I have a question and I hope that no one thinks I am a jerk. I was wondering about something that is bothering me.

Last week I got sick with a terrible sinus infection. It was pretty bad and when I brought Harry home from the hospital, the doctor told me to sleep elsewhere because I could make him sick.

So I moved to my couch, which is not terribly uncomfortable, but I have been on antibiotics now for 4 days and I don't want to go sleep in our bed.

I am not entirely certain why except that I don't want to bother him. He is restless at night and I am afraid to sleep next to him because I don't want to hurt him or disturb him.

I got a baby monitor and I can hear him downstairs now so I go upstairs a lot to check on him.

Is this unusual? Should I feel bad because I don't want to sleep in our bed?

Should I feel bad? Because I do.

Thanks,
Cindy

What matters is what he thinks. Each couple has thing that what work for them. You don't need to feel guilty if your trying to help him. What matters is you supporting him and he feels that through his process.

Hi Cindy,

With all the issues we deal with having oral cancer your problem seems trival. I don't mean that in a bad way. Everybody deals with these issues in a different way. (Different strokes for different folks) After the surgery my wife and I shared a bed but she was up most of the night either waiting to help me or helping me.

After a few weeks I moved to a bed in the living room. It was decision made by me. At least i was sleeping on the same floor as my wife. it gave me comfort. I realized she had to work a full week so it was needed. She needed to be a able to help me as my primary caregiver and work full time. I was a lucky man to have her.
Do what you feel in your heart what you think is best for the both of you. Don't second guess your decisions. Most of the time your gut feeling is the right one. I hope as you travel this rocky road you continue to post questions and concerns. Seems like someone will always have an answer for you.

Believe it or not one day you will be the one offering support and experiences to new members. Who better to ask than someone who has traveled the path ahead of you?

Best Wishes, Danny Boy

Cindy
You should talk to Harry about what sleeping arrangments work best for both of you. When Bob was really sick I spent too many nights either watching him to make sure he was still breathing or waking up every time he was restless. A few times I fell asleep on the couch from exhaustion and found on those nights I got real rest. So I fell into a pattern of sleeping in our bed a few nights especially when I was worried or he was feeling insecure. I also crashed on the couch a few nights every week. You need to be well rested for your family. I'm sure you can find a balance that will work for you and will not make Harry feel rejected. Be good to yourself in any small ways you can. Denise

Cindy-
During radiation treatment the thick siliva would choke me if I slept lying down. I spent 3 months sleeping in a recliner. And we were newly weds! There is no way my husband could have gotten any sleep if we were in the same room. Talk about it and know that it won't be long before you are cuddling again! This phase too passes. - Kris