I'm about to embark on a new job although this one comes with no job description and no training. Caregiver to the love of my life. How do I do this, where do I begin? I don't know anything at all. We've never had children and have only ever cared for each other and animals. How do I care for a real life human being? What if I do something wrong? How will my choices affect him? I took a career break from work to care for him but lets face it, this is a career change. Ask me how to fix your internet, not a problem. Ask me to manage a team of 25 people, easy done. Ask me to care for my partner while he is going through hell, my god I'm scared. I have no idea how to do this, where to start or how to begin. So I sit on this wonderful site, night after night and research. I've learnt somethings I never dreamed I would have to know at 39. I'm still to learn so many things I don't want to know. I pray every night I will do this well and I won't let him down. Please God give me the strength to get through this, please let me do it right. This most important job of my life. How the hell did we get here?


Sorry guys, just had to vent a bit. Having a tough day and night, one of many. Thought it might help to get it out of my system. Teeth coming out on monday so it's starting to begin, although really it began at diagnosis.

Wendy, you will be a wonderful caregiver. You took the time to put into words your feelings which shows how caring you are. Be strong and take time for yourself so you dont get worn down.

I was the patient without a caregiver. Still dont know how I got thru this twice by myself. Just being there for him and takign him to appointments. Making him comfortable and making sure he eats, drinks and is taking the meds are most important. Its also alot more than that. Mentally this disease changes a person. It hurts and scares them so much that it can come out directed towrads the closest one, their caregiver.

Your post shows how much you care, which is whats necessary to be a great caregiver.

Wendy,
Your feelings are normal. Like Christine said this disease does change a person mentally. I just have one thing, remember that he loves you even when he is mean and saying mean things. He scared like you and may say tings that would never come out of his mouth otherwise. I know I have said some things to my husband (caregiver) that I never knew I could say. It is a scary thing to go through and sometime we do not know how to handle all the feelings inside. I can tell that you arte a caring young lady just by your words. I will be praying for you and your husband during this most difficult time. Keep us update on how he is doing and on hoiw you are doing. This is a great place for comfort and encouragement.

Wendy,

You are already a great caregiver in my opinion and believe me you will learn more as you go. This site is extremely helpful in all ways so ask, rant or rave away anytime you want to and you will get plenty of support.

My wife, my vida, the saver of my butt was an only child and she came through like a pro even without the wisdom of this or any site as she is computer challenged in the worst way.

Don't feel at all unusual if you get totally frustrated at times because you will and don't be surprised if the love of your life yells at you because he probably will since you are there.

Wendy- Just keep reminding him how much you love him. My husband would get to the point where he'd say-Enough already, I know, I know you love me. Remember to take some time for yourself whether you go for a walk or just sit on the porch to breathe. I didn't do that at the beginning until a wise lady on this board suggested it. It will help you to be a better caregiver. Please let me know if I can help in anyway.

Sue

Oh Wendy..you will be great, you already are. Have faith in yourself, you can do it. My husband is my primary caregiver and we are young also. I was 27 when diagnosed and he was 36. I know what you mean about knowing some things you never thought you would need to know at this young age.

He will need support and understanding and you already do that. Be there to listen to him if he wants to talk. Everything will come naturally because you love him.

Bring questions to appointments and write down the answers. Keep all of the bills, receipts, copies of scans and everything else you get. I organize mine in a 3 ring binger with dividers and folders. Everything is neatly organized so when I need something I can put my hands on it in quickly. I would suggest doing that soon, before you get too much paperwork to keep track of. I think someone else on your other thread made the suggestion of keeping a typed list of the medications he is taking.

Make sure he eats and drinks. And just love him...you will get through this. And, as always, post here all the time for support. That's what we do here...help each other through the hard times and celebrate the good times. We are here for you.

Christine...I did not know you didn't have help through your treatments. That is so hard. I am close enough to you..whenever you need anything, you let me know. I will drive you wherever you need to go. You should not go to appointments alone. I am here for you.

xoxo

thanks everyone, I'm learning so much from you all. I don't feel so unprepared anymore although in a lot of ways I probably still am. Christine, you are an inspiration. Getting through this twice on your own. What an amazing woman you are.

Big day ahead tomorrow. All of Steve's teeth being removed. This is the last step before we can concentrate on getting him well.

Good luck tomorrow Wendy. I will be thinking about you

Good luck tomorrow. I will be praying for you and Steve.

Good luck to you Steve! I had my teeth completely removed 3/4/09. Surprisingly, its not as bad as you would think. Having the port and PEG placed was worse than when the teeth were removed. It will take a while to heal, I still have a few places that havent healed yet.

I know its hard to understand but this really is for the best if his teeth arent in the best shape. After going thru chemo and radiation his teeth could have become a big problem for him. He would have then needed HBO treatments which take several weeks before any dental work. By removing his teeth now it will help him to avoid so many issues later.

If you need some easy foods, let me know Im full ideas for recipies and easy things to eat for when you dont have any teeth.