Sometimes it's so overwhelming that I just have to take a break from it from time to time. I get my head wrapped around other things so I can keep my sanity. It's creepy that over 5,000 people have joined the forum since I did. Everytime that someone dies here or has a recurrence, impacts me deeply. I have professional counseling training and you still never get used to it. One of the hardest things was the first OCF meeting in Las Vegas. It was great putting faces to the names but the dark side was many of those are no longer with us. It made it very difficult and very personal. I met their wives and kids - it was heart wrenching. Danny boy said it well when he called it "a bastard of a disease"...