#51337 12-11-2005 12:16 PM | Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 22 Member |  Member
Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 22 | Tonya,
You have been so helpful to me-I wish I could help you now. I too think you must be patient and let yourself heal as you will. I lost my mom almost 4 yrs. ago from lung cancer and it really took me a good three years to not feel so lost. It's not as if you are not functioning, that's a diffferent story. Your life will not be the same as you knew it and that takes time to deal with. I think you can't help but to resent your sister-in-law's comments-it is only natural-don't feel guilty about that. Having lost both my parents and a sister, I always felt one of the hardest things was to watch the world go on without my loved one-didn't they know I felt my life was over??? But go on it does, and you will too, in your own time. Be patient and kind to yourself and keep sharing your feelings-whatever they may be. May God Bless You and keep you close.
Doreen
Stage IV scc base of tongue/larynx
Total glossectomy/partial laryngectomy/radical neck dissection 4/05 followed by chemo and rad. Tonsillar Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma 1996(cured and not related)
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#51338 12-11-2005 03:50 PM | Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 2,676 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 2,676 | Lots of very wise words above.
The key I think, is Love. Love for the past and future generations of those we are connected to. Amy
CGtoJohn:SCC Flr of Mouth.Dx 3\05. Surg.4\05.T3NOMO.IMRTx30. Recur Dx 1\06.Surg 2\06. Chemo: 4 Cycles of Carbo\Taxol:on Erbitux for 7 mo. Lost our battle 2-23-07- But not the will to fight this disease
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#51339 12-11-2005 07:29 PM | Joined: Feb 2005 Posts: 663 "Above & Beyond" Member (300+ posts) | | "Above & Beyond" Member (300+ posts)
Joined: Feb 2005 Posts: 663 | I look at it like this....
While this year has presented many challenges and the story is still being written daily.... this year has added the greatest of all things to my life...
My New FRIENDS!
I share you all wherever I go. When I talk to my "offline" friends you are always right there. When I am trying to help someone I know who is going through a rough time, I give them your advice!
When things are bad I just close my eyes and I imagine all of you and it makes things better.
I am on a mission this year to make this the "Best Christmas Ever" and I have stumbled over many hazards in the road and it is still 2 weeks away.
Yet I come here and I talk to you all and I know I am never alone and there are hearts like mine that feel the same.
We are with each other through this holiday and the next, and the next, and so on....
And Amy says it right.. the one word that captures it all!
LOVE!
With Love Always,
Cindy
Caregiver to ex-husband Harry. Dx 12/10/04 SCC stg 3, BOT with 2 nodes left side. No surg/chemo x4 /rad.x37(rad comp. 03/29/05)Cisplatin/5FU(comp. 05/07/05)-T1N2M0-(cancer free 06/14/05)-(12/10/06) 2 yr. Survivor!!!
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#51340 12-12-2005 10:38 AM | Joined: Sep 2004 Posts: 153 Gold Member (100+ posts) | | OP Gold Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Sep 2004 Posts: 153 | You are all so right. Thank you for your kindness and suggestions. The past few days have been a little better. I think it was so bad last week because we had our first real cold spell - 5 degrees, I think. Anyway, I kept worrying David was cold - so stupid, I know. I am aware his soul is not in the ground, but I worried just the same. I finally felt brave enough to share that with my sister and we both cried because she had been thinking about the same thing. That made me feel a little more "normal", if there is such. You're so right about his wife, too. I can't imagine what she goes through or how she gets from one day to the next. We all have our own ways of coping. At least she's looking to the future, not lost in the past like I have been. I do love her, I just hurt for David.
Karen, thank you for sharing your daughter's words. Children always have such gems of wisdom.
Candace, I think the memorial garden is a great idea. I haven't been able to visit his grave this past week - the pain has been too great (and people keep stealing the little mementos I leave him - which makes me angry on top of everything else). But a memorial garden in my back yard would be nice and I could put the keepsakes there - one is a stone I ordered. I haven't taken it to his grave because I didn't want it stolen, but it reads, "If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever." If there was one thing I could say to my brother it would be that, but I think he already knows.
Lee, I am so sorry you have lost so many close to you. I can't even imagine the strength it takes to get through that.
Thank you all and I promise to be more positive in the future. Please know your hugs and words have reached across the distance and I am feeling better.
Sister of 32 year-old oral cancer victim. Our battle is over but the war rages on. My brother passed July 26, 2005. He was a smokeless tobacco user.
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#51341 12-12-2005 05:47 PM | Joined: Mar 2003 Posts: 1,384 Likes: 1 Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Mar 2003 Posts: 1,384 Likes: 1 | Hi Tonya, Yesterday our local newspaper had this article on grief and coping. I hope it helps. http://www.duluthsuperior.com/mld/duluthtribune/2005/12/11/living/13342602.htm Take care
Mark, 21 Year survivor, SCC right tonsil, 3 nodes positive, one with extra-capsular spread. I never asked what stage (would have scared me anyway) Right side tonsillectomy, radical neck dissection right side, maximum radiation to both sides, no chemo, no PEG, age 40 when diagnosed.
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#51342 12-13-2005 07:32 AM | Joined: Sep 2004 Posts: 153 Gold Member (100+ posts) | | OP Gold Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Sep 2004 Posts: 153 | Thank you so much Mark. I can't read it right now, I am at work and would surely be a basketcase, but am printing it out to read tonight.
Tonya
Sister of 32 year-old oral cancer victim. Our battle is over but the war rages on. My brother passed July 26, 2005. He was a smokeless tobacco user.
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