That was the provocative title of the Living Well column in today's Washington Post. I've put a link to the full article at the bottom, and you will notice that they changed the title for the web version. While it deals with Parkinson's disease and her reaction to Michael J Fox's new memoir: Lucky Man, many of the feelings and issues are germane to cancer patients.
[quote]What is an appropriate attitude towards one�s own debilitating chronic disease? I realized long ago that with my future limited, it would be pathetic to waste the present by caving in to anger and misery..... Articles, blogs and books by PWPs too often aim at the wry and cozy. They conclude that Parkinson�s brought them closer to their loved ones and opened them to a deeper satisfaction. I recognize in these authors a desperation to find value in their �challenged� lives. [/quote]
I especially like the comparison at the end
[quote]It provides knotty problems to solve and opportunities to test your grace under pressure. It comes with surprise attacks, sudden reversals, small victories. Sometimes I think of it as a real-life video game.[/quote]
Post: Lucky... hardly
Keep the Faith
Charm

Someone told me that a friend who was slated for breast cancer treatments looked on it as a "great adventure." I looked on my oral cancer as a big pain in the a..!

Another topic that strikes close to home!! We do it to ourselves don't we? When we are feeling like death warmed over, we stay home hanging off the end of the bed. When we are feeling merely crap, we venture out only to run into someone we know who asks how we are feeling. Of course we tell them how well we are doing today. We don't mention that yesterday we were contemplating just giving up - it is just all to hard and last week the doctor told us if we didn't gain 5 kilos between now and next week, treatment couldn't continue and without out it we would die.

But today we are well enough to go to the shop and pick up the milk and of course we are not going to share our pain and fear with our acquaintance - - we don't want to upset them or ourselves by saying out loud how we REALLY feel.

And then the carer perpetuates the myth. We are out there doing the same stupid thing.

From my Managing Director, "I saw Alex at the shops at lunch - he looks quite good!".
Says I, "Yes he is responding really well to treatment. He is a bit thin but we are working on that, we are lucky (LUCKY) that the doctors think the tumour is nearly gone."

In my head I am thinking, don't make a fuss, no need to tell MD that the doctors are threatening to withdraw treatment, hospitalise him and force feed him. He also doesn't need to know that he is paying me for almost no work as even when I AM at work, I can't think and am spending most of my time on the net researching or writing long whiny emails that will never get sent to anyone. The emails just sound so awful - and I don't know who to send them to anyway.

Just come to the forum and vent to people who understand.

Karen
PS we are past all this now, and are genuinely optimistic, but we still have our ongoing issues like everyone else.

It's amazing when the patient is 'pollyanna-ish'...looking at their own cancer DX as a "great adventure." But, the comments from well-meaning close friends or relatives really test that grace under pressure. The numbers 1 through 10 have saved me from reaching right through the phone wires many times--from "his lifestyle brought this on him" to his eating habits, whatever. His ENT even said it would be a wonderful growth experience. Would have been nice if the growth we found was the primary tumor. I remember hearing from a family member, "maybe it's for the best" when we lost a child because of trisomy on the #9 chromosome. Well, my question was...why couldn't it have just been different. All this stuff is just the hand we're dealt, I suppose.

There is always the answer that " I am fighting Oral Cancer and it's affects. Now tell me your excuse for being ignorant".

[quote=EzJim] There is always the answer that " I am fighting Oral Cancer and it's affects. Now tell me your excuse for being ignorant".
[/quote]

Then again, there is always the answer, �He�s fighting Oral Cancer and its affects. Thank you for caring enough to ask.� (If they are just being nosey, they slink away. If not, they often offer a hug.)

One year today ago at about this time Tim ate his last meal by mouth. It was a veggie omelet at the restaurant next to the hotel where we stayed the night before his operation. It wasn�t very good and the pain from the tumor made it hard to eat.

Today he can�t eat, but he is alive. And despite the odds, he may be alive next year, too. Or not. So, yes, his cancer caused us both to reassess what is important and what is not. Does that mean I am glad he went through and is going through this hell? Of course not. But I can�t go back and change things, so I try to make the most of what we have and take no small pleasure for granted.

I try, but excuse me while I go off and indulge in a bit of melancholy. We all deserve that once in a while.