Many of you may remember several of my previous posts about my sister, Kim. Things have gone from bad to worse for her. I'm really at a loss here. This past week, she was rushed to the hospital because she stopped breathing and started bleeding from her neck. The cancer, which started in her tongue, has spread to her neck and has literally eaten holes through her neck. She has wide, gaping holes that seep - you can see straight inside her.

Well, if that wasn't enough, we found out yesterday that her cancer has spread from her tongue, neck, and throat to her jaw. She is on the lowest dosage of chemo because she has a serious infection - which means that the chemo is doing nothing to help her and the cancer is justing eating away at her.

Monday she will see her ent and we're expecting to receive a prognosis. I don't think that I can deal with this. I look at her everyday and feel so scared and angry for her. She is in intense pain all the time and everything just seems to be getting worse. When she was first diagnosed, I never thought that it would come to this. I remember her doctors saying that this is curable. Two different times we were told that she was cancer free, but each time, the cancer came back in full force and spread even faster and worse.

I'm still hoping and praying for a miracle, but it doesn't look like my prayers will be answered. I'm really not even sure what to do or think.

Sorry to vent to you, but I am in disbelief at this time. I know that this disease sucks and is horrible to everyone in it's path, but I never expected it to be this bad for Kim. She is young and strong - we all thought that would work in her favor, but we are learning first hand that cancer doesn't care about how strong or young you are.

Please keep Kim in your prayers - she needs all that she can get. I will update more after her appointments next week. I'm hoping for good news, but I have a feeling that there won't be any.

God Bless

Angie,

I'm so sorry to hear of Kim's deteriorating condition. We were also told that because Heather was young, strong and otherwise healthy, she had a good chance of beating her cancer. But you're right. It just doesn't seem to matter.

The one thing that really jumped out at me from your post was that Kim is in intense pain. She shouldn't be! Her doctors need to be managing her pain better. Please insist that they get the pain under control. She is suffering enough and should not have to deal with constant pain.

I wish I had some words of wisdom or comfort for you. I know you must be in agony watching Kim endure this. I know I wanted so much to be able to help Heather, but there was so little I could do. Just be there for Kim in any way you can, even if only to sit beside her and hold her hand for awhile. She will feel your love and it may bring her some comfort.

Rosie

Angie, I am so so sorry to read this about Kim. I was praying that no news was good news aince it has been a while since I haa heard from you. Why is this happening like this? I hve never heard of this before. I remember you saying that surgery was not a option way back when she was first diagnosed that has always bothered me as to why? She is being tortured it seems. There is no need for all the "PAIN" she is going thru. There are way too many med's out there to stop that. My GOD I am just in tears here. What she must be going thru 24/7 I cannot even imagine. MY LORD WHO COULD! And then for you and your family as well. You are on prayer lists around the world and on mine. GOD please please help this young family with all this pain and fears. Please lend your hand for them to hold for some peace and comfort through this tyring time for them all. Kim is a baby a meer child please help her with her suffering. THis is no way my LORD JESUS this is no way. Make this your will and help this family thru these times I only ask of you my Jesus Christ. Amen. Miss Vicki

Angie, I am so sad about Kim. I am praying that God performs a miracle in her life. I am praying for you too, this has to be devastating, she is so young to be going thru all of this. I wish I could help. Love, Carol

Angie,
I have a daughter Kims age, her name is Amy and she is a college student. I have been sitting here thinking how I would ever handle her going through what Kim is going through right now. It makes me feel blessed that I am the oral cancer victim and not my child.
You have my admiration and I wish there were some way to help you with this.
I agree with Rosie, there is NO WAY she should have to deal with constant pain right now. Someone needs to holler loudly and steadily until the pain issue is addressed.
Minnie

Angie,

I am deeply saddened to hear about Kim. I know there is nothing that can be said that can end the pain you and your family is going through. Keep praying for a miracle but be aware the miracle may come in different ways than what you are asking.

I pray that God will find a way to ease the pain and suffering for Kim and He will comfort you and your entire family and give you peace.

Ed

Angie,

I am so sorry Kim and your family have to go through this. Cancer has no favorites, It takes the young, the old and everyone in between.

Call her Doctor and INSIST that she be given be given proper pain meds. What doctor is in control of the pain? Scream and hollar but get her the proper pain meds for her leval of pain!!

I hoping there's a miricle out there for Kim.

Danny Boy

Angie,

You and Kim and the rest of your family are still in my prayers. I can't imagine what this is like for you -- I also have to agree with what the others have said about pushing Kim's doctors to deal properly with her pain.

