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#33642 08-25-2004 11:36 AM
Joined: Nov 2002
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Danny,
you are going through the classic stages of grief. You are grieving your old life as you knew it.

There are 5 stages in the grieving process and they don't always go in order and sometimes they occur simultaneously. They are: Denial, Bargaining, Rage & Anger, Depression and finally Acceptance.

You're already taking meds so at this point someone to talk to (like a psychologist) may help.

There's a great little book called "Death - The Final Stage of Growth" by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, explains it very well on page 10. Don't let the title mislead you - it's really a book about life.

I read it years ago when my father was dying and it really helped my outlook on life.


Gary Allsebrook
***********************************
Dx 11/22/02, SCC, 6 x 3 cm Polypoid tumor, rt tonsil, Stage III/IVA, T3N0M0 G1/2
Tx 1/28/03 - 3/19/03, Cisplatin ct x2, IMRT, bilateral, with boost, x35(69.96Gy)
________________________________________________________
"You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes" (James 4:14 NIV)
#33643 08-25-2004 01:12 PM
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 928
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"Above & Beyond" Member (500+ posts)

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Posts: 928
Dear Danny
There is nothing I can add that has not already been said by your friends here....I cannot imagine the agony and grief this is bringing to you.
Our thoughts are with you.
Marica


Caregiver to husband Pete, Dx 4/03 SCC Base of Tongue Stage IV. Chemo /Rad no surgery. Treatment finished 8/03. Doing great!
#33644 08-25-2004 04:17 PM
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Thanks for supporting me and my family. I feel much better already. My old life is gone!!! I thoughtI knew that already. This is a rollercoaster of a ride for me. Up & Down.
With the help of all my friends at the OCF I have made it this far. I wanted to let you all no that I plan on being around misspelling my posts as always. Every time I needed a pick me up I know where to go.

Thanks again,
Your Friend, Danny Boy


Daniel Bogan DX 7/16/03 Right tonsil,SCC T4NOMO. right side neck disection, IMRT Radiation x 33.

Recurrance in June 05 in right tonsil area. Now receiving palliative chemo (Erbitux) starting 3/9/06

Our good friend and loved member of the forum has passed away RIP Dannyboy 7-16-2006
#33645 08-26-2004 12:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 156
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There will still be more rollercoaster days - out of the blue, I was shaking my fist at the sky yesterday, tears in my eyes. One day I'm laughing at my body "issues", the next day I'm ticked off b/c I hear another cancer story.

We'll always be here for you - good times or hard times.

Sabrina

#33646 08-26-2004 03:20 PM
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 137
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Danny, look at what you have been thru and are still going thru. Hey just because a cat scan or whatever the test is, comes back clean or not, we are still living in this prison without walls. Who are we kidding here. We are all just trying our GOD awful best to deal, to cope, to understand all these words and procedures that are thrown at us. Hell until ORAL CANCER hit me, I never knew what a clear margin was. Or what a rad of radiation was. These are things I wish none of us ever had to know. I never knew pain like this. That never stops. Before CANCER, we had a toothache, went to the dentist, the horror of that was the deadening shot. WOW!!!!!!!! Look at what you have been thru. What your body, you mind, your soul and your heart have weathered. This is a lot. A ton. And our doctors spit these words out at us like they are telling us about a new flavor of kool-aid. We leave telling them----THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!. Danny you, the man, the person this is happening to you, then there is your wife, the kids, your entire family that you have to watch hurt, which only adds to the tons of things that you are already dealing with. You ask why???? Well my friend you shouldn't have to ask us why HEll WHY NOT? I am mad!!!! That my life was cut in half. I am only half living. I am here. THis is not living? Not to me it isn't. I am alive, but I am not living. I don't mean to sound ungratful, but damm I want some quaility of life. I want to be able to go and live. Not in this house. And people visiting me. I want to run, to kiss my husband, to play with my grandkids. I am alive and I pray that I will get better than I am, but I am still madder than HELL that anyone should have to go thru this for one day ,much less years and years. We love you Danny for all your words and your kindness, I for one feel like you do, most of the time, I am just a damm good actor, WHERE IS MY EMMY??Always, Miss Vicki

#33647 08-26-2004 04:45 PM
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Miss Vicki That was GOOD!


Mark, 21 Year survivor, SCC right tonsil, 3 nodes positive, one with extra-capsular spread. I never asked what stage (would have scared me anyway) Right side tonsillectomy, radical neck dissection right side, maximum radiation to both sides, no chemo, no PEG, age 40 when diagnosed.
#33648 08-27-2004 04:13 AM
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Thank you, Miss Vickie. You said that just right. Even though I am in apparent good health, I felt for Scott exactly what you described, and I'm sure he felt that way, too, but he was working on his own EMMY.

love,
Christine frown


Wife of Scott: SCC, Stage I retromolar 10/02--33 rad; recurrence 10/03--Docetaxol, 5FU, Cisplatin; 1/04 radical right neck, hard palate, right tonsil; recurrence 2/04--mets to skin and neck; Xeloda and palliative care 3/04-4/04; died 5/01/04.
#33649 08-27-2004 08:51 AM
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Christine, I think we should get him one then...I went to a trophy shop today looking for something like one. I did...I am going to get some if i ever find something like it....We all deserve a awatd just living with the pain day to day... Can I get a AMEN??? You bet!! Miss Vicki

#33650 08-27-2004 04:29 PM
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Thanks Miss Vickie,
you very eloquently put into words what I struggle to say. As I've heard before, I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm tired of being "that courageous cancer survivor". The new normal sucks!! I sometimes just want to out in to the backyard an scream into the dark, but I don't want to wake the neighbors.
There's nothing wrong with being pissed off about what we've been through, and what we've yet to go through

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in these feelings.
Danny Boy- have a good yell!!

Chuck


SCC Stage IV right tonsil T3N3M0. Dx 08/03. Clinical Trial:8 weeks Taxol, Carboplatin then Hydrea, 5FU, IMRT x's 48, SND, Iressa x 2yrs. Now 20 years out and thriving. Dealing with a Prostate cancer diagnosis now. Add a Bladder cancer diagnosis to all the fun.
It's always something
"Adversity doesn't build character, it reveals it."
#33651 08-30-2004 07:55 AM
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 116
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Miss Vickie.....Amen, girl!!! laugh


Wife of Scott: SCC, Stage I retromolar 10/02--33 rad; recurrence 10/03--Docetaxol, 5FU, Cisplatin; 1/04 radical right neck, hard palate, right tonsil; recurrence 2/04--mets to skin and neck; Xeloda and palliative care 3/04-4/04; died 5/01/04.
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