Hi Vanessa and Jeff,

So glad you found this site, I know what Jeff means about being addicted to it. When I first found it I was on all the time!! I spent the first weekend glued to the laptop. It really has changed my life. Vanessa, I think there has to be care givers brain...I don't how you guys do it. I always say I think it's easier to the patient. Sounds like you are awesome at what you do. How is Jeff doing? I read most of this post so forgive me if this was mentioned. Is Jeff seeing a therapist? I think I saw something about this. If he is, I think that is awesome. It took me 2 years to take that step. The first 2 years during all the appointments and surgeries I was on auto pilot. Then one day I cracked. I went to the therapist and cried for the entire hour..man did that feel good. I'm a new woman today and still see my therapist every 2-3 weeks.

I'll be thinking of both you and look forward to reading your posts.

Suzanne,

There is no way it can be easier to be the patient. I wouldn't wish this treatment on my worse enemy. You have to be so brave to get through each day!

Good for you that you finally see a therapist. It is really important to a have a safe place to vent and just be real.

Jeff saw a therapist once and he has a another appointment coming up. Unfortuataly our insurance is such that he is only seen every couple of weeks. He has joind a support group for now while he can get there.

Take care,

Vanessa

Everyone handles situations differently. And how can one know how you'll react until you're already waist deep in all the muck?

How true that is!!

I remember being told about the Peg and all I could think of was "hey, that's for really sick people and certainly I'm not one of those" and then the doc told me about the possibility of severe pain, severe weight loss, etc and not ever having to experience something like this before in my life, I said "bring it on, I can handle it". Well it brought it on and I was not prepared for it!!! My treatment was a humbling experience.

I noticed that you are a Marine. My husband retired in 1984 after 20 years active duty. His diagnosis of SCC was so unexpected, that he is still reeling. He is half way through chemo and still has 20+ radiation left. What worries me is he has just about gone to bed all the time. He gets up to go to treatment. Then most of the day he is in bed. He gets his nutrition through a PEG on a continuous feed. I have scheduled an appointment for him to see a psychiatrist next week because he is so depressed. His mental outlook is something I didn't expect. Do you have any ideas what I should do to help him? Thanks. Pam

Pam, Im sorry things are so difficult for your husband. Being a Marine, Im sure this is very hard for him going thru something he cant control. Good news is that he is almost at the 1/2 way point but thats also where things start getting harder.

I spent alot of time in bed resting too. Radiation wears you out. If he is getting proper nutrition and hydration then thats soemthing that will help make him feel better. Many people here have had to take anti depressants to get thru the mental aspect of this terrible disease.

Make sure you take a few minutes for you daily too. Dont let this wear you out also, it can be a very difficult job being the caregiver.

Hi Pam,

That is great that you made an appointment with a psychiatrist for him. I think you both will be happy you made that choice. Does your husband want to go? I starting seeing therapist 2 years after my diagnosis and I wish I had done it sooner.

Like Christine said, take some time for yourself too. Talk to a friend about something,anything that is not cancer. It will do you some good. In regards to helping your husband..my idea may not be for all but...When I was home from my surgeries Ray would rub my feet or my shoulders. He made me tea and just other nice things to make day a little bit nicer. Or, when I went to bed he would scratch my back. It really helped me.

Good luck and I will thinking about you.

Pam,

Without knowing all the side effects your husband is experiencing I can only imagine what he is experiencing is totally normal and he needs to understand that. He also needs to understand that it will be tough until about the 2nd to 3rd week POST Tx and then he will start to recover. His life will change somewhat due to the side effects that usually remain after our recover is complete but most likely he will be cancer free. Please remember that without this Tx he would have died.

The mental aspect of this and probably all cancer is often ignored or at least pushed far into the background by our treating doctors and we, the patients and caregivers, are left to deal with that by ourselves. We are seldom equipped to do that and it often causes problems throughout the treatment and beyond so I definitely agree that consulting a mental specialist, especially one that has experience with cancer patients, is a wise thing to do. I think it should be SOP with all cancer patients to have a mental specialist as part of their treatment team.

Not for all of us david old buddy. That would just get in my way and plan of action. LOL My fault is I was raised to be independan and am big time.

Jim also liked being held down by the mask if I read right....lol

David, I agree. It is hard for a person to understand what another is going through, unless they have been through it themselves. Or has spent time talking and studying cancer patients. MD's treat the physical illness, not so much the psychological effects that come from the cancer. Who's to say what another person needs to get through the day or treatments.
No matter what the background.

Best wishes, luck and many blessings,
Kenny