place ane the people that are here. This is more love than I have ever felt from anyone.

Little sister,

I am too a little sister and it has been almost 3 years since my big brother passed away. I cry all of the time. I don't want to burden my friends and my husband all the time with my feelings, so I will go into a room and look at all of his things, pictures and cry by myself. I know what you mean about not being happy all the time, it probably is not healthy to do, but I feel closer to him when I hold his things and look at pictures of how he was. He was it for me, the coolest person, the smartest person, the most handsome person and the loss I feel is overwhelming at times. Then I go upstairs and work on my memorial walk for him and I feel so much better. I am keeping his memory alive, honoring his life and trying to make a difference in the world by working for OCF. I could not help him while he was alive, but can help others from dealing with oc. Maybe counseling is a good thing for you, to vent your feelings. Maybe become involved in an organization that he loved. Carry on with something he loved to do. YOu know sometimes it so hard when I come to these boards and read others stories about losing someone to oc, but then I know I can offer my words and really know what they are going thru.

This is truly the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life. I don't think there is a perfect answer, there is not a date that will say "this is the day you move on", but for me helping others is the way to go.

I hope you find some peace soon.

Susan

Little Sister, I just want to let you know that reading your posts has made me realize that I need to call my brother more often. We do not always see eye to eye on everything, but I do love him. I need to make sure I stay in contact with him. My family does not live that close to me so it is hard, but I am going to make an effort to call him at least once a week. Will you help hold me to that?

Angelia,

Do you ever stop and wonder why things happen? You find purpose and it times it doesn't make any sense. My pain, it helped someone realize something important...and the pain is a little less intense because of that. Everyone here helps...some just don't realize...we all need it though. I would like it very much to keep in touch. I hope your appointment goes well. Please let me know.

Noemi