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#97413 06-15-2009 08:03 PM
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Watt Offline OP
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I'm only beginning my treatment and I already feel beat. The chemo made me very sick and I'm depressed three days later. Meanwhile radiation continues and there is no chance to breath. I'm already loosing my voice. I worked for one hour today snaking a drain, I'm a plumber, and I almost passed out. I feel helpless because I will not be able to support my family the next 4-6 months. My work is very physical and I'm already weak. The hard part is everybody tells me I'm one of the strongest people they have ever known but I don't feel that way. I wish I could cry but I don't know how. I feel like a big baby for even putting these feelings into words.


Jeff age 49 DX 5/8/09 Tonsil cancer T2N2BMO. Tonsillectomy 5/14/09. TX: Cisplatin 3x's every 21 days w/ 33 Rad concurrent. 2-3 nodes on right neck affected. PEG 7/10/09. Chemo/rad start 6/12/9, TX finished 7/28/09. Extended TX
3 more chemo/Cisplatin/5FU/Docetaxil start 9/11, Clean PET 10/29/09.
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Hi,
I didn't think that my husband would have a hard time coping at all. When he walked into the treatment deal he thought he would do good and be able to work on his bathroom, he is remodleing. He had lost his job two weeks before christmas. We have 8 radiation treatments left and two chemos. He can hardly move. I found him this morning all most passed out in the kitchen from gaggiling with salt and it burnt his throat so bad. The outside of his neck is aweful almost like hamburger.
He has broke down and cried and I have not seen that in him since we went out together. and that was only once. We have been married 35 years next weekend. So if you need to break down I don't feel that is a problem.
Pat


Crgvr to Husband 55-yrs, surgery to remove cyst-diagnosed as SCC, 4/3/09 CT & Pet Scan showed more cancer in left lymph node and primary at the base of the tongue.TX Radiation 7 weeks 5 days a week last day is 6/25/09
Chemo completed 6/19/09
Peg Tube 5/22/09
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Watt...I wish my husband was not out of town this week or I'd have him write you a post. I think you put into words how he felt...my husband did eventually cry...sometimes he would go to sleep hoping he wouldn't wake up...ever. He started treatment feeling strong and healthy...and, ended treatment feeling anything but strong and healthy.

Due to the physical demands of his job, he was out of work from June 07 through February of 08. It was hard on him, on me and on the kids. But, in reflection...those nine months were a tiny part of his 50 years. And, a blip on our 20 year marriage.

I know it's hard to see the light at the tunnel...and the tunnel probably feels impossibly long right now.

Are you self employed or working for someone? Do you have the option to stop working and to give in to the rest your body is asking for?



Margaret
----------
C/G: Husband, 48 (at time of dx)
Dx 5/18/07 SCC, BOT, lymph node involvement. T1N2BM0. (Stage 4a, G2/3)
Tx 6/18 - 8/3/07, IMRT x 33 Cisplatin x3 (stopped after 1st dose due to hearing issues). Weekly Erbitux started 6/27/07 completed 8/6/07.
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Watt,

Are you an employee? Have you been paying into the California State disability program? If you have, file a claim! This is exactly what its there for! And its a really good program.

And you are most certainly NOT a big baby. Oral Cancer treatment is really rough, no matter how strong or tough you are.

Seriously, it sucks.

- Margaret


Stage IV SCC lt lateral tongue, surgery 5/19/08 (partial gloss/upper neck dissection left side/radial free flap reconstruction) IMRT w/weekly Cisplatin & Erbitux 6/30/08, PEG 1 6/12/08 - out 7/14 (in abdominal wall, not stomach), PEG 2 7/23/08 - out 11/20/08, Tx done 8/18/08
Second SCC tumor, Stage 1, rt mobile tongue, removed 10/18/2016, right neck dissection 12/9/2016
Third SCC tumor, diagnosed, 4/19/2108, rt submandibular mass, HPV-, IMRT w/ weekly Cisplatin, 5/9 - 6/25/2018, PEG 3 5/31/2018
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Watt Offline OP
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Margaret,
Thank you for your reply. I am self employed but I have been paying into state disability through my small corporation. I am waiting to hear if I qualify for benefits and if so how much. I have let my wonderful well trained employee go. I guess reality has hit me hard and I thank you for reminding me that there is light at the end of the tunnel but it seems so far away right now. I do have a wonderful support group but I truthfully feel very, very alone right now. Wish I could just skip the next six months. Sorry, what a baby.


Jeff age 49 DX 5/8/09 Tonsil cancer T2N2BMO. Tonsillectomy 5/14/09. TX: Cisplatin 3x's every 21 days w/ 33 Rad concurrent. 2-3 nodes on right neck affected. PEG 7/10/09. Chemo/rad start 6/12/9, TX finished 7/28/09. Extended TX
3 more chemo/Cisplatin/5FU/Docetaxil start 9/11, Clean PET 10/29/09.
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Hey, on this forum, you're not alone. I promise you that, absolutely.

