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Joined: Aug 2008
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The only response I would have to people who would question me is have you walked in these shoes. I fully understand how the wrong comment can effect someone. That is why you have the support of others in your shoes. I know here in Canada there is a hot line to actually hook you up to talk with other people who have dealt with and lived the walk. Sometimes a shove or a push can help someone out of depression but most times it makes the person be harder on themselves. It is difficult to give advice to you due to boarder red tape it effects a lot of things in our lives. Here we have "help lines" and you can get help over the phone. Even if it is for the moment until you can get enough energy to get somewhere else. Also they have access to connections that could help to. Just don't give up keep plugging and the best thing is BABY STEPS!! and don't look back keep your eye on the prize. LIFE!!


Dianne..treatment at cc at Victoria Hospital, London, Ontario...insulin dependant, Surgery Sept 8/08 Tracheotomy,composite resection and bilateral neck dissection, left radial forearm free flap... T2N0 squamous cell carcinoma. No radiation A little over 2 yrs clear YAY
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That is a great answer Dianne. I hope they listen and pay attention to it.


Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
Joined: Jun 2007
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TRT,, you can handle it just like I am the past year plus. It does get lonely and when that happens I come into the forums or call my daughter . I get busy or try to all day long. I have been packing my NASCAR Collection and have no idea why. We'll all fight this together. Mine left me too , but I'm a tough guy that will be here regardless if she needs help or hinders me. Good luck and you will do it too. Gotta put a post in general for now. Have a good day.


Since posting this. UPMC, Pittsburgh, Oct 2011 until Jan. I averaged about 2 to 3 surgeries a week there. w Can't have jaw made as bone is deteroriating steaily that is left in jaw. Mersa is to blame. Feeding tube . Had trach for 4mos. Got it out April.
--- Passed away 5/14/14, will be greatly missed by everyone here
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 531
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Thanks Jim it is only cause I've been there too many times to count and the help I got here was basically the same. I really do hate to see someone fall so deep cause it is one of the hardest life modes to get out of and one of the easiest to slip deeper into. It can be a very scary place and I think a lot of us here are far too familiar with it. Unfortunately a lot of my experience comes way before cancer. It has been a life time battle. Day bay day winning Yay!!!


Dianne..treatment at cc at Victoria Hospital, London, Ontario...insulin dependant, Surgery Sept 8/08 Tracheotomy,composite resection and bilateral neck dissection, left radial forearm free flap... T2N0 squamous cell carcinoma. No radiation A little over 2 yrs clear YAY
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trt Offline OP
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A friend from abroad left 2 messages on a messenger program. Right now I feel so anxious that I am afraid to call him back. This kind of thing is really depressing/annoying/scary as it'd probably help me to talk to him. I started writing him a message but that made me emotional. Hopefully I can calm down and write it.

The annoying part is that it's much harder for me to contact anyone when I am really down/anxious. I just want to hide or sleep.
I am having trouble with sleeping too much. Today I woke up in the afternoon which is why I am awake now. Anxiety is also higher if I am awake at night as there is less distraction and I am less likely to go outside the house.

Last edited by trt; 11-30-2008 03:23 AM.

Dx 10/06 Adenoid Cystic carcinoma; Stage I. Soft palate/minor salivary glands.
Tx surgery 11/06 Tomotherapy (targeted IMRT) 3/07
Joined: Sep 2008
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You did say "a friend", right? Well that's exactly who you should be talking to. Don't worry about being emotional. Emotions just are, period, and this IS a friend. Who else should you be emotional with?

Write if you must, but I think you should call him.

Lani


SCC part glossectomy 3/06, recur 8/06 glossectomy, floor of mouth, part of jaw removed, RT/chemo thru 10/12/06, PET clear 7/08
"A bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you fail to make the turn"
Passed away 12/14/08
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I agree talking to a friend is great if you have one that can listen. I know that here in Canada we have and it is quite new I think but there is a number to call to connect and talk to people in the same situations and it runs 24/7. Night time is usually the worst time if someone is depressed nothing to do nowhere to go and can't sleep. Go figure by the time you get tired enough the sun is coming up.

Talking to your friend is a good idea. But honestly it takes a lot to do and I am working on it myself is physical activity. It emits endorphines and lowers anxiety. Also a tip I learned is that when a person is anxious or depressed Vitamin B12 can help control depressiion I am not sure how it works but it does...If any of these ideas helps that great and if not you may need to take some antidepresants. Alot of people going through this experience are on them and it is not permanent but it can help...
One other piece of information I was given and it helped me and again the "queen of anxious" was to concentrate one day at a time and even better one moment at a time. For the moment this moment I am ok and when you start to get worked self talk yourself. It connects into a whole line of meditating and self talk. There are many varieties of it. Mine was to be totally aware of my surroundings start off with 10 things I can hear right now and feel right now. Then nine things I can see right now hear right now feel right now. You get the idea and do this all while focusing on a rock or an object (necklace, stuffed animal whatever). The more you work on this technique as soon as you pick up the object you will automatically feel safe and calm. It worked for me I have a necklace I used with an amathyst crystal.

