Karen,

Wow. That is intense. Dream as if youll live forever and live as though youll die tomorrow. I have tears in my eyes. PRetty powerful. My mom too had many dreams. She was only 65 when she passed and my dad just retired as well. I call him everyday and do go over and have dinner etc. But it makes me so sad to go the house. I miss her so much. Karen, I am so sad for you too. BUt glad you are doing better. Thanks for thinking of me.
GOd Bless
Stephany

Stephany,
My mother was 68 when she died suddenly of a heart attack (after surviving cervical, breast and melanoma cancers). I was angry for a long time. She died in the CCU which I had a hard time understanding for a long time, especially since they blue skied her prognosis.

What you are being afflicted with are the normal stages of grief which can last as long as a 1 1/2 years (at least for the worst part of it).
I would look into grief counseling with either a local hospital or hospice center. They may be able to help you understand these feelings a little better and to also let you know that others suffer the same and you are not alone.

Gary,

Thanks again for your encouraging words. I am so sorry about your mom. Amazing, that she passed from a heart attack after all she had been through. I would feel angry as well.

I will look into counseling. Thanks for the advice. And I am sorry that I am not alone in this suffering..as I would not want to see anyone else suffer as I have been suffering. But I do know that other people have gone through this and have been very helpful to me and others in here, such as yourself. I cant thank you enough for that. even in your pain and grief, you take the time to encourage and help others. Gary, you are truly a gem.
God Bless
Stephany

Stephany,

I agree with Gary. You are experiencing the normal stages of grief. Everyone is different, but I can tell you that it does get easier. I still miss Heather terribly and seeing her daughter is a constant reminder of all that has been lost. But I find that I don't cry as much anymore, although sometimes the tears come just out of the blue.

I, too, still have anger, but it has lessened somewhat. I can't imagine that I will ever totally lose my anger over the situation, but it doesn't confront me every day anymore.

I don't think anyone ever "gets over" the loss of a loved one. You just have to go on with your life and eventually the pain eases. Be prepared, though, for you may find that your feelings intensify around important dates, like birthdays and holidays or the anniversary of the death. At least I found that to be so.

You should consider possibly getting an antidepressant, as well as grief counseling. Take heart, it will get better.

Rosie

Steph, here are some [hopefully] "how too's" to get through the next 18 months to 2 yrs. Be prepared for any family Holidays [Thanksgiving, Christmas, your Mom's birthday, etc.] to present difficult moments and tears. For those occasions, get out your favorite pictures, cook something that she would have loved, repeat a ritual or decorating scheme as she would have, spend some time talking about wonderful memories you shared at each of these times. Your Mom is gone from this life, but she will always be part of you and your family. It took me 18 months to clear out my Mother's house and disperse the contents, and I still have lots of things I'm not ready to let go of after 6 years.[some of them really dumb] Grieving is a natural part of living. You CAN grieve and function at the same time. Remember to celebrate her life! Amy

Dear Steph,
Be comforted by the thougtht that what you are feeling is normal.
I lost my mother in 2003, while she was suffering what we thought was a simple bladder infection. Once in the hospital, tests revealed that she had advanced liver and pancreatic cancer. The doctors gave her a month to live. This was coupled with the fact that my husband was on the floor above her with complications due to his tonsillar cancer.
It was the most time stopping experience. I never thought that I might have to fight for the two most important people in my life....at the same time.
Unfortunately, Mama passed away. Dennis is still here. I get mad at them both. Mama was such a steadfast woman who looked after her health, because she had just recently been through triple by-pass. My husband, at the time, could have cared less whether he lived or died. He is still here.
I try and rationalize how people grieve. There is no such thing.
Love.....hurt.......and do what you can to make that person feel loved.
That's the greatest gift.
Mandi

Rosie,

You have been such a support to me from the moment I joined this support group. Thank you for the insight and again, I am so sorry what happened to your daughter as well. I just find myself struggling every day to get through it without crying at least three times a day. Thank you for your advice. I am dreading her birthday which is November and the holidays since my dad sister and I arent really invited anywhere for Thanksgiving. It will be hard. WE dont have a lot of family left here and the family we do have go away for the holidays to other relatives or to vacations and never invite us. So I am dreading the holidays terribly..And I am thinking of taking my moms birthday off from work because I know it will be one of the hardest days that is coming up. So thank you for the warning..God Bless you Rosie. You help so many of us in here and continue to do so.

