My dad has been suffering from oral cancer for about twenty years. He was cancer free for about ten years in the middle. He has suffered so much and it just keeps coming. It hurts so much to see all that he has to endure.

My dad has lost half of his tongue, some glands in his neck, the roof of his mouth and a part of his upper jaw. He had radiation two years ago. Since that time he has not been able to eat, his teeth to died, and he got a horrible infection in his mouth.

They removed all of his teeth the week before Christmas. Now he can't talk. He had a small spot on his cheek that grew incredibly rapid because of hyperbaric treatments. He found out today it is cancer and he will have another surgery tomorrow to remove part of his cheek. This is only a couple weeks since his last surgery.

I don't know what to think. My dad has been living a horrible torture for so long and it just keeps coming. I hate to cry in front of my dad. It makes him feel worse when he thinks of how the people in his family are hurting. After his last surgeries and the radiation I tried to stay positive. I was happy thinking how fortunate I was that my dad was still with me, where there are other people who have lost their father. Thinking I should be glad for the time with him and not sad.

Now, I just don't feel like I should be happy when the fact of the matter is he is suffering. I don't know how I'll handle tomorrow at the hospital. It seems selfish of me to be sad when I'm with him, though, because that only makes him feel worse.

I don't really have anyone to talk with and was looking for thoughts of those who are going through this as well. Ironically, my close friend was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer within the last month and is going through chemotherapy and will be having radiation and her lung removed. I know I will get through all of this and be a better person, but right now it's hard to see how.

Kristine, I am so sorry to hear of your Dad's trials over the years. It has to be hard on you, too.
I am the patient in my family, and I often think how much easier it is on me than it is on my husband/caregiver...because I KNOW how I feel, he can only guess and worry.
I hope you and your Dad can communicate (you said he isn't able to talk right now) your love for one another, because after everything is said and done, that is the important thing.
The love.

Andrea

Kristine - My heart just goes out to you. It is so hard to see someone you love hurting. As caregiver to my son, there have been many times when I wanted so badly to be able to take away his pain or even experience it for him. All I could do was hold him close. Sometimes just a look or a tender touch or a hug can communicate volumes. It sounds like you have such a great closeness with your Dad and I'm sure that is very comforting to him. Andrea is right, it's the love that's important.