All,

thanks for all your kind words. I read them all, lapped them up, more like, and really appreciate that you took the time to reply.

It's good to have a forum like this, and I know that nobody will be upset or angry that I didn't reply sooner. You've all been there, done that, so you know what it's like.

Treatement finished late January, after three rounds of Cisplatin, with 5Fu thrown in the first round, too. 30 radiation rounds.

At the end of the treatment, Volker said if someone had offered him a switch to end his life, he would have thrown it.

He was a miserable heap, and you are right, the crumbs in the drawers were not all that important anymore. It's all a matter of perspective, I guess.

I know I will never really understand what he feels like. What it's like to have no energy, no appetite, hardly any teeth to chew with and no saliva to get the stuff down.

The scan they took 3 months after tx was finished was clear. So there's good news, after all.

Now we're trying to get the patient back into a healthy, energized state, which is difficult. He tried to stop tube feeding a few weeks ago, but since oral food intake is still too much of a problem (Yuck factor, lack of appetite, saliva and taste), he lost even more weight, until the dietician whipped him back into shape and ordered him to get 8 Fortisips per day te even keep his weight, not mentioning gaining any.

He's very keen to lose the PEG tube, because it bothers him. But there are not many days where he manages to take in even 200 Calories on top of his 8 bottles of Fortisip.

Is there a section in this forum that discusses recipes and tips for food preparation? What to offer? How to prepare? I'm a keen cook, but lately, nothing I come up with seems to do the job. Can't do potatoes (they apparently dry up the mouth even more), nothing fried, no fish, no meat, no salad, no bread. Some soups work, but if a soup works one day, it does not mean it'll work the next day, too.

So I cook and freeze and cook and freeze, and have the freezer filled to capacity with things he once thought he'd like, but now no longer wants. If I could cook only three tablespoons full of stuff, I would, but with anything I cook, at most three spoonfuls end up in him and three tupperware containers go in the freezer.

Note to self: learn simple arithmetic and divide my recipes by 8.

Everything I prepare for him, I try to add lots of carbs and fat. Then he takes a little sip and since the freezer is full, I feel obliged to tuck in, so it doesn't go to waste. No waste = bigger waist. Mine. Arghhh.

Soon we'll both need new clothes, he, because his stuff is too loose, me, because my stuff is too tight. Maybe we should just swap?

He's teamed up with a guy who went through the same treatment and is about 4 months ahead of him. That gives him some kind of perspective and helps set expectations.

Still, I'd never have thought that the recovery after the treatment would be so slow.

I guess we'll invest in a real good juicer and continue to poach eggs for a while.

I'll be lurking and reading posts, even if I won't post much myself.

This forum is an incredibly helpful resource, although there are still some corners where I don't dare to go.

cheers

Ingeborg