I understand your worries and daily thoughts of loosing your loved one. My Mom has rt tonsil & tongue cancer and she has completed radiation and 30 TX of chemo just to have it come back. She than had her right tonsil removed about 1 month ago and now they want to scrap that area or do a flap type surger of the jaw and tongue area. She is in so much pain every morning that she just cries and her attitude is far from positive. She is already planning not being her much past Christmas. This is so difficult to hear your own Mom say. She just doesn't want any other surgies! She has refused to do the flap surgery because she feels she can't make it threw it. She has had a peg tube for about 5-6 months now and doesn't eat or drink anything by mouth. Even though, the doctors tell her it would be beneficial to her healing process she says she can't do it. It is so hard because I want to support her but I also want her to fight harder! Than I feel so selfish for thinking and feeling that way. I work full-time and have two kids that are 5 & 2 and I can't spend enough time in one place. I came to this website to educate myself on the treatments available and hope that I can talk her into not giving up. I would appreciate any advice to help with this struggle. I should also mention that I lost a close friend who was 35 years old two months ago to stomach and liver cancer and he had two children 2& 4. He fought this cancer with everything he had and he was told in the beginning that it was NOT curable! On some days he would lay in the chair next to my Mom getting his chemo and between watching him fighting with everything he had and my Mom's negative attitude and than loosing him, I can't sort all these feelings out! Thanks for listening!!!!

Wow....so sorry about your Mom having to be affected by this nasty disease! It is so hard to see a parent (especially a Mom) suffer like this. My Mom has BOT SCC. She has had a terrible battle with the treatment. It is a barbaric cure and so difficult to see what she has endured.

Is your Mom being seen for depression? From what I understand clinical depression is common for hnc patients. Possibly her unwillingness to fight is related to depression. Perhpas if she has not already seen one, she can be examined by a psychologist.

You must be under an extreme amount of stress especially after the loss of your friend. I also have 2 young kids but my Mom lives out of state so I can not help out as much as I would like. The one thing you need to do is take care of yourself so that you can be strong and healthy for your family (especially the kids!!) Sometimes I have to actually schedule a mental break from stressing about my Mom. I find that I spend most of my waking hours thinking, stressing, researching about this nasty disease that has put a black cloud over our lives. I become short fused and snappy with the kids. Then when I feel like I am losing my mind I will allocate a 2 hour cancer break. During this time I will not allow myself to think about "the cancer". I won't go on the computer, or talk about it. Just to give my mind a break and think about positive things. This always seems to help me regroup.

I hope that your Mom finds the strength & will to fight. Just keep loving her!
Best wishes!
Tami

Tami,

Thank you so much for your kinds words! Its so nice to hear from someone that truely understands what I am going threw.

My kids are my only outlet right now. It's so nice when I can sit down and play with them and it seems like nothing else matters! Your right, I need to do it more often...

Thanks again!