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#33797 02-08-2005 03:52 PM
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,163
Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
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Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)

Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,163
Hello small minnow,

You are a true friend indeed. Don't be afraid to talk about cancer to any of us. It's on our minds a good percentage of the time. Especially
if we can't work. We probably share more on this great website than we do our friends. Who better to ask than someone who has walked the path ahead of you. Let your friend dictate what he wants to share. When he feels your support and concern he will share his feeling's with you. It's a real change in our life. Things that would bother you before seem like small potato's now. Some good comes out of all life's experiences.

Best Wishes, Danny Boy


Daniel Bogan DX 7/16/03 Right tonsil,SCC T4NOMO. right side neck disection, IMRT Radiation x 33.

Recurrance in June 05 in right tonsil area. Now receiving palliative chemo (Erbitux) starting 3/9/06

Our good friend and loved member of the forum has passed away RIP Dannyboy 7-16-2006
#33798 07-14-2005 08:03 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 8
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Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 8
Small minnow,
Your friend might be feeling quite depressed. Being quite used to independence, he must be frustrated at feeling so lousy. I don't even have to undergo any post surgery treatments but I have lost my contractual job as a result of my cancer. I know it's a small thing but financial independence is a big thing here at home and sure doesn't help to have advertisements about the need to prepare for financial independence for old age with rising living costs etc. I feel really lousy and very sensitive and being jobless gives me more time to spiral in negative thoughts. After so many rejections (or rather response-less applications) leaves me dejected and I just feel like sleeping my life away. Concerns from friends are either too much or too little to me. Gradually, I shut them off but deep down, I wish they will stay with me, talk to me yet I always feel that they are bored with me and would be better off with their healthier friends. Continue to be there for your friend and when he's ready, talk about his inner fears and frustrations if you are also ready to hear.


mucoepidermoid carcinoma T1N0M0. DX 05-2005
#33799 07-20-2005 06:09 AM
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 30
National OC Advocate/Speaker
Contributing Member (25+ posts)
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National OC Advocate/Speaker
Contributing Member (25+ posts)

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 30
Sm Minnow,
Ask yes-no questions: Can I make you dinner? Can I pick up some groceries? This way you empower him. If you say: What can I do for you? You may be setting him up for rejection, and he doesn't need that.

Books on tape were my favorite gift for those long, lonely, dark nights.

When things get really rough for him, as Mark said earlier, identify what his needs are: driving cooking, cleaning, computer... Xerox the calendar month , rally up friends, neighbors to sign up for doing a job on a specific day that is convenient for them.

At first, i did not want to accept help from anyone for fear i could never repay the favor. When I realized that I was actually returning a favor: Allowing them to rise up on their ladder of righteousness, it was easier to accept.

Don't forget to send a card every once in a while. It's something he can display, reread, and if it is funny, it will bring another laugh on. The more laughing the better!

eva



#33800 07-21-2005 03:58 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 30
Contributing Member (25+ posts)
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Contributing Member (25+ posts)

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 30
I agree with the other posts. Being there for him is the most helpful thing you can do. I know when my sister was struggling and fighting this horrible disease, she said that she didn;t want to see anyone. She even made her friends promise not to visit her in the hospital. Instead they sent cards, letters, anything to let her know that they would be there for her whenever she was ready or in need.

Even though there are times when your friend may not want to talk or be around anyone, letting him know that you are there is the best gift. y sister's fight was horrible, but the abandonment that she experienced from some of our family during this time made it worse.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend.

God Bless.


Sister of Kim, a 24 year old cancer fighter diagnosed on 12/5/04, who fought strong and hard and died with dignity and honor on 1/3/05.
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