My mom has tongue cancer and was through with her 8 weeks of radiation two weeks ago. She has good days & bad, which I know is normal. I can see that she is getting quite depressed. We meet with her Oncologist next week. I want to discuss getting her on an antidepressant. She currently can't swallow & has a feeding tube so I hope this comes in liquid form. I am trying so hard to keep her upbeat, but it doesn't seem to be working. It's seems there is nothing that I can say to keep her encouraged. She just feels awful most of the time. Dealing with the thick Saliva, having no strength or energy, unable to eat or swallow. She goes from the bed, to her recliner and that is her day. On a good day, I have encouraged her to take a small walk & she does, but the good days are few right now. I guess I just needed to vent & get some encouragment or advice. This board is wonderful & has literally been a lifesaver to me at times.

You are all an inspiration.....God bless.

Susan

Susan
I know EXACTLY what you are going through....my mom's depression was so awful at times, and her energy was zero too. Unfortunately, it seems like this a normal part of treatment. She was same situation...feeding tube, no swallowing at all, trach, etc...while visiting the oncologist, a nurse came in who specialized in wound care and the mental aspects of cancer. She recommended an antidepressant, and we just crushed it and put it in her tube. It helps, but takes at least a week of being on it to see any difference. Even then, the dosages may need to be adjusted, so do not get discouraged. But there is no reason they shouldn't prescribe something for your mom. I know how hard this is on you and your family...I was at the point I thought maybe I needed antidepressants, as well. I got through, somehow....I think mainly because of the support I get on this website, honestly. Don't ever feel like you can't vent here....we all understand, and are happy to listen. If you need to talk, feel free to email me or IM me.....good luck, and keep your chin up!! It gets better!
Brooke

Susan, Brooke has some wonderful thoughts and ideas. My husband was my caretaker and he was unbelievable. He would plan field trips for me. Your Mom might not be able to do this to the extent that I could, but you should encourage her to get up everyday and do something. The something should be planned the night before. Maybe take a walk, pull some weeds, any little thing. Put a plan in place and do it. The feeling of accomplishment is unreal and with each one you want to stretch yourself a little farther.

Take care and thinking of you.

Anne.

Thanks both of you. I have been trying to get her to do some things, and if she is having a good day she is more than up for it. Today, however, she was just too exhausted to do anything. But she does have days that when she's feeling ok she will do some gardening, go garage saling and take small walks. Her depression is usally at it's worst when she has been up all night. I too have felt like I need to be on an antidepressant, but so far I have been dealing with this with family/friends support and this wonderful board. I have heard Brian say that it takes about one month per week of radiation before you start to feel better & more like your old self. That seems like such a long way off for us.....Xmas to be exact. I am hoping that she will gradually be doing better along the way. We just take it "one day at a time" at this point.

Thanks again for your kind words of encouragment. They help SO much

Susan, Any time you feel down, just do a post and we will all be here for you. This can be a long hard journey, but we are here for you. If you would like to write me directly, please feel free.

Take care. Annie.

My mother told us after she was all through with radiation that during the 8 weeks she was going there were many days where she just wanted to lay down and die, but she got through it and eventually felt better. You are helping her just by being with her and gently nudging her to do things so she at least spends some time thinking of other things besides how rotten she feels. It will keep getting better and eventually she will feel stronger.

I was so sick for so long after my radiation that I didn't want to admit that there were emotional as well as physical side effects. I did not take antidepressents but probably should have. The lack of energy and the radiation side effects take so much out of you physically that I could not do very much. My husband insisted that I walk everyday even if it was a tiny amount (I knew every inch of the hospital corridors). He would also rent videos and if I fell asleep we could stop it and watch the rest later. For me the computer was very important. I sent and received lots of emails. I love to read but was too exhausted for weeks to read more than a page or two at a time. My husband was incredible and his determination got me through those darkest times as well as the support of many friends. Although your mother's good days are few right now they will increase. Its hard to notice the day to day changes but suddenly you look back on a month or two or three and really that there has been improvement. For me the hardest adjustment still is that I'll never have my old life back. I'm grateful to have a life and a pretty good one at that but it is very different from the one I had before. I'm still adjusting to that.
ilene

Ilene,

You bring up a really good point. The hardest thing is to finally get it through your head is that things will never be the same. It took me a year, I was even scheduled for plastic surgery so I could look the same on the outside again. Just before the scheduled day, I decided that I didn't want to be under the knife again, and that no matter what I did, life would never be the way it used to be. Almost two years later, I still get depressed over this fact once and awhile.

But you know what, we have all been through a lot, either as the patient or the caregiver and we deserve to give ourselves a big pat on the back. We also have to remember that we get curve balls in our lives that cause us to change. Each time we get a ball, we learn to catch it, deal with it and move on. We are a bunch of tough cookies.

To all, take care.

Anne.

Anne,,
What a great of putting it!!!! And, absolutely, everyone deserves a BIG pat on the back! I like the way you think!