Hi everyone

I have not been around for a little while but I thought I would 'check in' and let you know the latest.
I had the tumor removed the other week (I cannot remember exactly when, everything is a blur). The Rt had shrunk it enough for it to be removed, they originally could not remove it because it was resting near the main artery. The site around the tumor was given the all clear but I am still doing treatment.
Problem is that I had a scan and the oncologist has told me that they have found a suspect site AGAIN on the other side of my neck. Now I do not know how precise these pet scans are, I have heard that they are not a 100% accurate. And the RT and Chemo, I do not understand if they have reduced the size of the tumor than it was working but its possible its developed again. However deep down I know that with what I have its not good anyway. But for it to have spread again and so fast is very scary. Strangely I am feeling a little too calm (the calm before the storm) like I am excepting the inevitable.
After everything was running so smoothly as well.

Now the next thing I am going to write please no-one get worried about this because I am stubborn and I am a fighter and I will not give up. But the other night I thought I am 29 years old and so far have had a good life. Would it not of been easier for life to take me now rather than to live with the constant fear and fighting and threat of recurrances again and again. Sorry Selfish of me I know. And NO I would not do anything silly so don't worry, it was just my thoughts at that moment.

It is just that its so frustrating to look back at my old life and know that it will probably never be the same again. I actually hate this that is in my body and I do wish it would go away.

Sorry about the depressing post, I went off on a tangent. Anyway, pet scans and results does anyone have any experience with this and are they accurate as I am led to believe?

Sweety,

I am sorry to hear of the new suspect site you mention. Did they radiate that side before and have you had the neck dissection? I am just curious.

Don't worry about your thoughts that you are labeling a "depressing post". It is not that at all, it is merely a person questioning things in light of this disease. I can assure you every single one of us, patient and caregivers alike, have asked this question not once but many, many times through the course of this disease. It is something that will come up from time to time forever, in me at least.

Is your doctor suggesting any type of biopsy of the suspect site? What is the plan? The purpose of the scan is to find suspected cancer and then confirm that through biopsy or surgery. It is not a 100% diagnostic tool.

I am praying for comfort and continued healing for you.

Ed

Hi, Sweety,

it sounds to me like you are in a shock and that's why you have that too calm feeling. Also it sounds to me that you did not ask any questions - goes with being in shock. The doctors unfortunately do not volunteer much information, you have to ask them questions: "what does that mean?" and when they explain, ask them to explain the explanation. If you don't ask, they think you have read their mind and know everything. I know this from experience, and you probably do too.

My prayers are with you

Leena

Sweety, Sorry to hear of your news. Will continue praying for your recovery. As to having tests that show "suspicious" areas, I think most of us at one time or another have had suspicious test/scan results. Mine was after chemo/rad. At 6 weeks they customarily do a ct scan, at least in my cancer center they do. Mine showed suspicious activity, yet when they did the neck dissection, all of the cancer was gone. The chemo/rad had killed it all. That doesn't mean that all suspicious areas have no cancer, we are all different, but don't worry until there is proof. It isn't cancer 'til they say it is.

Hi,

My doctors have told me that there have been some cases of SCC in patients who don't smoke and drink like me and several of them have also had cervical cancer as well. I noticed of my patholigy report from uterine cancer that I had in 2001 that I also had abnormal Squamous cells on my cervix. Well anyway, I just wanted to let you know that your not along in the feelings that you feeling about death and timing and all. I think sometimes that I'm not going to be able to fight this anymore if it returns. I don't want my death to be a long drawn out process of pain and torcher. But, I'm trying to just take it one day at a time. I'm only 35 and I have three young children to look after. I realize that these are very selfish thoughts on my part but only we no as cancer patients how hard it is to deal with this and not knowing what the future may hold. Just know that you need to take things moment by moment and try not to look to far in the future so that you lose track of the facts that are right in front of you. My social worker says that you should focas of the facts you have right now. Kelli

Hi Guys

Thankyou again for all your support. Unfortunately I am in a terrible mess. When I went back to discuss the findings and the suspect site I was pleased to hear that it was actually nothing. However I got really annoyed because what they failed to mention was that infact they have found that they suspect the cancer has moved to my breast and a 2cm tumor is present, i was elaeted to being deflated in two minutes. I had the tumor removed yesterday the oncologist did not want to delay this, which I am grateful for and the tumor was indeed cervical cancer.

The cancer is doing its own thingl and I am fed up of being poked and prodded and having things taken out and things pumped in already!
The oncologist has said that he is putting me on another regime of heavy chemo with a different drug this time, the fisrt did not seem to be getting rid, and I am having Immune therapy with this as well. He said to me that this could go on an off for years (if I am lucky) with what I have. We are all hoping that this more agreessive approach will start to take effect and destroy what is in my blood.

