Dear Helen,

I am sending you a big hug, because it sounds like you need one right now! You are NOT being selfish at all to want to be on the receiving end for a change. Us caregivers have needs too. You are one amazing woman. To go through all the medical "stuff" you are going through as well as taking care of your blind husband. You are a Saint in my book! Aren't there any family or friends who can come over to give you a break once in awhile? My heart goes out to you. Hope things change for the better.

Take Care,

Shelley

Dear Helen

You are most definitely entitled to receive, in bucketloads. It must be so difficult trying to care for yourself plus your very dependent husband at any time, let alone when you are feeling so anxious about your upcoming treatment.

Here in Oz respite care is available so that caregivers can have a break and rejuvenate. Would that be possible in UK? Could your gp help with that when you get home?

I believe that for any situation to improve we have to act and make positive changes to enhance our life quality. After all, we are living OUR life, noone elses.

I will be thinking of you and hoping you are feeling stronger. Maybe you need to see a local doctor who could phone your gp, if you continue to feel very depressed.

Lots of love and light from Helen

Helen
Correct me if I am wrong but, I know he is blind and I know he has prostate cancer , is he undergoing any treatment for that? I did not think he was invalided in any way. He is a big boy and pickling himself in Brandy is not going to help him or you.
Maybe he needs a wee jerk up to remind him that you have been pretty sick yourself and its now your turn to receive some support.
I hate to hear you so unhappy ..you are usually so upbeat and supportive of all your friends here.
You need a HUGGGGG girl..and a few days without worrying about him.
Just keep on venting here..we care a lot about you and would give anything to be able to really help when you need it.
Hang in there Helen..
Marica

Dear Helen,

Sending you ONE HUGE HUG right now!!! When you get back home please go see your doctor and tell him how you feel. There are meds that can help. I can't fathom all you have taken on during the last year. You need some support from someone close to you. We can offer advice and cyber hugs but I feel you need some relief from all the stress you are under.
Please know I and many others will be thinking about you.

Love Ya, Danny Boy

Helen,

From the caregiver perspective I am very aware of what you are talking about.

I worry about being selfish and I think that I must be everything to everyone all of the time.

It is a very difficult thing to cope with knowing that someone else depends on you to such a degree that they might not be able to carry on without you. And this is under normal circumstances.

The last I checked, brandy will make a nice fire over a flaming desert.

As far as how to cope... I am still practicing. I do not take medications. There are times when I wake in the morning and I am overwhelmed with an incredible sadness. Sometimes almost impossible to see through and I go outside and get in my car and I turn the music up so that I can not hear anything else.

I close my eyes and I think about nothing. I breath deep and let the music flow through me taking the sadness with it. Over time it passes and I can continue on.

There have been a few times when it is so strong that I am afraid it won't pass. At those times, I write. Anything I want, anything I feel no matter how unfair, bizarre, or whatever it is. Then I send it to a friend who reads them and says nothing in return. It works for me. I don't know if it would work for anyone else but it works for me.

If you think that the writing might help, then try a Blog here on the board. There is something about writing and sharing without response that is very helpful. Rosie is doing a great job and I would even make the leap that it is helpful for her to do it.

Never give up trying things (except jumping off of a bridge of course :-) that are constructive not destructive because you just never know what might work.

You are doing one thing that many people find helpful and that is communicating. With us here.

Keep talking, we are all listening and your audience completely understands.

Sending you lots of hugs!!

Cindy

Four year surivor here and am just starting to go through the cancer survival depression...totally unexpected. Check out Dancing in Limbo...great book to help understand this new cancer survival confusion!