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#72629 04-08-2008 06:58 AM
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Hi everyone, I'm new here.
In August of 2007 my father was diagnosed with stage 4 Oral Cancer. The tumor was on the floor of his mouth at the base of his tongue. He began radiation and chemo immediately, taking radiation 5 days a week, chemo 1 day a week. This lasted around 9 weeks or so. After he completed his treatment, he decided he was "done" and never went back for the follow-up visit or the PET scan. He told us that if the cancer came back, he would not go through treatments again.

The problem is that now 6 months later, he's convinced that the cancer is back not only in his mouth, but also in his head. Now mind you, a doctor has NOT confirmed that! I believe he is seriously depressed and scared to find out what is actually wrong. He literally sleeps 18 or so hours a day. He says he is dizzy all of the time, and he won't eat. He had a PEG tube put in before all of his treatment started, but he refuses to use it! He is down to about 97 pounds now.

My question is this: How can we convince him to go to the doctor?? I know he's scared. We all are. But it is so hard to sit and watch him waste away. Especially when he doesn't know for sure that the cancer is back???

Sorry this is so long, but I'm hoping maybe someone out there will have some advice for me, my mom and brother. We are at a loss.


**daddysgirl**
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I thought my husband was difficult!!!

i don't know for sure what to advise you but perhaps you could ring the doctor and have word,then they could ring your Dad and say he needs to come in for a check up.
Short of tying him up i can't think of any way to force a grown man to do anything he is being so stubborn about.

it must be awful for you and i can only say good luck which seems a bit inadequate..
liz


Liz in the UK

Husband Robin aged 44 years Dx 8th Dec 2006 poorly differentiated SCC tongue with met to neck T1N2cM0 Surgery and Radiation.Finished TX April 2007
Recurrence June/07 died July 29th/07.

Never take your eye off the ball, it may just smack you in the mouth.
Cookey #72638 04-08-2008 09:23 AM
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I too, like Liz, am kind of at a loss for words. I would definately start by calling the doctors office and asking to speak with the or the nurse? Tell them everything you have told us!!! Hopefully they will have some good advice / plan of action for you to take. I don't know much about Medical Power of Attorney, but I know it exists. You may want to Google it or call your attorney if you have one or the cancer center where your dad was treated. We had one on my mother and it was facilitated by the cancer center. Hopefully it won't come to that for your family...

Good luck!


Michelle, CG to husband (45), DX 2/08 Stage IVa Adenocarcinoma Salivary Gland (T2N2bMO)
Parotidectomy & ND 2/08, Tumor margins not clear, 4 of 30 nodes positve for cancer,
TX IMRT 39x, cisplatin 7x (completed 5/1/08),
PEG (4/22 - 7/9), No port. Currently in remission!

luvmyhubby #72643 04-08-2008 10:33 AM
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If he is a "danger to himself" you can call 911 and have him taken to a hospital for evaluation.

It took me over a year to get back on my feet again and cancer fatigue is well known. His weight loss is a more serious issue though - What did he weigh before treatment?

You can only get power of attorney if the person grants it to you or is deemed mentally incompetent (basically not able to speak). Typically it will take 2 physicians affidavits to present to the court.

He is very likely suffering from depression and very possibly from thrush and other side effects of treatment as well. He really needs to go to his followup appointments. Even something as simple as thrush can be fatal if it goes systemic.


Gary Allsebrook
***********************************
Dx 11/22/02, SCC, 6 x 3 cm Polypoid tumor, rt tonsil, Stage III/IVA, T3N0M0 G1/2
Tx 1/28/03 - 3/19/03, Cisplatin ct x2, IMRT, bilateral, with boost, x35(69.96Gy)
________________________________________________________
"You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes" (James 4:14 NIV)
Gary #72689 04-09-2008 02:06 AM
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His body may be just loosing control rendering him incapable of making rational decisions. He needs to be admitted with or without his consent so that qualified specialists can evaluate him ASAP. Every hour he does not provide the much needed nourishment his body needs not only to carry out normal daily functions but to heal itself from the trauma caused by his brutal cancer Tx takes him closer to death as his body will just shut down and give up.


David

Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.

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