I hear you Lisa.
You are not alone.

You have to go through this very difficult period. You're re-priortizing your entire life and trying to put all the pieces together to do the most good.
You know what's good for you, you know you will be there for Bill, you have to go to work..... How the hell are these pieces going to fall together in this new puzzle?

You will begin to recognize you need to grieve for your old life, and allow that process to run it's course. Then slowly, you will see new and somewhat modified pieces of the puzzle start to fall in place. Some of it may still be too difficult. This is where a counselor will help.

You will continue to exercise, your body demands that outlet. It won't let you sleep until you do.

In a few months you'll look back at this and appreciate how it was just a flash in time and see how far you've come.

Keep talking to us.

Ginny

Lisa and David,
By the way,
I loved my step aerobics classes and my intructors (subs and all) so much at our local YMCA. I attended class 4x a week for years. Suddenly Febuary of 2006 they Y shut down without notice.
I am still grieving over this, and struggling over what to do about it to this day.
You have no idea how important you are to your students.
Ginny

Ginny,

You can buy a step or two at most athletic stores. Put it in front of a tall mirror; put in a favorite high energy non stop music source; turn up the volume for increased intensity and have fun. You don't need a routine, just make one up as you progress. Keep looking into the mirror for form and keep your arms moving for a higher aerobic level. I know that group exercising is more fun for most people but this is a lot more convenient and certainly better than nothing.

Ginny, Is there a "Curves" program in your area? They have a really good exercise program tailored for women only. 30 minute, low impact, high energy workout. Amy in the Oz

Discouraged and upset- that is what I am now. Met with the chaplain today before Bill's radiation treatment and guess what he asked? Why did I think it was important to get married.... Made me feel that I was in the wrong wanting to marry a man that "may have a short time" and should be happy with the situation as it is. Bill told me to just ignore it and that if I did not want to go back, I did not have to... but it upset me. This man actually made me feel like I am wrong to want to marry the man of my dreams- the only person I have ever truly loved... and why? Because of the cancer! I am sorry I am venting but I am just so angry and upset- he actually told me "what do you expect when you bought your wedding dress?" like I was just trying to marry Bill because of his money or something-

I have told Bill that I would like nothing but his love from this marriage- I am not after his money (he has some in savings and elsewhere) and that we would take care of each other in this relationship- because I did not want to stop working the jobs that I love. Yes, I have cut back on my gym job some- but I have not quit it and even when I move, I did not want to stop teaching aerobics of some sort. I just could not believe it.

Tell you how wonderful Bill is even when sick? After his radiation treatment, because I was so depressed, he carried me to Applebees (because he knows I love the tomato basil soup there) to cheer me up. We talked and that helped a lot.

I am supposed to meet this chaplain again on friday- on my own since Bill does not want to meet with him. Dont know what to do....

Hi Lisa,

That certainly wasn't what you needed. It seems like this chaplain is one of those people that is in the wrong job. We sometimes forget that everyone is human, even the clergy, but there is no excuse for being mean.

I think you might be better off finding someone new to meet with. Someone that is understanding of the situation that you and Bill are in. Why subject yourself to his poor counseling? I would cancel that appointmant.

Good luck to both you and Bill.

Jerry

Lisa,

I think some good has come from that meeting. You have focused some pent up anger towards his remarks.

Lisa,

I agree with Jerry -- sounds like the chaplain could use some career retooling (maybe into another line of work). As Amy mentioned early on in this thread, it's important for you and Bill to be comfortable with your counselor, and that certainly seems not to be the case right now with the chaplain. From one of your earlier posts, it looks as though you were referred to this person by your social worker. You may want to let her know that this doesn't seem like the right fit.

Cathy

Just speaking up here to say that I went to both an individual counselor during my treatment and my husband and I ended up going to couples counseling together after treatment. In both cases it did me/us a world of good. The individual counselor is someone who had experience counsleing people who are dealing with serious illnesses. I think it is best if you can find someone with that experience. My entire work with her was very focused on helping me find the strength to make it through the treatments for two kinds of cancer at basically the same time and she has also helped me with the recovery since. Because I had her, I really didn't do a lot fo emotional leaning on my husband in terms of mood swings, etc. compared to what I read about in here.

That was probably fortunate because it turns out my husband has his own issues in terms of dealing with sick people and that is what lead us into couples counseling. That counseling has helped us enormously, in fact I don't know if our marriage would have survived my big health crisis without it. But then, I think our couples counselor is also quite a find--I have been to bad couples counseling before (in a previous marriage) and it was worse than not going to counseling at all.

You absolutely have the right to reject a counselor when you don't think they are being helpful or giving you what you need. With your husband going through so much else, it may be up to you to make the waves it takes to change things in this department.

Nelie

Lisa, if you have the energy, go see this chaplain on Friday and tell him what your reaction was to the initial meeting and his questions to you. It could be that he was asking you to test your resolve to fight this battle, [or he could be a louse]. I will share with you that the best therapist I ever had [in my experience of 2] was the guy who asked me very uncomfortable questions and expected honest answers and challanged my BS. I didn't like him for months, but I stuck with him because I could recognize a ring of truth seeking in his questions. I ended up a much stronger and more confident person and he and I remained friends long after the therapy sessions ended. It is very important that you trust your counselor. But if you are just looking for a "pat on the head", you probably need to go to friends and family. Please don't take my remarks as being harsh- you and Bill have alot to deal with, each and together. Do what is best for you. Amy in the Oz.