How do you guys battle the depression episodes. Usually I am fine, but once in a while - like today, when something wasn't going right - I get so depressed and just lose it - and cry for hours. It didn't help today that I had had no sleep for 24 hours though as I work 3rd shift and was trying to get things done instead of sleeping on my day off.

I don't want to go on depression medication or anything like that- just want to know if there are any tricks, or activities you do to take your mind off it. I live by myself & I've lost interest in most things I used to like. I have even lost interest in just keeping the place organized (although I'll admit I was never good at that) and keeping up on the cleaning and laundry etc...

I feel all I do is sit on the internet researching and researching and that certainly does nothing for my mood.

Sometimes I just feel so helpless and like my life is out of my control. Is this normal? Will this pass? I am less than 2 months out from my diagnosis - so it is still relatively new to me. How do you all make it through the first year without going crazy?

Amy, Do you have anyone, a friend or relative, who can do some of the research for you when it starts to feel too overwhelming? It would need to be someone you could trust to get good information, of course. I ask this although the only person I would have trusted to do this, my husband, was less than helpful in this regard. But in retrospect it would have eased my mind.

You are in an especially tiring and overwhelming period right now, being unsure whether your tratment is done or whether you need radiation and all the worries that go along with that. I think people on this board who were just sent to radiation as a matter of course, distressing though that is too, may not appreciate how huge this can be when you feel like the choice is at least partly in your hands (whether it should be or not is not the issue--depending on what you do, it is).

When I was at that point, like you, I could think of little else. I felt very helpless and very out of control (it also didn't help that right after my glossectomy I was told I had stage I breast cancer, something I knew was a possibility but had been hoping the biopsy would come back negative--as they often do in breast cancer biopsies. So I had almost immediate surgery for that followed by and almost immediate post-surgical infection that shouldn't have happened but somehow did).

Anyway, if you don't have friends you trust to research for you, I bet you have friends who would be willing to come over and help you do laundry and clean. This can be hard for women especially, I think, to do. We feel like we should be able to take care of everything ourselves. When I was diagnosed, I had three women friends who are some kind of cancer survivor. ALL of them said to me, in one way or another, you need to realize that even if you aren't comfortable making it all about you, this is a time when it IS all about you. So take care of yourself. Ask for help.

You live in or near a large enough city that I'm sure there are cancer support groups, even if there isn't one for oral cancer specifically. Call the American Cancer Society and see what's available. In my city, there is a local nonprofit dedicated to helping women with breast cancer. They had a grant for 10 free therapy sessions for women facing difficult breast cancer. Actually if I had just had the breast cancer alone it wouldn't have been so difficult but anyway, they said I qualified and they referred me to a fantastic therapist who has had experience counseling people going through cancer (if you go to a therapist, be sure you find one with this experience).

Are you a member of a church or synogogue or any other group that might offer support informally? If so, see what they can offer in terms of help. Also don't forget your workplace. My union kicked in with all sorts of help--including tkaing a collection for some money that I used to hire a cleaning person when I couldn't handle the clenaing myself-- and my workplace also has an EOP plan that would have covered me for some therapy (except I would have had to switch therapists to use it and I didn't want to do that).

Once you decide on a plan of action from here--further treatment or not--I think you'll start feeling better. Nothing is worse than not knowing. But meanwhile, recognize that this is a HUGE life-flipping big deal and you don't have to do everyhting yourself but you may have to make some noise to get some help--keep making noise until you get yourself whatever help you need .

Nelie

I was more thinking of looking for specific activities to keep your mind away from the cancer. I wouldn't have someone else do the research b/c I'd always think they weren't telling me everything and I would continue anyway. Stuff that doesn't require a lot of thinking or another person to do.

Just a simple suggestion - I play solitaire - doesn't require a great amount of concentration, (which I don't have right now) but enough so that I don't have to think about anything else. I tried those Sodaku (Sudoka? - I don't know how to spell it), but those number puzzles that are popular right now, but they do require a lot of concentration (and a good eraser).
Other than that, I have 4 prayers that I say over and over (I guess a form of meditation) so if you have a favorite prayer or poem or something, repeating it kind of soothes your mind. I do this while I take a walk, or just when I'm sitting waiting on my husband to be treated. It helps. Maybe these suggestions will help you.
Michele

AmyM. Get outdoors-go to the zoo or a museum or an Art Festival- get on a bike and ride in a quiet park. JUst get out of the house and away from the internet. Amy

I finally gave into my need to research and find out everything (no matter how scary) about my cancer. We had a hurricane in my area during the time I was at your stage of this journey, we lost power for 7 days. My husband bought a generator so my laptop could stay operating, he knew how important it was to me to keep reading. Give yourself permission to research it, it helps.
Also, Amy makes a great suggestion..........go outside. That alone helped me SO much.

Minnie, I did the same in terms of giving in to my need to research. Doing that sort of thing, collecting information, sorting through it, drawing my own conclusions, is a strength of mine anyway so of *course* I'm going to want to use that strength to help myself when I have cancer. Or at least that's the way I came to see it.

Getting outside (I have a dog who needs a walk twice a day) was also important for my peace of mind. I also went to the movies a litle more often than usual--though I stayed away from the ones where someone dies young--as a distraction.

But Amy, I think it bears repeating that feeling the things you are feeling--including crying for a while-- is normal at this point. You're grieving over the loss of a life of health where you didn't have to think about the possibility of your own death very much. There is nothing like cancer to remind us how much we really don't have control over. That's not to say that you shouldn't fight off depression if you feel just immobilized by it--but the grief over loss of your former healthy-person life is something I think everyone goes through in some form or other.

Nelie

Hi Amy,
Depression can get worse gradually without being noticed if not treated properly. My depression episode was diagnosed as the most severe one by the psychiatrist within 2 months' time and had to be treated with anti-depressants and daily psychological counselling in the hospital. Activities suggested by my friends didn't work at all because I was simply too reluctant to move around and lost interest in everything, both indoor and outdoor activities. What made my case worse was that I didn't have any support group (although I had very supportive family and friends)and even though the computer was easily accessible, I simply didn't have the mood to look at it.
Don't misinterpret me thinking that all the suggestions above are not helpful. On the contrary, they are all worth trying but if you feel that your depression still persists, I will suggest medical consultation asap.

Karen

Amy,

I'm sure that once you make that final decision about radiation or not, your will feel that you have your life back in control. It's such a shame that your HMO has screwed things up and you had to change yesterday's appointment.

After my surgery I had trouble sleeping and although I had never taken a sleeping pill in my life, I agreed to try some Ambien. It worked great and helped get me through the rough times. It did not affect me during the day and I experienced no drowsiness.

As far as the depression itself is concerned, you may have to give in and ask your physician for something to take.

Hang in there...things WILL get better. I hope it is real soon.

Jerry

what helps me the most when I'm feeling overwhelmed or down is to rember that I am not just a walking mass of cancer cells...I am a person who happned to have some cells in my body mutate for whatever reason and I'm doing what I can and have to to stop that. But beyond that issue I am still who I was before it happened, I still have a whole life outside of this issue, and the world is still an amazing a beautiful place. Then I focus my thoughts on something that is particularly amazing and beautiful...like my girlfriend and how much she loves me, or the puppies playing outside...or some music that I like that moves me, whatever it atkes or is available at the time. Doing this helps me lift the depression when it gets to me.

...its Ok to feel down and bummed sometimes, but when it gets to the point where you can't snap out of it and you are not functioning and not enjoying life then you realy need to talk to a professional. its a normal and expected part of any large life issue such as your are experiencing...

all my best
david