And so I am left standing in no mans land, or so it feels. Not knowing when and where it is going to strike next. The fact that it is moving so fast is really not a good sign and I am preparing for the inevitable. Unfortunately that foggy haze that I felt for so long has lifted (Ifelt safe there) and the bare facts are hitting me in the face. I have been really angry at the people close to me yet again. I had a huge argument yesterday with someone particularly close to me, telling him he did not care, swearing and being a witch. I did not mean to and he has feelings I am am so frightened that I am hurting him as well.

I know this is an oral site and I originally came on here because I had at that point found that it was in my neck although it is actually cervical cancer causing this. You know there are hardly any and any that are good forums on what I specifically have and this forum is amazing and the enrgy and positiveness I get from you guys all helps.
I know what i have is not exactly in lines with what you guys are going through but I hope you don't mind me being on here (silly question maybe). Its just that I feel so alone with what I have and the support out there is few and far between.
I know I am being silly because we all have this dreadful disease and just knowing that there are other people around who can understand my fears and frustrations with this thing makes me feel a little more comfortable.

Yet again I am apologising, my heads all over the place, it has taken me 3 attempts at writing this and I am angry and crying and not good. oh yes I am on anti-depressants as well. They are actually doing a little good although it is hard to believe with the state I am in. I am seeing a counsellor again this week, although I do not put much faith in this.

Arrrggghhhhh!!!!!!!!! All i seem to be doing is apologising and felling terrible and getting mad.

I need to go sorry folks for the freak out...again

Warmest wishes Smarties

Hi sweety,

I'm brand new to this site so I haven't seen all your postings. When I was diagnosed with OC, it seems like I went from the oral surgeon's office straight into surgery! Of course that didn't really happen. I went to an ENT then to a plastic surgeon, then to the hospital. I was in such a fog, I hardly remember any of it. My partner was with me and she took care of most of it. I think I just sat there dazed.

After a 16hr surgery, 12 days in intensive care, 4 days on the regular hospital floor (what a nightmare that was!), I'm left with no bottom teeth, an upper denture and severe dry mouth.

I'm about as angry as you are so I know my reply won't bring you any comfort. I do hope that you won't have to endure much more.

Hello Sweety,
I'm so sorry about you news. Don't think that you have to leave us. My doctor told me that he has seen more and more women with SCC in the head and neck and it went along with there SC of the cervix. I have SCC of the tongue but in 2001 I had a hystorectomy because of a very rare unterin tumor.(Only 15 people in the world who had it) It had to be diagnosed in Washington D.C. at the Department of The Armed Fources. Anyway I was looking at the report the other day a it mention abnormal sqaumous cells on my cervix. This is the first that I new about it. Now I'm going to have to do somemore research on it. So don't feel like you have to leave. We are all hear for you so don't leave. Kelli Kelli

Dear Sweety,

We are glad you found us here at OCF. Everybody needs a place to let it all out. As you've found out, it feels horrible when you vent on the people close in your life. I think for the most part people do understand that when someone goes through this type of situation, they will experience all kinds of emotions. I hope that is the case with your loved one. Of course you are freaked out, angry, scared. You have every right to feel that way. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are welcome to private message or email me if you need to!

Christine

Dear Sweety,

I am truly sorry to hear of your latest news. First, I want you to know that you are always welcome here and you may feel free to vent or express any feelings you are experiencing whenever you need to. That is why we are all here for each other.

You are going through a lot of intense events and intense therapy right now. I know things are spinning in your world right now and you have every right to feel the anger, the sadness, the fear, etc. Focus hard on who you are and who you want to be with those close to you. Fight the circumstances of this disease taking control of your reactions. Remind those around you who you want to be. They are there because they love you and they fully understand your anger is directed towards the disease and not them. Never be ashamed or embarassed to apologize if you feel you did not treat someone they way you wanted to. A simple "I'm sorry" goes a long way and could open up discussion why you are so angry right now. Those closest to you will certainly understand and work with you if you let them and you communicate to them.

I am so sorry you are having to endure so much. If you ever need to talk feel free to emial me or private message me and I will be glad to give you my phone number. I am praying for you daily that God will provide you with peace and comfort and guide your medical team to the best possible treatment for you.

Ed

Sweety, it's obvious you're traveling a rough road. You go ahead and vent all you need to with no further appologies necessary. You just worry about the fight and winning it. That's all that matters right now.

-Brett

Sweety
Feel free to vent any time, at least if you are venting you are dealing with your experience. Sometime its much easier to talk to people that are not family or close friends. I found that talking to people that were not close was most helpfull. Here everyone has been there, their experience helps me to understand my own feelings. Also I don't want to bring down those family members that are trying so hard to help me.
Hang in there, lots of LOVE AND PRAYERS your way