Taking meds that allow you to feel normal or cope emotionally is not something to be ashamed of. Jeez... we get diagnosed with cancer, the word alone associated with our name in the same sentence creates fear and anxiety, and this is totally appropriate as a response since it is - in so many different versions - a killer diagnosis. I was on opiates and synthetic opiates for over a year, I was on anti-depressants for two years. I was a wreck emotionally and physically, and as a "guy" this screwed with my self image, that I was being such a puss about the pain, and the physical results/the new me. But with 20/20 hindsight, and sharing so many other's experiences now over the last decade, I realize that I was pretty much like everyone else, and any self deprecation was a waste of emotional energy. For sure, there are some seriously tough people out there like Glenn who was on our boards for several years, and Colleen Pinter, who both went through Hell and didn't whine or complain once to me. But they are certainly exceptions to the experience, not the norm. While my age and previous experience with drugs (I am a child of the 60's) perhaps colors my view, I am in favor of better living through chemistry.... I see no reason to go through pain or anxiety, if you can get some assistance in dealing with it. No one has to prove to the world that they can tough it out. They just need to get to the other side of the disease process cancer free, and then begin to work on adjusting to their new self. None of this happens overnight.

When your pain subsides, and your emotional perspective balances, stepping down gradually from things under medical supervision takes time, as your body has become accustomed to the crutch. But that doesn't mean that if done gradually enough you will not be able to in a manner that does not cause you undo discomfort physically or emotionally.

I think that the thing that we see here often, and which I was part of in my process as well, is that people do not realize how much these drugs are altering your perception of things. Not that you shouldn't be angry in some way about the cards that you have been dealt, or in how this is impacting your life and world, but more how you deal with expressing that anger. I did, and others that have posted here in ways that are insensitive, sometimes are speaking through a voice that is partly them, partly the impact of the drugs. Some (like Gary has stated before about his own experience), actually go through anger management counseling to get past this. I just made everyone around me miserable with my anger and frustration. I wish that I had handled it all differently in retrospect, but I have mended fences with those whom I treated poorly, including my treating doctors, in the past.

I don't think that people should side step pharmacological assistance if it makes the process easer because of fear of the after effects of the drugs. They all wear off over time.

Thank you Gary and Brian. Both of your posts help me not feel as guilty. I wish the doctors talked more to us patients about this other stuff. Anxiety, coming off of meds...these have been hard for me. I guess that's why I see a therapist!!! She helps with these stresses..her and the wonderful people I have found here.

Has anyone ever tried St. John's Wort? Isn't that a "Natural" anti depressant?

It has been shown in actual (double-blind) studies to be effective in moderate depression but the problem is that what you can purchase otc (over-the-counter) is anybody's guess: you're trusting that what the bottle indicates it contains is actually what's in there. If one does decide to try it, one should be sure to let the pharmacist who fills your rx-s know, b/c there can be interactions. Just b/c something is "natural" doesn't make it benign.