Sweety,
I know exactly what you mean about sharing with your loved ones and care givers. I would usually be very upbeat and then all of the sudden this overwhelming sense of panic took over. I chose at that point to tell my husband that I was having a really rough time and thought I needed something to help me over the hump and went on Xanax for panic episodes and Ambien for night time relief when I couldn't get my mind to stop racing. He was totally supportive and actually felt like he was truly part of my care. He admitted to me even though he lives with me and sees me struggle everyday there is no way he could even begin to understand what or how I am dealing with everything.
I know you must be physically exhausted from dealing with this disease twice to say nothing of the emotional stress that compounds and complicates things. I agree with Ed, sometimes getting on top of your pain will go a long way in helping your physical and emotional well being. Being in constant pain really wears you down.
Here's a thought. When you're having a really horrible day, write down most of what's bothering you in a bullet point style and when someone you feel close enough to see something other than the brave face asks how you are, hand them the paper. That way they will realize how many issues you are dealing with and you won't feel as if you're whining and complaining (although you have every right to)
I hope that your symptoms subside very soon. Tell us where you are in treatment and what type of treatment you are receiving.
God Bless Lynn
Stage 3, N0, M0 oral tongue cancer survivor, 85-90% of tongue removed, neck disection, left tonsil removed, chemo/radiation treatments, surgery 11/03, raditation ended 1/04, lung mets discovered 4/04,
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