Yep its me and I am in one lousy mood. I need to vent so here is my vent.
I HATE cancer!
I am SICK of liquid food!
I am TIRED of hearing everywhere I go "Where there is breath there is hope."
The skin is coming off my neck or the fat. Whatever those stringy gobs of white stuff are.They come off on the cloth I try and dab my neck off with after it gets some water on it in the shower.

I haven't had a really good nights sleep in a month even with medication. I was ready to move out of this THING they call an apartment complex in April but no I had to get sick as a dog and all my saved money went for doctors apts. and medication. My sugar goes up and down from 135 to 210. There is nothing I can do about it either. I feel like I have a gnat flying around in my throat and it makes me want to scream!

Its been so hot I am sure my electric bill will be half my check next month. My throat hurts and if I still had my house I would go out there and bust every dish in the house upside the shed and then lay down in the grass and cry myself to sleep.

There! I have said it!

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. I truly can say I have been there. I pray that you will find comfort in God's word. Mary

Oh Barbara! Did that bring me back. How I hated liquid food! I couldn't stand Boost or Ensure. I prefered Carnation Instant Breakfast, Espresso flavor - but you can only get it in the multiple flavor packs )I threw out all of the strawberry). I also ate a lot of milkshakes. It was a LONG time until I enjoyed a milkshake again. The good news is the the skin on the neck is the fastest to heal. Hang in there - you'll have a new appreciation for patience when you are done (just like Job).

I was pretty pissed off too after it was over - it's healthy to vent your anger.

I dread getting that mask on. It hurts my neck now so bad I can't stand it! Yesterday they had me dab some 5% cortisone cream on it and I slid down the wall silently screaming. I swear it hurt so bad I couldn't scream out loud. Well I am never using that lousy stuff again!

I am glad my neck will be the first to heal. They say it may ulcerate by next week. You all better pray if it does I make it the last week. I have a high pain tolerance but this is a whole new ball game. I thought it was bad when I tore the cartlidge off my knee but at least after surgery it was better in a week. This seems to go on and on and on.

Okay. I am counting to 5 or maybe 10. I can do this I can. TG for this jelly thing I have on my neck. It keeps falling off though. It is hard to sleep with a scarf tied around your neck to keep it on. I want to wear it forever.

I love you guys.

What kind of pain meds r u taking? If u r still in pain ask if the dose can be increased. I know towards the end of treatment my mom was put on pain patches and then a liquid oxydose for breakthrough pain. I remember being told by several docs and nurses that there was no reason to be in pain when it can be controlled. How many more treatments do u have left?

I wish we lived a little closer then maybe i could help u out some. At least this hot humid weather we had broke. It was actually kinda chilly this morning. Hope today u r feeling a little better.

Gary,

I have the same "liquid food" memories as you -- I couldn't deal with Ensure, but lived on Carnation Instant Breakfast (other than strawberry)!

Barb,

The "silent screaming" thing also took me back years. There were times toward the end of radiation when I wanted to do a blood-curdling scream at the radiation center, but since I wasn't hearing them from anyone else there, I held it in. I also held it in at work, for obvious reasons. But when I got home, I had to let it out - it was part pain, part frustration. Every time I told my RO I couldn't take any more, he told me I could and I needed to.

I pray that you'll have the strength it takes to get through this last part of your treatment -- I know it's tough, but we're here for you.

Cathy

I am back once again. As soon as I removed the jelly wrap my neck dried up and got stiff. One laid me on the table while the other one held my head straight. Infortunately the ulcer has begun to develop. Its about the size of a half dollar now. I hope it does not get to big. What I hate is the mask goes right on top of it. Ugh.

I only have the pain when the gel thing is off. They gave me 8 more packs today. I cut them in half and each piece lasts 2 days so that means I have 32 days worth TG. If not for those things I would be in a drugged state 24/7 I can assure you of that.

I have liquid Hydrocodone right now and Ambien to sleep. Also Xanax to take if I start to get an anxiety attack and of course my Zantak 150 for my ulcer in my gut. I have muscle relaxants also for my disc disease but there is no way I am taking that with everything else right now. I just keep trying to hold off on the pain meds cause they make me sick as a cow. Today I did 2 minutes of meditation on the table before they put the mask on so it helped. I love them guys. They give me more hugs I swear.

I love you guys too and Karen I am so thankful the humidity is gone for a spell. It was terrible those two days. Whoooo.

Blessings,
Barb~

Hi Barb, unfortunately some get an ulcer and some get a mild sunburn. You must have very fair skin. If it gets itchy DO NOT scratch it. They gave me some stuff called Desonide Cream 0.05% (it is a sythetic corticosteroid).

I think Karen hit it right - you may be undermedicated for pain. Your anxiety is understandable but that can be managed as well. I took Zanax during the entire process.

I lost so much weight that the mask actually loosened quite a bit. It shouldn't be tight around your neck anyway - it is actually your nose that they use for guaranteeing accurate postitioning (along with the tatoo of course).

Hi All
My Mom is on the only ward in a big city hospital that says you cannot have a glass of warm milk, you can have cold but not warm, the microwave is for the staff not the patients, I only have one word to say how I feel and I wont post it here.
Sunshine... love and hugs
Helen

Well my marks are all on the mask and none on the skin. The point of entry must be the hollow of my neck because that is where there are globs of fat like stuff and melted skin. It looks like melted skin to me. If I dab it with a cloth it comes off in blobs and strings that are like gum. I do have dark hair but I have pale blue eyes and fair skin. If I go out in the sun I am burned in 15 minutes tops unless I start out with a really heavy sunscreen.

They gave me a script for the 5% cortisone cream and that stuff set me on fire. I put it on there and slid down the wall all the way to the floor so they said skip using it. I am still on the Biafine cream and the gel pads. When I first put that gel pad on after my skin has dried it feels like a billion mosquitoes stinging me at the same time for around 3 or 4 minutes. Its horrible and more horrible. I don't scratch it but if I started I truely believe I would dig my entire throat right off to the bone.

What I want to know is 1. How can keeping the skin moist ever result in healing and 2. Five minutes without the cream or the gel pad and my neck is dry and stiff as a board. It even feels like a board. How long will this last after treatment? It is horrible.