OK, since I seemed to think this new forum would be helpful guess I`d better contribute something, something we can just sort of hash around. Dinah`s comment got me thinking about our emotionally changes, the importance of support groups, and how cancer has changed our lives. Brian, you often refer to cancer as the hand you`ve been dealt, and so does Packer. I believe if there is a meaning to life, that we are here to help each other.......The other day, one of our new members suspected her husband had an infection.........collectively we helped get him to the doc......turns out he had an infection......so, I`m bouncing around the house, saying Jack`s got an infection ! Not that that was happy news, but we made a difference, I think along with this dreadful disease that we have been given alot of ability to help others. So many of us have been given lemons and made gallons of lemonade ! Perceptions, empathy, friendships, these have all been given us along with the cancer...it`s not complimentary medicine,but gifts we have right now, we get caught up so in our own misery, that we don`t realize how important we are in the world.Maybe, we can just stop and think right now about the tools we carry with us right now. When the hero starts out on his journey, he always has weapons to fight the monsters along the way..........Dee

Weapons I carry?

Support of my family...the caring of the OCF family (and believe me that means so much as newbies will come to realize)
And a belief that if this is the hand I was dealt; hell, I've always been pretty lucky at poker. So why should this be any different.
(of course the luck at poker was only if someone wrote down "what beat what" in a hand)

Dee, this is a great thread, because I am sure there are things that I just am not thinking of right now, that I'd love to hear other people express, so I could say: Oh ya' me too!!!

Dinah

hi Dee and Dinah,

i'm glad you got this started. over time there could be some very interesting and educational discussions.

one fellow i know said, everything has a beginning, a middle and an end. i use that idea to help me get thru things by breaking them into parts which seem smaller and easier to bear. indead on really rough stuff, i break each part into 3 parts. that's one of my weapons against cancer.

support groups came to the front for me after i'd been treated. a weekly group meeting with other cancer folks and OCF reading/posting whenever it seems appropriate.

adjunctive therapy?
yes, it is helping me.

although i'm graduating from the local support group next week, i intend to continue reading/lurking/posting to OCF. the power of group is just too strong to be overlooked.

best wishes,
cu,
larryb

I will be the first to acknowledge that I came to this site with a bad attitude. Not that I was trying to hurt anyone, but I didn't think anyone could possibly be feeling the pain I was in.

I was wrong.

I have since learned to lean on others and voice my opinion....ok....it might not be what everyone wants to hear. That's ok. You WILL find a friend here. And thanks to Brian, we all have an outlet. You only have to search.

This disease has many layers. One day you are in your own self-enclosed envelope. One day later the doctor gives you a diagnosis of cancer. It changes EVERYTHING! Nobody can deny this.

Whatever helps us through it is good. You don't have to put a face on the God, you don't have to see if it is politically correct, you just feel it inside. You know when you have met good people. And they are here.

Thank you for this outlet Brian. I think you will be pleased with the outcome. We are all looking for validation for our feelings and what might make them easier to bear.

Mandi

Well, we seem to be gently sliding into this discussion of things that help get through. One of my favorites, which will turn off negative thoughts is music..........But, it`s not the soothing relaxation crap, that stuff personally makes me nervous..........Nope, it`s good old rock music.......I put a cd in, my headset on, crank it up as loud as possible, which I know is not good for hearing,and sing along...Personal favorites for letting off steam are the Rolling Stones and Meatloaf........anything that I know the words, so I can sing along.........I`ve found if I`m listening and singing, it pretty much takes care of my thinking......this tends to make my cats very nervous, but for me it`s a great stress buster !!! Dee

Cats nervous? They run too fast!!! But, I can make the dogs howl!!!

Dinah

I was telling one of my doctors the other day that although in many ways the last year has been the toughest year of my life, it was not an unhappy year. It sometimes is curious to me that although I had to deal with pain, discomfort, loss of the ability to eat most foods, using a PEG, etc., on an emotional level I have actually been pretty happy.

He responded that this is not at all unusual for those of us going through this battle with cancer. We know what we face and really have no choice but to deal with it and make the most of our lives. If nothing else it makes us appreciate the lives that we have and the outpouring of caring and love from those around us ( including people who we meet on this board ) is very heartwarming.

Danny G.

Hi, I have a few tricks I use to help me get thru 3 years of always coming up surgerys and trying to recover. The music one is a good one, my favorite Eric Clapton, CD player and head phones in the hospital was good to block out all the noise. I like Civil war history, so I read more books on it, reading about battles, made me think my problems were not so big. My faith was a big help also, and last my cat "Billy Bad Ass". This cat has been in trouble from the beginning, the Vet even thought he had lukemia once. I remember him saying watch the strips if they are not all blue , we have trouble. They were all blue, I wish I had been as lucky! Well then he got past someone and got out, he was hit by a car , his tail bone was smashed and both legs, it was really bad, at first the Vet was going to put him done, I was crying and I said " I guess this is the end Billy Bad Ass". When the Vet heard that he said with that name , we have to try. He took tissue and muscle from his stomach area and rebuilt one of the legs, did a little with his backbone and the other leg was left alone to maybe remove later. I went before work every day to encourage Billy. Finally he could come home, he walked in and slapped the other to cats and marched around like he owned the place! He worked hard to get back to a normal cats life and he never quit. He is still bad, even now that he is older. He sets in my bird bath, sleeps in my flowers and smashes them, he has broken more things than my kids did when they were little, but I would not trade him for the world because when they did all the surgery on me and I would be weak and never think I would get up again I would think of Billy and say if that damn cat can do it so can I! Everyone in our town knows Billy and all my Doctors did too, so even though this is a long post for me , I had to share Billy with you. He even had a flap before I did.