Anyway sorry to have rambled I know how you feel and want to help you get through this. You can and will. One step at a time!!! Lean on whoever is willing to let you!!!


Dianne..treatment at cc at Victoria Hospital, London, Ontario...insulin dependant, Surgery Sept 8/08 Tracheotomy,composite resection and bilateral neck dissection, left radial forearm free flap... T2N0 squamous cell carcinoma. No radiation A little over 2 yrs clear YAY
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,128
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If you are not on antidepressants, you should seriously consider checking in with your Doc -- You list a lot of depression symptoms -- Since some ADs take a while to take effect, Doc will likely also prescribe anti-anxiety meds for the meanwhile.


Age 67 1/2
Ventral Tongue SCC T2N0M0G1 10/05
Anterior Tongue SCC T2N0M0G2 6/08
Base of Tongue SCC T2N0M0G2 12/08
Three partial glossectomy (10/05,11/05,6/08), PEG, 37 XRT 66.6 Gy 1/06
Neck dissection, trach, PEG & forearm free flap (6/08)
Total glossectomy, trach, PEG & thigh free flap (12/08)
On August 21, 2010 at 9:20 am, Pete went off to play with the ratties in the sky.
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 149
trt Offline OP
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Posts: 149
Thanks. You are not rambling at all. Just the fact that you are writing is helpful to me. Even though I know or do some of the stuff you mention it's useful to be reminded.

Physical activity used to be great for me before Dx. Right now, I get sick (cold/flu like symptoms) and exhausted even if I work out lightly. That's one of the things that's pissing me off massively as I cannot do what I used to do, I am much weaker and lost muscle mass.

That's especially true about night. I get a lot more anxious when I am up late alone at night. Some of these people are in other time zones so that helps.

Yesterday, I was a complete mess. I am better today. I took double dose of Lexapro 40mg (antidepressant SSRI) and 2mg of Ativan and watched TV for distraction. I also take Modafinil which is a stimulant. I do take all kinds of supplements like B50 complex.

sometimes I try to talk to my mother but she is also depressed and sick so sometimes I can help her and at other times she brings me down with her.

[quote=darkeyedlady0]I agree talking to a friend is great if you have one that can listen. I know that here in Canada we have and it is quite new I think but there is a number to call to connect and talk to people in the same situations and it runs 24/7. Night time is usually the worst time if someone is depressed nothing to do nowhere to go and can't sleep. Go figure by the time you get tired enough the sun is coming up.

Talking to your friend is a good idea. But honestly it takes a lot to do and I am working on it myself is physical activity. It emits endorphines and lowers anxiety. Also a tip I learned is that when a person is anxious or depressed Vitamin B12 can help control depressiion I am not sure how it works but it does...If any of these ideas helps that great and if not you may need to take some antidepresants. Alot of people going through this experience are on them and it is not permanent but it can help...
One other piece of information I was given and it helped me and again the "queen of anxious" was to concentrate one day at a time and even better one moment at a time. For the moment this moment I am ok and when you start to get worked self talk yourself. It connects into a whole line of meditating and self talk. There are many varieties of it. Mine was to be totally aware of my surroundings start off with 10 things I can hear right now and feel right now. Then nine things I can see right now hear right now feel right now. You get the idea and do this all while focusing on a rock or an object (necklace, stuffed animal whatever). The more you work on this technique as soon as you pick up the object you will automatically feel safe and calm. It worked for me I have a necklace I used with an amathyst crystal.

Anyway sorry to have rambled I know how you feel and want to help you get through this. You can and will. One step at a time!!! Lean on whoever is willing to let you!!! [/quote]


Dx 10/06 Adenoid Cystic carcinoma; Stage I. Soft palate/minor salivary glands.
Tx surgery 11/06 Tomotherapy (targeted IMRT) 3/07
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 149
trt Offline OP
Senior Member (100+ posts)
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 149
yes, I am massively depressed also, and tried a bunch of meds. Right now it's Lexapro, ativan, modafinil and gabapentin (which I am not really taking--they are supposed to help me kick addiction to Ativan). For some reason the Psychiatrist cancelled a bunch or appointments so I have not seen him in 4 months. He works part time at the Hospital. Thought I don't know what else he could do: I could switch to a different anti depressant or anxiolytic.

[quote=Pete D]If you are not on antidepressants, you should seriously consider checking in with your Doc -- You list a lot of depression symptoms -- Since some ADs take a while to take effect, Doc will likely also prescribe anti-anxiety meds for the meanwhile. [/quote]


Dx 10/06 Adenoid Cystic carcinoma; Stage I. Soft palate/minor salivary glands.
Tx surgery 11/06 Tomotherapy (targeted IMRT) 3/07
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