Scared, worried, terrified, anxiety ridden, and freaked out...and I'm not even the patient. I just know I want Dave here so we can be together. I guess this is bad day as evidenced by my second trip to the board in a few hours and two more opinions to face tomorrow. Information overload runs tandem with feeling lost in uncertainty. Venting is good though and Xanax is often equally good.

Thanks for listening,

kim

I think everything that you are feeling is both normal and appropriate. The trick for the spouse/caregiver is to try to be the ringside coach. If you've ever watched a boxing match, this guy is taking in the overview of everything that is happening, a perspective that someone in the actual ring fighting might not be able to get. He's giving advice and encouragement to his fighter between rounds to ensure that he is aware of little details, that in the heat of battle, he may miss. And when the going gets tough he is the person who is psyching up his fighter. You are in the same position. You want to be listening to every word the doctors are saying. Someone with a deadly diagnosis over his or her head might not hear everything, or might selectively hear something that they wish to. The patient may not have the detachment to properly evaluate the options, being too close to the fight. And for sure, the part about helping them keep their emotions up, their fighters face on, and encouraging them that the battle is winnable, even when it's really getting tough, falls to the ringside coach. This is an important job. You will no doubt rise past your own insecurities to the task....

Brian:

I'm not sure what made me look here again before trying to sleep except that maybe I can't sleep...now I know why I looked...your messages are real and let me know you have walked the walk. Tonight, I don't feel so alone and thank you,

Kim

P.S. We are going to the tumor board tomorrow and I do look cute in boxing gloves

Hi, this is Packer 66`s wife...........I know exactly how you`re feeling........and you don`t want to let on that you are a basket case. I know as a nurse, I always think the worst case scenerio,and fear and terror have been along for the ride for a long time....we`ve recently decided that we don`t in any way like the word caregiver, I`m not the caregiver, that`s too passive a word for the cancer patient......I`m the coach and cheerleader, and secretary........venting is good and xanax has been my friend for some time now.......but, remember it truly is amazing what we can do, and we just somehow do manage to get through it...just one day at a time, and things actually do get done........Prayers your way

Hi Packer 66 and very supportive wife who sports pom poms for cheering:

I agree being a health care professional is almost more difficult because we are taught to anticipate the worst then back up from there. On top, I was an oncology nurse and have held many an emesis basin in my day and don't want Dave to have ANY yucky stuff (Pollyanna, I know but hey, I love the guy!) let alone a choice between "poisons" as it's been dubbed. We are currently grappling with the surgery versus non-surgical chemo/radiation options and neither sounds like a walk in the park but I'm trying not to let past cases I've seen color my thinking.

This kind of feels like wanting to tell your kids not to swim because you've seen one in a thousand dive into an empty pool and get a head injury(very nurse like thinking here). I'm trying to balance out healthy caution about "modern medicine" with my knowledge that the goal here is really to help Dave make good choices and I will be alongside him the whole way with my own set of pom poms but sans the short pleated skirt-I think though no amount of Xanax might make me feel relaxed about my legs!

Of course, there is also the "watchdog" side of me that wants to post a sign telling all who enter that they have to go through me to get to Dave. As you can see, I'm still working on my attitude! Alot of nurses I know are like dogs with bones-I like to think this makes us good at what we do!

Many thanks for taking the time to write and offer support.

Say hi to Packer.

Kim

Just a note to Kim and Dave, if you didn`t get our private message.........incense will be burning all day for you guys.........we`re been there, done that, and our prayers are with you both..........Packer and coach..........

To Packer:

Actually, your private message didn't come through but please resend to [email protected]. We will draw great comfort from your incense and your thoughts. See message on the general board.

Thanks-we don't feel so alone,

Kim