Cindy,I truly understand how you are feeling now.I have gone through similar emotional turbulence as your husband 3 years ago when I suffered from severe depression after treatment. I also felt I was useless, hopeless and a burden on my family. I thought ending my life was the best way to get myself released. I upset everybody in my family and they lived in fear that they would lose me any time. This depressing mood lasted about a month until my husband got me a clinical psychologist to see me every day. I also had relatives visiting me in turns and watching me, making sure I wouldn't do anything harmful to myself. I was never left alone because my feeling of committing suicide got stronger and stronger. When the situation did not improve, we sought help from the oncologist who then referred me to the psychiatrist in the hospital. From that point I took antidepressants but that didn't help either because the medicine took more than 3 weeks to be effective. After a short while, I was admitted to the psychiatric ward for treatment. I had daily counselling from psychiatrist and medicine for the whole month and then I was discharged when I gradually recovered. After that, I still had to take antidepressants for over a year and I still have to see my psychiatrist every 3 months.I always tell people that depression is more terrible than cancer. I hope that your husband is just emotionally unstable and not suffering from real depression. Get some medical help or support group if things do not improve.

Karen.

Karen and Cindy,

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am just so tired right now that I cant type much. Just wanted to say I am here if you need me :-)

Stephany

Hey Stephany,

Just a quick note. We went to the radiation doc on Tuesday and he told Harry he had no choice. He gets the tube and there is no argument.

I am looking for a gastro doc to set it up. Should hopefully have it by next week.

I will feel an enormous sense of relief and maybe Harry can come back from the dead. He is so lethargic and miserable and the doc says that it is because he is undernourished.

A message to all you guys out there with terrific and fabulous wives.... listen to her!!! She knows what she is talking about and will only make your life easier.

----[Jumps down from her soapbox]-------

Glad to know you are hanging on Stephany. Keep in touch.

Oh..... and I haven't been arrested yet so I am taking that as a good sign [--wink--]

Cindy

CIndy,


Still no sleep 2:30 am LOL...Just wanted to say that is great about the tube. It will make such a difference....Please let me know how that goes. So happy for you....

Stephany

No sleep here either. I am on the couch until tomorrow when my antibiotics kick in. I have been sick since Saturday and I went to sleep at almost 5am and I am up at 6:45am to get kids off to school and Harry started throwing up this morning.

Our work is never done.

Cindy

Cindy,

Hang in there. It is awful being sick and also having to deal with your husband's illness. Again, I am so sorry. But it will get better and you have to hang in there and try to think positive thoughts. I know how hard it is. I had bronchitis and walking pneumonia for 8 weeks and just stopped coughing about 5 days ago. Stress doesnt help either. Cindy, try to get some rest. It is important to take care of yourself Cindy. I am so exhausted but am recently trying to take care of myself. See you in a few :-)
Stephany

Cindy,

Be sure and stay on that soapbox all you want! There is no doubt that many of us would easily admit that our path was made smoother because of wonderful women like you! As tough as it gets, Harry is much better off because of your persistence and perserverance.

A lingering infection is a sign of your immune system asking for more rest and nourishment for you. I hope you have some friends or family nearby that can jump in and give you at least a moment of prolonged rest. Hang in there.

Ed

Stephany,

I am sorry I have been away for a bit but I want you to know that I have prayed often for you, your mother and your family. I truly feel your pain and I remember the anguish as I traveled this road with my mother. I hate to see your plate so full of so many things that would be tremendous stress if experienced one by one.

Have you asked hospice for an aide, too? They sometimes provide someone that will come and even massage your mother's feet. It may sound like a small thing but I remember vividly the smile on my mother's face and how she told me how wonderful it felt to be "pampered".

With Love,

Ed

Cindy,

I want you to be a little easier on yourself. You have not failed your son in any way. As parents, we tend to get caught up in the competitive nature and want our children to achieve a bit more just a bit sooner than others' children. There was a time when Eagle Scouts were driving their cars to Scouting events. When I was going through treatment, my youngest son moved from Maryland to Texas just in case the cancer or treatment shortened my life. He was working diligently towards his Eagle, too. I tried to participate but I just couldn't keep up and his anger issues around my illness created a "situation" on a camp out and I made the decision to take him out of scouting. I regret having to do it and I especially felt so bad (and guilty) that my life circumstances came between him and his goals. Just as your son, my son knew that my love for him was endless and unconditional. His understanding of my intentions and this ugly disease interfering was way beyond his years. He has thrived and he even thinks he will beat me again this year in our basketball pool. My only fear is that if he does, I can't blame it on radiation, chemo or drugs!!

Wake each day and start your day by thinking something wonderful about each member of your family, starting with you. It will get your thoughts flowing in the right direction. Life may never be like you once remembered, but it will be what you make it.

Ed