Love
Stephany

Amy,

Thank you so much for your kind words of support. As I mentioned in my prior message to Rosie, I am dreading the holidays. I will feel so alone. My mom was really the core that kept the family together..so I am fearful it will be just my father, sister and I grieving alone at these holidays. I am so disappointed in family at how you would expect them to be there more for you in this time of loss and they are not...I am not referring to my father and sister but other family members..Instead, they all get on with their lives and seem to not care. We will be invited nowhere for Thanksgiving and Who knows about Christmas. So, I am sad. Amy, I am so sorry about your mom. My sister and I are both having a hard time cleaning out my mothers things, but we feel bad for our father that is grieving seeing her clothes etc. but we told him we need a lot more time to clean things out. Amy, just hold on to what makes you feel good. You really can keep everything if that is what you want. I try not to get carried away, otherwise I will want to keep everything also. It is so hard. Thank you for sharing that with me as I anticipate that it will take my sister and I a long time to do that as well....It is so hard. You hang in there too Amy. I am here for you also.
God Bless
Stephany

Mandi,

I am speechless! I just read your message to me and my heart is so sad for you. What an awfully sad situation for you. I can only imagine how difficult that was for you. I am so sorry for the loss of your mom also. I am happy to hear that your husband is ok. Mandi, thank you for taking the time to write to me with your kind words of support. IT is nice to know that my anger and my feelings are normal. You have no idea how much that helped me tonight. I am already getting angry at family knowing that my father sister and I wont be invited anywhere this holiday season and the fact that most of my relatives have not called or visited my mom at the graveside. I guess I cant expect too much, then I wont be hurt and angry. BUt I expect that in hard times, family should step up,...and they have not!!! Sometimes, I feel so alone. But thankful, I have a great twin sister and father and we help each other. It is so hard. I just wonder why people dont call and ask how you are. My recent friends have been so thoughtful and more caring than some of my family. That is what hurts so much. But I try and deal with the anger. SO thank you for sharing that this is normal.

Regarding your husband and mother, isnt life just amazing and strange at times. I even find myself getting angry at God for taking away my best friend, my mom. It sucks! It trult does....BUt I am hopeful that in time, I will feel better. What I find so hard is that unconditional love from a mother could never be matched by anyone else in my life, or ever in my life. I feel just awful and crying as I type this. This just is so hard.. I probably should get some therapy or grieve counseling but I am so busy with my career and everything, that I have not even had time to look into it.

Thank you again Mandi.

God Bless
Stephanh

Steph, I have started to write several times and have had to quit because like u I am having a really hard time with this. My mom would of been 65 this year too. And like you I find that everyone else just sorta goes on with there life and me and my dad are stuck in this place of grieving. What I want more than anything is some sort of sign that she is at peace, that it is ok for me to live my life and not to feel guilty. I feel i should've done more. I was her main caregiver, so that my dad could work full time so they would have insurance. She was 9 months out of chemo and radiation and i finally felt like maybe life was getting to the new normal. She was taken from me so abrubtley and i never even got to say goodbye. People tell me that god took her for a reason and she is no longer suffering, I guess I am supposed to find comfort in that, but I am not to that point yet. My little angel is starting kindergarten this week and I want my mom here for that, It just isnt fair.

As for going through my moms things I am mostly letting my dad do it at his own pace. i for one am nnot ready for that. I am sory I am not really helping much but I hope that u can find some sort of comfort in knowing u r not alone.