I hope she gets some relief soon and that her doctors will be able to find something to overcome the infection problems, as well as the spread of the cancer.

Cathy

Dear Angie
Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
it is a nightmare ...Kim should not be suffering like this.
Bless You
Marica

Angie, my prayers are for Kim, you and your family. That the Lord will ease all of your pain and bring comfort through the holy spirit to you all.

Thank you all for your comforting words and prayers. Kim is in pain, but it is not entirely her pain doctor's fault. We have been working with her to keep Kim's pain under control. However whenever Kim is rushed to the hospital for breathing problems or for increased calcium levels, the doctors (not her regular doctors) take her off the pain meds or lower them so that Kim responds better. It really sucks and we are so angry. You can't believe how many times we have argued witht he doctors about Kim's pain. It seems like just when her pain is controlled, something happens, and these assasine doctors take her off them, and then she suffers again. I am praying so hard for a mircale. Thank you again and I will keep you all posted on her condition.

God Bless you all.

Angie
The only thing I can think to say to you is that you say she has given you permission to act for her in this, and to tell them what ever they intend to do, THEY DO NOT REDUCE THE PAIN MEDICATION EVER.. My family stood guard over my Aunt when she was in hospital, never while she was unable to speak was she left without a family member, it should not need to be so, but it worked, we kept a clipboard at the end of the bed for the family to update daily so we all knew what was happening.. I'm so sorry that you are going to have to be strong and get through this, but you will..
Remember walking in the sunshine... it will shine again for you..
love and hugs
Helen

Helen,

We are Kim's voice,and she does communicate through writing everytime she is in the hospital, but despite our efforts to keep her meds controlled, they still decrease the meds. A few times they were worried that she had overdosed, os they took off her fentynol patches and decreased her dilaudid from 24mg to 12mg. We argued and demanded that she be kept on her normal dosage so that she is not in a huge amount of pain, but the they didn't listen at all. So along with her pain, she also went through withdrawl. It's been nothing but bad. We are at the point where we don't even want to take her to the hospital again. They don't listen - ever (the nurses do, but the doctors (not her reg docs) are horrible!). I'm not sure what her options are at this point since the cancer is just eating away at her and spreading. I keep praying that something will happen to kill this cancer.

Angie,

Be sure and contact the patient advocate at the hospital. Tell them what has been going on and how you feel about avoiding the hospital now at all costs because of the suffering they are needlessly putting your sister through. Even if they have a hunch she is overdosing from the heavy pain meds, they should not be allowed to make her suffer more. Does Kim have a DNR order and power of attorney for the you or a family member? This could help with what you are going through.

Sorry to see such a tough ordeal stacked on top of a pretty tough ordeal to begin with. My thoughts and prayers to you and your family through such a difficult time.

Ed

Angie,
My heart feels your pain. My sister Marcy went through the same thing your sister is. He cancer came fast, three reocurrences in one year. It also ate away her neck and the side of her face. It was truly unbearable, but I stayed as strong as possible for Marcy, she needed us so much. The pain of watching someone you love so much suffer is heart wrenching to say the least. I send you my prayers from the bottom of my heart.

God Bless you all,
Michelle

Angie,

I am so sorry your family has to go through this. Ed is right. You definitely should contact the Patient Advocate at the hospital.

I know this isn't going to be what you want to hear and I imagine I will get some flak from posting it, but here goes anyway. I think it is time you consider contacting hospice. One of their biggest goals is to keep the patient as pain-free and comfortable as possible. Most of them are experts at pain control.

I know this will be one of the hardest decisions any of you ever have to make, but it may mean the difference between Kim spending her last days in pain or spending them in some semblance of comfort. And the good thing about hospice is that you can leave it and go back to treatment anytime you want. I assume she kept the appointment with the ENT on Monday. Perhaps the prognosis he gave will help you to decide if hospice is the right choice.

I am still hoping for a miracle for Kim, along with everyone else. I am just sorry to say that the chance of it happening is pretty slim and the main thing now is keeping Kim as comfortable and pain-free as possible. My heart goes out to you all.

Rosie

Angie,

I, too, am sorry to have to agree with Rosie. Keep in mind, with hospice care you will receive a highly qualified medical care team that deals with the more intense physical and emotional issues your family is experiencing right now. Treatment can continue provided the doctor states it is palliative care to help in pain management, although I am not sure if Kim is continuing with the treatment right now. The bottom line is that the hospice folks would not have tolerated the hospital adjusting pain meds under any circumstances without approval from the hospice pain management doctor(s).

With all Kim is enduring right now, don't allow them to force her to endure more pain. It just isn't right.

Ed