And, fyi, a few years ago, when I was still in CA, I had to have surgery, was out for three weeks, and the state paid a huge percentage of my salary. I can't remember what it was, but it was good - really good.


Stage IV SCC lt lateral tongue, surgery 5/19/08 (partial gloss/upper neck dissection left side/radial free flap reconstruction) IMRT w/weekly Cisplatin & Erbitux 6/30/08, PEG 1 6/12/08 - out 7/14 (in abdominal wall, not stomach), PEG 2 7/23/08 - out 11/20/08, Tx done 8/18/08
Second SCC tumor, Stage 1, rt mobile tongue, removed 10/18/2016, right neck dissection 12/9/2016
Third SCC tumor, diagnosed, 4/19/2108, rt submandibular mass, HPV-, IMRT w/ weekly Cisplatin, 5/9 - 6/25/2018, PEG 3 5/31/2018
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Watt Offline OP
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Margaret,
I do have the option of not working but I need the income and I was hoping that I had at least a few more weeks to finish some pending jobs. I'm very responsible and I don't like letting my customers down. In fact I never really have let any down before. I know that this is a time to take care of myself but I can't help but think if I dig a little deeper for the strength...


Jeff age 49 DX 5/8/09 Tonsil cancer T2N2BMO. Tonsillectomy 5/14/09. TX: Cisplatin 3x's every 21 days w/ 33 Rad concurrent. 2-3 nodes on right neck affected. PEG 7/10/09. Chemo/rad start 6/12/9, TX finished 7/28/09. Extended TX
3 more chemo/Cisplatin/5FU/Docetaxil start 9/11, Clean PET 10/29/09.
Joined: Jan 2009
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Watt, I've been there bro and trust me man it's tough. It's ok to cry and let it out man. I was this big burly guy, ex grappler, boxer, mixed martial arts and there I was crying because I didn't want to continue my last chemo or 8 rads treatment. I ran a couple of hotels and consulted on a few more and I had to stop work and haven't been back since due to continuing treatment and surgery.

I had bills to pay and stressed out about making all of my payments...in the end finances worked themselves out and the things I was worried about didn't really matter. What mattered most to me was my next breath, my next moment with my wife and kids. Life was more then just my things, my lifestyle etc...just being able to live it was what was important.

You are a strong man, you've lasted longer then I did workin and you can do this if I did. Focus on the next moment and let the rest of it work itself out.

my email address is [email protected], you can find me on facebook with that if you ever need to chat it up or need an encouraging word or just need a sounding board.

Keep fighting this evil bro, keep your chin up and keep swinging.

Eric


Young Frack, SCC T4N2M0, Cisplatin,35+ rads,ND, RT Mandiblectomy w fibular free flap, facial paralysis, "He who has a "why" to live can bear with almost any "how"." -Nietzche "WARNING" PG-13 due to Sarcasm & WAY too much attitude, interact at your own risk.
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[quote=Watt]
I know that this is a time to take care of myself but I can't help but think if I dig a little deeper for the strength... [/quote]

Watt,

I can assure you, your clients and most of all, your family, are/is going to be whole helluva lot happier if you save a little of that strength for yourself as you do battle with this disease. A few months of inconvenience is nothing compared to the alternatives. Please, never lose sight of that.


Stage IV SCC lt lateral tongue, surgery 5/19/08 (partial gloss/upper neck dissection left side/radial free flap reconstruction) IMRT w/weekly Cisplatin & Erbitux 6/30/08, PEG 1 6/12/08 - out 7/14 (in abdominal wall, not stomach), PEG 2 7/23/08 - out 11/20/08, Tx done 8/18/08
Second SCC tumor, Stage 1, rt mobile tongue, removed 10/18/2016, right neck dissection 12/9/2016
Third SCC tumor, diagnosed, 4/19/2108, rt submandibular mass, HPV-, IMRT w/ weekly Cisplatin, 5/9 - 6/25/2018, PEG 3 5/31/2018
Joined: Sep 2006
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Watt,

YOU ARE NORMAL. Period

This cancer does a mental number on anyone. How could one not be affected by hearing that they have a Stage III cancer that has a 50% chance of killing you EVEN after getting treated? Then this state of the arts (?) barbaric treatment starts which I feared more than the damn cancer and on the vast majority of us it's very tough to deal with. But please know that the worst will only last until about 3 weeks post radiation. The dark tunnel you are walking into right now, you will emerge from and I project a really good chance that you will totally beat this crap.

I stopped working about my 4th week in and didn't/couldn't start up again until about 4 weeks post Tx and then it wasn't a full day. I was both mentally and physically weak. I couldn't concentrate on anything for more than 5 minutes.

Have you been tested for HPV?

Who is your caregiver?

Hang in there and if you want to talk just send me your contact numbers via a Private Message.

We will be with you night and day so don't hesitate to ask anything or just bitch. We all know what you are going through and you will make it. I guarantee it.


David

Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.
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