Man, You Gotta Love "Billy Bad Ass" What an absolutely great story. We can learn so much and gain so much from our 4 legged family members. Mine always know when I`m down and when to comfort me..........I also find a good escape in reading when my mind isn`t too frazzled..I treat myself to Horror, the scarier the better. Stephen King calls his writing McDonalds for the mind, and I`ve been stuffing it in!Again thanks for the great cat story, which again brings to mind our need for humor, although mind tends towards gallows humor..........Laughtor is good medicine...........Dee

I'm loving this new thread already. Great job Dee!!!

I'm also a reader and lover of music. That doubled with a nice hot bubble bath usually lets me forget for a few minutes. That is, if the boys don't bang on the door and announce the next tattle that just CAN'T wait.
Example: (Mooooooooooommmmmm! Shane touched my popcorn!! No I didn't Mom,.....well, not until he kicked me......(me) "Cole, eat the stupid popcorn, and Shane if you touch your little brother one more time, I promise to climb in a chair and box your tall butt!!!) Mental picture: I'm 5 feet tall and my 12 year old already has me by three inches.....sigh.....

Anyway, when that fails, I can always look to my animals. It seems we all have a soft spot for the buggers. I have two cats, and an 80 lb Akita who is determined that she is a lap dog. If I've had an especially hard day, I go to Nikki, and just hug her around the neck and cry. She always lays that big brown-eyed beauiful head of hers on my shoulder and lets me fall. She is a hero of mine also. While hiking two years ago, she suffered "bloat". We were in a National Forest on Labor Day Weekend when she became swollen and in great pain. I had to call 911 from this remote mountain to find an animal hospital 60 miles away. The only thing I knew to tell the doctors was that she acted like a horse with colic. After rushing her in, in the middle of the night, we were told that she had literally flipped her stomach. The gases were building up in her system and killing her intestinal tissue. We could operate and have a 50/50 chance of saving her, or our dog would be dead by morning. After throwing every piece of damn plastic on me on the counter, I told the girl to keep running credit cards until she found one that would accept the "upfront" $2000 bill. It didn't matter. I was going to save her, if there was any way possible. I will never, and I know she won't either, forget them leading her down the hall to surgery. She looked back at me whining with, I kid you not, real tears running down her nose. I didn't give up on her and thank God, she's not giving up on me either.

Where would we be without these four-legged angels? I personally don't want to know.

Mandi

I should have known there would be numerous animal lovers on this message board...it is a group of loving caring people.

I agree completely that I don't want to experience life without knowing the love of my animals. They are the most accepting of all, they still love and support us even with all our faults. And no one will ever convince me that they don't know when we need them the most. It is a wonderful connection that I hope is never broken.

I heard a great quote the other day and I apologize if it's off topic.
"Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs might as well relax and accept it!!!"

Dinah
(who has both cats and dogs and hopes she can be the person they think she is)

I'll second (or third or forth) what Dinah said, without my dogs, I would have never gotten through this. (Not to take away from my loving, caregiver, wife of course!)

I also used music, prayer, the spa (i.e. hydrotherapy -post treatment), meditation techniques, visualization and every other thing I could find to get through this.

I really like what Dee said about "...listening and singing, it pretty much takes care of my thinking" That was great! (In AA we call it stinkin' thinkin').

This is a very interesting thread indeed. Some great coping tools here...

I absolutely agree that music plays a very important role in reducing our mental stress. Yesterday afternoon I went to a folk song concert with my husband. During the three hours, I was totally absorbed in the songs and the joyful atmosphere. I almost forgot about my illness if not for the dry mouth. All the songs I was familiar with and I tried to sing along with others in a low and hoarse voice, with sips of water from time to time. It has been a few years since the last concert I went to and both of us returned home with smiling and satisfied faces. Going to concerts was a dream to me last year and I am so glad that I made it real yesterday.

Karen stage 4 tonsil cancer diagnosed in 9/01.

Hi Karen, I am happy to tell you, that although my voice is raspier and a little lower than before, I am singing some lead and backing vocals in a band (three nights this week) and have less than 6 months out from end of treatment.

Just 4 short months ago I never even dreamed that I would be able to do this again. I have a drink holder attached to my mic stand and always have water available. My salivary function is slowly coming back.

Congratulations about making it to the concert - there really is life after all of this and it is certainly a whole lot more precious than before.