Great...crying at work...man I don't want to do that.:( You guys rock! With the writing on the fridge, he wrote OK next to Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner than beer after 5. I hope he follows thru, that's all I can do is hope. I'm not saying another word to him about it. His decision. Live for himself and for the ones who love him, is his decision. I will wait for that moment maybe that you had Nate. I can only hope. He told my daughter he is depressed, well hello alcohol is a depressent, duh. I was thinking bout calling his doc and seeing if they could maybe prescribe him an anti depressant. What would anybody suggest? I myself have Xanex for those days I need some help getting thru the day, but not very often, they are from Feb 09! And Nate you just go right ahead with your medical smoke, I have no qualms bout that when folks are going thru chemo. Ron did it when he had chemo (I'd actually prefer that over his drinking right now) when he had NH Lymph every month for 7 months and the only time he got sick was the final month, we think they double dosed him! lol Nate you keep up the fight, I think you will come out of this just fine, with Ron radiation really sucked, but he still took care of chores around the house to keep busy, but took quite a few naps during the day, and he used to apoligize to me when he did and I'm like whatever Ron hell you do what you need to do to heal and get better. #1 EAT! Your body can't heal without nutrition! Remember that Nate. And follow the instructions you get from them about rinsing your mouth, and taking care of the burns you may get. It does help! Luv ya all! I gotta get some work done here today but will be checking in of course!

Suez,
What a tough spot to be in, but also not a very good role model for your kids. Cookey has been down this road.
Cookey-I remember every post of yours from back then.
All the best,
Rob Jaffe

Oh my kids are all grown, 36/27/22
not abusive drinkers 22 yr old not a drinker at all.
oldest 2 smoke, but not chain smokers like Ron. I used to tell them when they were young and this may not have been nice but I said "use Ron as an example of somebody you don't want to become"
I think they have headed this advice. We love him dearly, he is a great warm hearted generous man, with a problem. Now with more than we all could have imagined. I want to say I saved his life from an early death and gave him something worth living for and showed him how to love and be loved and to give love when we first met, now I just say it is up to him to save his life this time for himself and those who love him. It is his choice whether he lives or choses to die at an early age.

I called his doc who performed his surgery(the removal of the cancer) and told them about Ron's depression. I am waiting on a call back from them to see what the doc decides he wants to do. And dammit how could I forget to tell them he's not eating and how much he only weighs now. Wonder why the Oncologist he went to see from his NH Lymph didn't do or say anything, and as I was typing this I thought, he probably lied to him stating he was eating. I wish I could put him in the hospital to get better. Somewhere.

Suez, my heart goes out to you and what you are dealing with. I dont think I could manage this at all. Im glad Liz (Cookie) has came back to OCF for a while. She went thru abosulte he**. She is one of the sweetest, kindest people here. Im also happy you made a thread for this situation, now everyone can focus on this problem and give you support and advice. Wishing you all the best and hoping today is a good day. Sometimes you just gotta take it one day at a time or even on bad days hour by hour. Prayers to you!!!!

so I am really trying not to "fuss" I just called him and told him my daughter is going to bring him his Burrito Supreme from Taco Hell he asked for 2 so 2 he gets. I asked him if he ate breakfast today...he said ya I ask what he says a Boost I ask you lying he said ya. I knew it cuz he is buzzed already so here he says lets see how it goes in Dec(his pet scan) and see if this was worth it, so more or less he believes he is probably gonna die and soon, in his mind he has given himself a death sentence. I asked him why he says that, is there something going on with your body you aren't telling me and he said no. I said you need to eat to get healthy he hung up on me. he called back said if you are going to call me to do this to me don't call me at all. I said I called about bringing you your craving food but wanted to know if you started what you promised by eating 3 meals a day and no beer til after 5. He said he more or less did that to get me off his back. Friggin Nice. I told him he is going to end up in the hospital he thought I meant after his PET scan I said NO NOW and soon if you don't start getting nutrition in your body besides coffee, beer and cigarettes all day long. He said I can find someplace else to go and I said by all means please do cuz I can't watch this what you are doing to yourself. He told me to quit reading on this forum...ya right. I am right now printing off your responses so he can read them himself and see he is NOT alone in this. He don't know how to work a computer...ya I know and I don't have the time to show him and can't when he's drunk anyway! I so wish I could print Liz' whole blog so he can read that! I took a 1/2 a Xanex today. I was getting heart palpatations. AND I'm eating damn chocolate! I HATE CHOCOLATE!

Suez - you print out whatever you want. It's your decision. You can always tape it to your refrigerator or even inside next to the beer supply. He'll have to look at it sometime. He may not know how to work a computer, but he can read. When my son would get "difficult" during treatment and afterwards, and didn't like my always telling him what he should do, I would print out what I thought he needed to know and left it right by his bed so it would be the first thing he saw when he woke up. Some people take advice/suggestions better from people other than the significant other or in my case the mother. I'm sorry to hear you hate chocolate!! I love it and If I was there I would help you eat it for sure. Hang in there. Better days are coming.

I don't post too much anymore - but boy, oh boy, did this thread ring bells for me! Frankly, I come and read occasionally but have too much stress to be much good to anyone. DH has not had a drink in 15 years.....now hooked on pain meds. To him, it's the same thing so I've spent the last year listening to he just wants to die, everything is awful, on and on. However, now (as of a couple weeks ago) we know the pain was really there and not just radiation damage. A root from a tooth (all pulled pre-tx) is thru the gums. So, now it's off the dentist to see if anything can be done. Fact remains that he's on pain meds and can't get off, is irrational, moody, cold and hot, etc., etc. Been thru a bunch of anti-dep stuff and nothing works. However, on physical exam last week there was no cancer and when we got to the car I blew my stack big time about how it's time to start thinking survivor not patient and get his head out of his a$$! (always the thoughtful spouse, right?) Guess my klonopin wasn't working real well . When I approached the doc back in April with tapering him off this crap I got a "90% of my patients are in the same boat" and that was it. I'm gonna leave off there and not go "full rant" but know you are not alone.....caregiving is tough, drives you nuts (got two grandkids at our house with FAS/fetal anticonvulsant syndrome as well), and leaves you worn out ragged. Reading Cookey's posts were the best thing I've ever done.....you're not alone in this. Take care of you or you can't take care of anyone else.

The Cheryl and Sue. If u ever need someone to talk to just PM me. My husband was a alcoholic and drug addict 10 years ago. He wasn't the one diagnosed with OC but I have been there when someone you love has one of these diseases. Without al- anon and AA my mentality now would have never been achieved.
Please remember this is a disease not something personal against you and that you may have the disease of enabling them without knowing. This is what your husbands know to do to cope.
Please take time for yourself. The hardest thing to do is making sure your ok. You cant make people change you can only change yourself.
((((((hugs)))))))

Suez - Susan is oh so right! Enabling the alcoholic is something that we get sucked into by the alcoholic who can be very charming and intelligent and good at hiding his addiction plus they can lie so convincingly. It's just a characteristic of the disease. Al-anon was a lifesaver for me and when I finally got the courage up to go, I was astounded at what a difference it made for me to be able to cope and to realize there were things I could do to help myself. You can PM me, too - I get my PM's forwarded to my phone right away.