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sbk #92553 03-25-2009 02:20 PM
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Sara

It's the sad truth that there are too many losers like John. My mom used to say about louts like him that they are not real men.(the Lawrence Welk TV show which had been sacred in our house was forever banned when he divorced his wife).
Divorce is always sad (except for abuse)and I know the collective hearts of OCF go out to you. David's assessment of John is so true. To continue with the Wizard of Oz metaphors: John is just another flying monkey. Too bad he took your heart. Perhaps he ever regains his manhood he will come crawling back to you begging forgiveness. Be strong for your child.


65 yr Old Frack
Stage IV BOT T3N2M0 HPV 16+
2007:72GY IMRT(40) 8 ERBITUX No PEG
2008:CANCER BACK Salvage Surgery
25GY-CyberKnife(5) 3 Carboplatin
Apaghia /G button
2012: CANCER BACK -left tonsilar fossa
40GY-CyberKnife(5) 3 Carboplatin

Passed away 4-29-13
Charm2017 #92565 03-25-2009 04:12 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 5,260
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I must admit that I am divorced but, we just didn't get along and always said when we raise our kids we will divorce. 43 yrs later we did just that and are better friends than we were.


Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
EzJim #92573 03-25-2009 04:58 PM
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 8,311
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Never was normal and I'm damn proud of it.


David

Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.
davidcpa #92578 03-25-2009 06:58 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 5,260
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I agree David. THe big D is a bad deal and creates too many bad feelings from friends and family. Stick with it unless it is miserable, then get out.


Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
EzJim #92667 03-27-2009 04:09 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 32
sbk Offline OP
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Posts: 32
Hello everyone,

You guys are too, too much.

I will never be able to thank you enough now and over the years for your support and and WONDERFUL sense of humor!!!!!!

Your strength as individuals and as a group is inspirational!!!

I will be walking in April and will try to come up the Bethlehem in May to walk with one of my brothers living in the area. I may try to find some red sneakers (slippers may be a bit tough on the toes!).

I feel so much better remembering that there is a future, very different that the one I once saw, but perhaps one that was meant to be!!!

Thank you so much and I will kepp chceking in as I do and sending all TONS OF LOVE and PRAISES and STRENGTH!!!

Lots of love,

Sara






Wife of John, 40yo, SCC R Tonsil (3/10/04), s/p resection and rad neck, forarm falp, taxolx3 pre rad, rad (30 txmnts) & taxol/carbo. Now he is 49 and doing well!!!
sbk #92675 03-27-2009 05:13 AM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 5,260
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Sara, we love to make people feel better about themselves. After all, most of us are 110% human and have those deep caring feelings. I hope you get those red tennys for Bethlehem.


Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
sbk #93721 04-15-2009 10:05 AM
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Hi. I have gone through a very similar situation with my husband, sveral times. He tried to leave, and we have been separated.
John's actions sound so much like Scott's. He wants to forget vs dealing with all of this. He most likely feels guilt and doesn't want to look at you as it reminds him of HIS guilt of putting you through this. Although you may not have ever said anything like this to him.
He believes that by leaving his life with you he will be leaving all the sadness and loss that cancer has brought upon him.
A new person represents the ability to leave all that crap behind. Not so. Unfortunatley he will eventually have to deal with all the pain of the cancer and he will grieve the loss of his marriage to you.
He can run for only so long.

I had to let my husband go and he almost lost everything. I too prayed every day.
He hit bottom and luckily I just happen to stop by his house and found him unconcious from not taking his morphine. He went into the hospital and then detox.
A new man arose. He is 53 days free from morphine and is making remarkable strdes.
All you can do is be there for yourself, your daugher and pray for him each day.
I will pray for you and John.


jhelwege #93757 04-15-2009 07:58 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
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Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services
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Sara, if you are able to attend the Bethlehem walk, please post so we can meet up. There will be many OCF members attending, including myself, Jerry, Susan Mushock, Susan Lauria, and Ray. Hope to see you there.


Christine
SCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44
2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07
-65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr
Clear PET 1/08
4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I
surg 4/16/08 clr marg
215 HBO dives
3/09 teeth out, trismus
7/2/09 recur, Stg IV
8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy
3wks medicly inducd coma
2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit
PICC line IV antibx 8 mo
10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg
OC 3x in 3 years
very happy to be alive smile
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